Chew + Spit: "A helpful hint for the LapBand crowd."

Skinny Songs - A Review.

What gets your fat ass moving - on the treadmill - or just in general when it comes to weight loss?  There are many heart-pumping songs out there, for me, there are a couple that just scream, GET YOUR ass ON THE TREADMILL WOMAN, AND GO.  FASTER, BITCH, I TOLE YOU!


That song just gets me walking at pace that cannot be beat, just listen, left, right, left, right, left, right, it's fast.  There are lots like that, but not these:

Skinny Songs?  I was sent this CD.  This is an unpaid honest review. 

The cover tells me, "If you've decided to lose weight and get in shape- and if you've ever sung along to a song at the top of your lungs because it really meant something to you - SkinnySongs is made for you."  Really, for me?  How did they know?

I open the case, I find an ass, clad in blue jeans, but an ass all the same - and somebody's MILF (okay, I take that back, it's the founder of the CD) on the inside, wearing a shirt that reads, "Objects in mirror will get thinner than they now appear" which on this woman is odd because she's probably a size four, although she appears quite different elsewhere on the site.


I pull the CD out and put it in the laptop .

Oh. dear.  I'm met with songs like:

Who The Hell Is That

who the hell is that? ‘Cause it sure  ain’t me! how’d I get so fat? It’s a shame to see

And this bit of stereotyping, "Blowin' You Off At 8,"

Today, I have to say, was the best day of my life
I hate to admit it -- but it sure felt nice
you pulled up a chair after checking me out
but when I looked at you, you were shocked to find out…             

that this lady you’d been sizing up from behind
yeah, this lady, you’d been undressing with your mind
with this lady you were wanting to score
but she's the same girl you dumped six months before!

you dumped me at 16 now I’m blowin’ you off at 8
You told me I was fat -- now honey don’t I look great?
I’ve dropped four dress sizes down, now you're coming around
if you didn’t want me then, then you don’t deserve me now!
I cried and cried and cried the day you put me down
you said I’d gotten dumpy and you stopped hangin’ round
make no mistake about what you see

I didn’t do this for you -- I did it for me            

you dumped me at 16 now I’m blowin’ you off at 8
you told me I was fat -- now honey don’t I look great?
I’ve dropped four dress sizes down, now you're coming around
I’m rid of 30 pounds and I’m rid of you too!

As a former morbidly obese woman, I have a unique view of things like this - and I am embarrassed by these lyrics.  I cannot imagine ANY overweight woman being motivated or inspired by these songs.  When I agreed to review this CD, I had envisioned a collection of aerobic get your heart pumping songs that were motivating by means of beats and rhythms, not a selection of songs with lyrics like:

"I spent years in misery
‘Cause everyone who looked at
Was thinking evil thoughts about my thighs
Made up my mind, I’d had enough
I was determined to get slim and buff
I hit the gym, and no more fries!
Oh yeah you bet, it was difficult
But you can’t argue with my result
Now what you see, when you’re lookin’ at my body…

      I’m a hottie now!     (gimme something sexy)
      I’m a hottie now!     (something that barely fits me)
      worked on my body, and I’m a hottie now!

      Now I adore the clothing store
      No plus sizes anymore
      I love’em ‘specially when they’re colorful and gaudy"

I am at a loss for words.  Wait, something redeeming?  T-Shirts for sale?  This looks nice, WAIT, what does this say?!  DO NOT FEED?

But, look - Martha! endorses her:

              See SkinnySongs creator Heidi Roizen on The Martha Stewart Show


Marha & Heidi

Click here to see the full clip!      


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