melting mama

low

I eat something as I go to bed every night - to ease the hole the Topamax is going to burn in my non-acid producing stomach, and, to reduce the hypoglycemia likelihood in the night.

It didn't work tonight.

I just had a good low.  I'm up here, shaking, gnawing on my glucose tablets.

One hour ago:  I had eaten about seven whole grain flax tortilla chips with two slices of American cheese, on purpose, with my pills, to go to bed.

When I realized I was low, my sugar was at 50 mg.  I think I would have gotten much lower without any symptoms other than complete stupidity.

(I sent out the check for the external appeal today.  I'll hear back in ten days about the external glucose monitor.)

Mall Cop.

We went to the mall today, to stimulate the economy, because I hate that all the stores are closing.  On the way in, I see all sorts of ruckus, and I wonder, "Is it safe?  Should we go in?  Let's turn around.  Forget it."  The fire alarms were going off, the strobe lights were flashing, and I was sure it was a seizure waiting to happen.  The previous time I was in this particular mall, I had a complex partial seizure, so I am a bit leery of things that make me feel icky, like strobe lights.  I know I am not triggered by lights, I am not that kind of "epileptic" seizure person, but I am always aware of potentials.

After being assured that it's "okay," as long as we "kept moving, don't stop here" we went along.  I was definitely interested in what was going on now, all sorts of movement, people, lights, sounds? 

Then, I stopped short and looked around at my surroundings, and thought I had lost my mind.  Christmas Trees?  Holiday Decorations?  What?

It was then, I realized the set chairs and people walking by in full make-up and the extras sitting around.  We had just walked through a movie set!

Woot!

• Lunch - Couple bites meatloaf off of Bob's lunch plate.  Wasn't feeling it.  This was cut short because eating out with toddlah terrah is impossible.
• Snack - Soy cappuccino.
• Dinner -
  

I totally, almost, came in last place.

I took part in my first 5K today.  Hold your applause.  I walked.  In fact, laughing took place, because we were lapped by old men, several times.  But whatever, we finished, and didn't even break a sweat.

Here's the thing, I could have walked faster, or even "wogged" a little, but I had the evil baby with me, and I started off on the wrong foot so to speak, trying to get my camera to work since we were at the beach, and what did I forget?  No memory card. 

I started at the end of the pile of humans, and ended at the same place.  When we finished the race, I asked the person taking my number if I was "last," and she was very positive and said, "No, there's some behind you,"  I said, "Aww, too bad, I was hoping I was last." 

I think she thought I was nuts.

I may have said out loud that "one year from now," dog help me, that I could "run this."  That is, if my body doesn't implode before then.

Here's the food damage and such.

Weight - 167 lbs.  * four pounds bounce up!!*  (Love that, doncha?)

My damage, and it was, it was a crappy day.  I had a rotten day.  I am sick, or I have some seriously horrible allergies.  I hate whining, but I am really miserable.

• Breakfast - (In the car, hadn't eaten at home.)  A few bites of a croissant, egg, bacon, and quit, as I realized I couldn't eat the whole thing and not get hypoglycemic during the race, so I threw it away.
  
• Lunch - (After the race, Free Catered Food!) One half hamburger on white roll with mayo
  
• Snack - Skim milk cappuccino + four dark chocolate almonds.
• Dinner - Bacon, shredded lettuce and tomato + pita pocket

The sun'll come out, tommorrow.

So, it's sunny now.  My grass, it's like, ten feet high, it's been raining for days.  I just said out loud, "I should mow the lawn."  Did I tell you what I got for Mother's Day? 

That's right, boys and girls, *insert Bob Barker voice* A New Used Car!  Shut up. 

But, what else did I get?  A nice lawn-mowing service every two weeks.  Methinks Mr. MM thought that MM is probably Not A Good Idea Pushing A Gas-Powered Blade right now.  Even without the added benefit of seizures, I am really fun with motors as a hypoglycemic, too.  Can you see me pushing a lawnmower, at 35 mg?  Whee!  I have five hundred reasons why I am not mowing the lawn, even if I want to.  I have a headache.  I am dizzy.  I cannot see straight.  I am not making this shit up to get out of mowing the grass, it's true.  I feel like crap, it's the medicine that's supposed to keep me from flopping like a fish that is causing me to feel like a pile of steamy poop, I know this, because I FELT pretty damn decent until the other day when the dosage was increased.  People, I was walking five miles a day.  Now, I can't even walk to the bathroom without forgetting why.  (This too, had better freaking pass.)

So maybe the lawn mowing wasn't my gift, maybe that was my suggestion, but it was really inexpensive.  He just doesn't have the time.  By the time he's through with work and college, and then I am begging to go somewhere, I don't want to sit here and watch him mow the grass in the few hours left once or twice a week we have.  Somehow, it doesn't really bother me to watch someone else do it. ;)

Saturday.

Weight -
Breakfast -

• Ready To Serve Bacon- Oscar Meyer  (I don't like this brand either.  It was gone in a sitting between the kids and I, what a waste.  Not only that, it's full of nitrites.  Are there any nitrite-free ready-to-eat bacon products out there?  I know, that is the STUPIDEST question you've ever read.)

Lunch

• Chinese Vegetable Soup

Snack

• Dark Chocolate Raspberry ChocoPerfection - 1 square (50 calories)
• PB2 Vanilla Muscle Milk Light Shake
  • 1 ready to drink MM Light (I don't like this stuff, so I was "wasting it" to use it up.)
  • 2 TBSP PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter
  • 1 cup crushed ice
  • 1 oz sugar free vanilla syrup
  • Blend all ingredients

Dinner

• Out - Bottom bun and bottom patty of a Big Mac, some fries.  Woot.

Snack

• Tortilla + Cheese

naked obese woman sets world record: $33.6 million

That there, is some serious cash, for a painting.  They call it  "bold and imposing example of the stark power of Lucian Freud's realism," depicting "the forceful and undeniable physical presence of people and things."

The 51 year old English woman in the painting, said she was embarrassed to pose naked in front of the artist, but eventually got comfortable enough, so much so that she crashed and fell asleep, hence the pose in the painting.

The 1995 life-size work, "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping," fetched $33.6 million during bidding at Christie's auction house in New York. The previous record was for "Hanging Heart," a painting by Jeff Koonz that sold for $23.5 million, said Rik Pike, a spokesman for Christie's.

The art seems to elicit an immediate response from every single person who sees it. 

A gasp of shock, a sigh, a squeal of delight, even.

What about you?

The sweet smell of.

Do you remember that bet I made, that bet about my laptop?  Well, it's bound to happen soon.  There is a strange burning smell emanating from the internal bits of the computer.  It's a combination of cheese and urine.  Mmmm, tasty.  I'm not sure I want to know why, but I am pretty certain it's going to implode.  I spent a better part of my morning looking for a smell, when I realized, "wait, that's coming from inside this keyboard."

Friday.

Weight - Eh.  Not.  I will tomorrow.  I promise.  Or something. 

We could should call this a wallow in carb-o-liciousness day.  The extra medicine has really effected my brain, and I am not content.  It's weird, because Topamax is used for it's anti-eating properties, and here I am in a state of perpetual fuzzy brain MUNCHIES. 

• Breakfast - Cold, leftover egg roll. (We got a menu in the mail the other day for a local Chinese restaurant that now offers delivery.  So, I tried it.  Problem is, it's not very good.  It was terrible, oily, greasy-even and lacked any flavor, I just ate that cold egg roll for breakfast, but, gack.  I am glad we didn't order much.  Because.  Now, I'm eating it for breakfast, and...)
• Lunch - Vegetable lo mein.
• Snack - Sweet + Salty Granola Bar.
• Dinner - 1/2 cup Goya Black Bean Soup, 1/2 cheese quesadilla

Twenty five little milligrams.

Apparently make a big difference.  I am not myself.  I canNOT wait until this medication realigns itself in my neurons.  I am afraid to take my walk, because I don't want to be flopping like a fish in traffic, you know, if it were going to happen anyway. 

But, the extra medicine is messing with my head.  I feel a leetle bit stoopid and forgetful, more than usual.  I am always forgetful, but this is ridiculous.  I can't imagine if I had actual duties to fulfill.

Thursday.

Weight -

• Breakfast - Unsweetened soy milk cappuccino, 1 lowfat string cheese + 100 Calorie Pack Veggie Chips (I don't like these anymore.  Blech.  It's probably a good thing.  Although, with enough dip, we could be pals again.)
• Snack - Dole American Salad Blend + Parmesan Cheese
• Lunch - Chocolate chip freaking cookies.  Two.  (Why?  Because.  They were there.  Thanks, Bob.  Thanks for making these and leaving them in my house.)
• Snacks - Atkins Endulge Chocolate Coconut Bar + Waffle with Smart Balance Light Omega + PB2 MM Peanut Butter Cup Protein Shake
• Dinner- 1 spring roll, couple bites rice, couple bites lo mein.

Because I'm in a crappy mood: Probiotic Samples!

                                                      

Align is a daily dietary supplement that works naturally to help build and maintain a healthy, balanced digestive system. Align is an easy-to-swallow capsule that you take just once a day, every day to help even out the ups and downs of common digestive upsets such as constipation, diarrhea, abdominal discomfort, urgency, gas, and bloating. Align capsules contain Bifantis, a unique probiotic strain that has been clinically proven to build and maintain a strong, healthy digestive system.

               

I have two seven day sample packs to give away.  If you'd like one, comment on this post please. 

Wednesday.

Weight -

• Under 163.  Woot.  (It figures, right - that it changes as soon as I missed a few days of walking.  I walked yesterday, but I missed a couple days prior to that.)

• Breakfast  - Unsweetened soy milk cappuccino, 1 slice provolone cheese (I was making sandwiches)
• Snack - 4 oz Breakstones Liveactive Cottage Cheese + 1/2 Atkins Chocolate Coconut Endulge Bar
  
• Lunch -  2 slices ham, melted cheddar cheese.
• Snack - 1 chocolate chip cookie, 1 Atkins Chocolate Coconut Endulge Bar.  (These can't be in my house.  DANGEROUS.  Way too many calories for three bites.)
  
• Dinner - A couple bites steak, a few bites baked plain potato.
  
• Bed -

I have a big watermelon sitting on the counter.  It wants me to attack it, but I will wait.  I don't want any surprise blood sugar reactions.

I'm contemplating my walk.  After yesterday's seizure out of nowhere - I almost hate to drag my butt out to walk, because, "What if?"  This was my problem to begin with, back in January, I didn't want to put the baby at risk if I were to stop, drop and seize in the middle of the road somewhere.  There is no warning.  It's bad enough that I travel with a glucose meter, food and phone because my blood sugar drops out of the sky sometimes, and I don't want to walk sideways into traffic, but a seizure would definitely make me roadkill faster.

I wonder, and I am just hypothesizing here, that the series of lows have not damaged my brain in some way, since the seizures are not actually TRIGGERED by the lows.  Why else would I now - start having seizures - at the age of 29? 

Someone asked me - What Do You Want To Do?  Make It Happen!  Quit Whining!

I don't know what to do, it's not that I don't want to do something, I do. 

I want to go to "school" or work, but the HOW is just overwhelming. 

If you haven't been trapped like this - you don't really get it.  I know what I don't WANT to do:  those choices are obvious to me, but when I say it out loud, I sound ungrateful and whiny and a bit like Veruca.  I don't WANT to work at Wal-Mart.  I WANT to get some classes, certifications, something... skillz!  I want to utilize them before my brain explodes.  Wanting doesn't mean poop though.  Because, classes require time and money, and time is money.

What don't I have?  Money, and the ability to drive at the moment.

I am giving it more thought  now that I am chained to my house for an unknown length of time.  Be prepared to deal with me, because, now I'm never going away.  :P

Tuesday + PB2 on the way.

Weight -

• Didn't.  Sort of woke up in a puddle of my own piss.  WTF?  I had a seizure.  Not a happy camper.

• Breakfast - Nauseous.  I don't think I ate.
• Snack - I don't remember.
• Lunch - 1/2 wrap, filled with romaine lettuce, tomato, kalamata olives and feta cheese
• Snack - 1/2 wrap, filled with romaine lettuce, tomato, kalamata olives and feta cheese
• Dinner - A few bites croissant, sausage and cheese
• Snack - Tortilla and cheese

Exercise -

• 45 minute outdoor walk.

Tomorrow will be better, in terms of food, at least.  I will get more protein and will carb-detox.  I am full of headache today from the seizure.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  I didn't, I got a walk in, and I still feel like a truck hit me.

I walked to the post office and sent off the PB2 to those of you who got me your addresses.  So, look for it in your mail this week.  I am missing four out of ten of you.  If I don't hear from you by Friday, I am re-gifting.  :)

I misdiagnosed.

Bob's mom is inpatient in the hospital, and apparently, it's not a clot.  It's cellulitis.  (Still hurts like a bitch.)  The infection is in her leg, right next to a healing scar from her thigh lift from exactly two months ago.  She's had troubles, but every surgery has been long healing and arduous for her.  She was just back to work, after having been out for a long time for the various plastic surgeries, and all of the healing issues and "vertigo*," etc. which she still has.

(*Since I make a habit of diagnosing people, I STILL say this woman has a sugar problem.)