And you? Who are you?

A few questions about yourself after weight loss, borrowed from: Tales of the Morbidly Obese  via Marybeth at  Attraversiamo who borrowed them from Ezpy at A Smaller Target.  Please take a moment to answer these if you'd like to, and let me know if you if you've blogged them.  (I'm working on my answers while I get more coffee in my system this morning.)

1.)  Do you feel that you (the person, soul, who you are) has changed since you have lost weight?

This is hard.  I left these questions alone - and I still can't answer them. (Here goes attempt #3)

Yes, I've changed, but, not a lot.  I am the same girl I was, but I'm different.  I've always been the way I am - it's just that now I'm more comfortable being ME.  Does that makes sense?!  I've always been a funny girl - and I know some people consider that a way to hide behind the fat girl, but for me, I'm funnier when I'm thinner. 

I don't know why - maybe it's the confidence level.  I'm slightly more confident - still not nearly assertive enough in certain situations.  With people I know, it's on, I'm game, let's go.  With people that wrong me, it's harder.  I have to work up the "balls" to make things right, and that's always been the case. 

I have a tendency to let things happen to me or around me - that shouldn't be allowed, and to be a doormat.  No more, I say, no more.  This is something I've had to work on - and it's better now than before - but it's still hard.  I want to be the girl who you don't f*ck with, the mom who protects, you know, at the same time being a generally nice and outgoing person and approachable?  Is that a bit too much?

2.)  Have others said you have?

It's been a few years now, that I've been in a "normal" weight range, and people are used to me at this size.  Initially, I probably came across different, but you know it doesn't really show until I'm in a highly social adult situation.  I'm much more social and open to conversation with adults at this size, much more likely to allow myself to be the focus if necessary.  With kids/family, I"m always the same I think.  Some people have mentioned to me that I was less approachable as a thinner person. 

Go figure, I thought the "fat me" would have been less approachable.   I've had people (many who didn't know me "fat" at all) say that the first time they saw me or met me, they were intimidated.  Intimidated?  Me?  I never thought of myself as someone who could have that power over someone else, but I can live with it.

3.)  How do you feel about that?

I'd hope that people weren't intimidated by me - at least not to new friendly people.  I could use some friends, damn it.  Unfortunately, the only thing that the thinner me has gained from this smaller body-size and the same attitude, is the unwelcome attention from dirty old men.  I'd prefer welcomed attention from other nice mom-types to play with, you know, but they don't talk to me?

4.)  If you don't feel that the person you are has changed, why do you think others are saying that you have?

Other people are influenced by the way I look - without making a conscious choice to be swayed one way or another, and it effects the way they think about me and react to me.  300 lb. Beth would normally be ignored, or eye-rolled at.  100-something lb. Beth gets noticed, but, people are unlikely to put themselves out for her, beyond holding doors and a polite smile.   I have a problem not running up to every 250-350 lb. woman I see in public and not talking to her about weight issues, like somehow I could help?!  People ignore/laugh at people our size.  I know it's out of my control to control OTHER peoples' perception of me.

I have an example of this that I can't really explain here - without adding detail.  Crap.  Remind me later to tell you about it, like, in six months.

Comments

[Ezpy]

Keep trying! :b Yeah, I know what you mean about them being hard!

[Melting Mama]

I will. I will. Maybe I need a glass of wine. ROFL.

[Melting Mama]

Shit. I can't remember what I was going to 'splain there.