Most of us are nuts, it turns out.

Psychiatric Disorders Among Bariatric Surgery Candidates

OBJECTIVE: The present study was designed to document psychiatric disorders among candidates for weight loss surgery and to examine the relationship of psychopathology to degree of obesity and functional health status.

CONCLUSIONS: Current and past DSM-IV psychiatric disorders are prevalent among bariatric surgery candidates and are associated with greater obesity and lower functional health status, highlighting the need to understand potential implications for surgery preparation and outcome. Future work also will focus on the course of psychiatric disorder during the post-surgery period and its relationship to weight loss and maintenance.

                Am J Psychiatry 164:328-334, February 2007
                doi: 10.1176/appi.ajp.164.2.328
                © 2007 American Psychiatric association

 

We so cwayzee.

Meeting the Woman Inside: Article by Amy Atkins

Meeting the Woman Inside
      One woman's story a year after weight loss surgery

Source:  Boise Weekly
   
              BY AMY ATKINS

A lot of things can happen to a person in the course of a year: great financial gain or loss, birth, death, relocation, change in profession. Or, as in Leslie Downey's case, a person can go through drastic weight-loss surgery, a divorce and a complete re-learning of her relationship with food.

In February of last year, I wrote about "Shelly" (see BW, Feb. 1, 2006, The Skinny on Weight Loss). At the time, she weighed over 300 pounds. No matter how smart, generous, funny or loving she was, she was always the "fat girl."

When she told me she had decided to have gastric bypass surgery, my immediate response was that surgery was too drastic. But for her, the desperate times had arrived, and called for desperate measures. She suffered from high blood pressure, diabetes, aching joints and the less obvious, but no less troubling embarrassment of obesity. After years of considering her alternatives, she found a surgeon, took out a second mortgage on her house and underwent weight-loss surgery.

In the year that has passed, Downey has transformed into a new woman. Some acquaintances don't even recognize her. Some who haven't seen her in a while will walk right past with no sign of recognition on his or her face. As far as her friends and family are concerned, her core being is still intact, but there's now this quite confident woman who looks little like her former self.

This story is in no way meant to condone or condemn her decision. As with any major medical procedure, gastric bypass surgery is risky, expensive and not the right choice for everyone. But a year later, 100 pounds lighter and with a new sense of self-esteem, Downey knows it was the right decision. She reluctantly agreed to let me interview her for last year's story, and was hesitant about doing this follow-up interview as well, but did so saying, "maybe some 400-pound man or woman will read my story and find some hope."

BW: How much weight have you lost so far?

Downey: I've lost 139 pounds.

Do you think that's average?

It varies depending on what someone's starting weight was. People who don't have as much to lose as someone like me are called "lightweights" [laughs]. There's a Web site called www.obesityhelp.com. It's all people who've had weight-loss surgery.

For you, the most major change beside your weight loss is probably your marital status.

I have become a statistic.

But in your case, your husband asked you for a divorce. Isn't it usually the person who had the surgery who leaves the marriage?   

I don't think so. I don't know what the numbers are, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was somewhere near the 50/50 point. Obviously for the person who loses the weight, their life changes. But for the spouse, too. The kind of relationship they are in absolutely changes.

Food plays a big part in many relationships: couples going out to eat, eating together at dinner, etc. Do you think the changes in the relationship have anything to do with the changes involving food?

Not really. I think it's more about the emotional or mental part of it.

When you are living with someone or in a relationship with someone who has serious obesity issues, it affects your life just like it would if you were living with an alcoholic.

Maybe for the spouse who doesn't lose the weight, he or she loses some kind of control. Before, the [overweight] person had limitations and relied on the other person. Now they don't.

That changes everything.

It does. Maybe he was somehow waiting until he knew I could handle it before he left. I think the numbers for divorce are huge, but I think if it's the person who had the weight loss versus the spouse, it's pretty close.

Do your children blame you, or more specifically, your surgery, for your divorce?

My kids, strangely enough, haven't commented to me either way about the surgery. They don't love me for the outside, they love me for the inside. In that way, I don't think it [the surgery] has affected them.

So they don't say, "Great. Mom had surgery and then she and Dad get divorced?"

No, because they know that Dad initiated the divorce. They didn't connect the two in any way.

What was the hardest thing for you right after surgery?

It was hardest for me in the first three months.

What made it so hard?

Not eating. I wasn't physically hungry; it was "head hunger." Head hunger is the worst aspect of this and I think it's really downplayed. I was not prepared for the head hunger.

Do you think you could have been prepared for that?

No.

I remember a few months after the surgery, you said, "I don't want to get back into those bad eating habits" but you couldn't even eat those kinds of foods. What are your eating restrictions like now?

Physically, now I can eat pretty much what I want. Fried foods make me not so happy. Sugar's not a problem for me, which is actually kind of scary. I wish it was more of a problem. I wish I had more problems than I do because I can't rely on [physical discomfort] to stop me. I have to rely on myself. And that is hard.

Do you stop yourself?

Not always. I would definitely say I don't eat like I did before and my food choices are better, but it's really hard.

Do you still have some of the same food habits as before (like hiding food or eating alone)?

Not as much as I used to. I don't have as many strange little food things. A lot of that is gone now. And I try to avoid those.

Can you ever gain all the weight back? Do you think it's physically possible?

Not all of it, but I have a friend [who had gastric bypass] who's gained back 70 pounds out of the 160 he lost.

What's your ultimate weight-loss goal? What would you like your weight to be?

I don't want to pick a number. I don't feel that a number has anything to do with my body. The weight I stop losing at and don't start gaining at, and I'm working out and eating decent is the weight I'll be happy with.

Do you still measure the weight-loss regularly? Do you step on the scales and see a five-pound loss and still get excited?

Well, I was a little worried over Christmas and still lost two pounds, so I'm not so worried about it. I don't want to become obsessive about it, so I try not to weigh myself too often and I try not to think about it.

When we talked initially, we talked about your health problems--difficulty breathing, lack of stamina, high blood pressure, diabetes, aching joints--being a big factor in deciding to have the surgery. Where do you stand on all of that?

The diabetes is gone. The high blood pressure is gone. They were gone from about three months in. As for my knees, walking isn't even an issue any more. Before, I would scope out if there would be somewhere I could sit. It surprises me now, if I go to the mall, like when I went shopping for Christmas, I didn't have to stop and rest all the time. I could just keep going.

Do you have any health issues that have come up because of the surgery?

The scariest was hair loss. My hair was falling out. Look, you can see all these little hairs sticking up? That's all new hair growing back. Almost everybody has some hair loss because the body knows it's starving and that's one of the reactions a body will have to starvation. Luckily, I have thick enough hair and I knew it was only temporary, so I just hung in there. But that's purely cosmetic and it's growing back in now so it's fine. Plus, there's a lot of excess skin I'll have to deal with.

Did your doctor prepare you for all of this?

Yes, and I had read about it. He gave me this huge book to read. In retrospect, if I had anything to do different, I would have gone on to the obesityhelp.com Web site before I had my surgery and dealt with more people's personal experiences. That would have helped me a lot more.

 

Would you recommend the surgery to other people?

Yes. I wish I would have done it years earlier. Every 20 pounds I lose makes it worthwhile.

You mentioned your friend who had the surgery. Are you close to anyone else who's had the surgery?

I know two girls, both younger than me, who've had it, and we talk about our surgeries. It's really helpful.

Do you ever hear anything negative from people about having had the surgery?

No, but only because the people who might say anything to me about it know me and they know that if they flip me any poop, I'm not going to walk away quietly. I'm definitely going to address it. The people who would say those kinds of things wouldn't say it out of curiosity but to try and hurt me. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior.

And, I guess you wouldn't surround yourself with unsupportive people anyway.

Right. Maybe it happens, but if it does, it happens behind my back so I don't care.

Any negative response from your friends or family?

I did have one friend recently say my personality had changed. I said, "If you think a divorce and a huge weight loss wouldn't change me, then surprise to you."

Do you think your personality has changed?

Before, I was a little more easily dismissed because I was the fat girl. And now, I'm a woman. I'm more direct. I was always that way but it was easier to dismiss me because I was the fat girl. Not any more. It's something I've been learning about [myself] lately. I don't know if it's about the weight loss, but I'm aware of how I deal with men, with strangers who feel that they have some say in how I conduct my life. I don't let that go any more. I don't back down as easily as I used to. I'm not afraid.

Do you have a different body image?

My body image before was that I knew that I was fat, but I convinced myself I looked better than I did. And now, if anything, it's the other way around.

Why is that?

Because I don't really know [how I look]. I don't really know. Of course, my friends tell me I look great. My friends love me. Strangers don't know what I looked like before so they aren't going to say, "You look great since you lost all the weight." Before, I knew where I stood. I knew what everyone thought of me. I could say what I wanted and act however I wanted because people knew there wasn't any fear, like from a woman worried about me saying how cute her husband was because there was no ulterior motive. I could just be who I was. I knew that whatever I said could be taken as a joke.

Do you watch what you say now to guys?

[Laughs] Yes! With my friends I'm the same, but when I'm out in public, where before I might have walked up to a guy and said, "Come dance with me, cute boy!" now I won't. Now, I'm afraid that they might think, "If I dance with her, she'll think I want more and I don't." That's my own thing. I don't know how strangers perceive me. Before, I knew how strangers perceived me. I had nothing to lose so I could totally be myself. Now I don't know how strangers perceive me so I don't know how much of myself to show them.

Were you always "yourself" before or did you always try to be funnier, more clever, smarter?

I have always felt that if I want you to be my friend, you will be and the weight hasn't changed that [laughs]. Before, I might have said I was compensating, but I'm still that way.

Someone please pass me the duct tape.

No, not for the kids, they're fine.  In fact, they've been extra good, and the boy has been coming out of bed every night to give us "just another hug."

The duct tape?  For me.  I can't stand it.  Just put it over my mouth.  No, that won't work, I'm sure it would look bad if I went out in public with a strip of tape across my mouth. 

Maybe a Hannibal Lechter fashioned face mask?  Wait, that wouldn't effect my verbal diarrhea, it would spew out from the breathing holes.  Maybe, tape my fingers together and do not give access to a keyboard, do not allow me type.  Please. 

This may make sense soon enough, if I'm not threatened because it's requested to remain "confidential" information and they "wish for such documents to be kept under seal."  I'm not a good secret keeper, hence all of this drama in the first place.  I don't think you get it - I really am a good person.  Things weren't meant to go in this direction, and they are now headed down a very nasty path.

I wouldn't be nearly as completely overwhelmed and affected by the entire course of events if I hadn't been initially told to be quiet about it.  Now, to also see that they don't want it publicized.  What purpose does this serve, other than to make me a human stew of anxiety, distrust, cynicism and hate served up in a steaming bowl of verbal diarrhea?

Surely you can't be serious? I am serious, but don't call me Shirley.

Melissa from Suburban Bliss was recently featured on the Today Show with Meredith Viera for a segment about mothers having a little (like, a glass'o'wine) drinkiepoo whilst having a playdate.  (I'm not going to begin to go there, she's done a beautiful job expressing herself.)  Anyway, I have no point here, except to point out this wee bit:  "I suggested sometimes my children make me think about ridiculous things, like selling him on ebay."  Choke.  Sputter.  Giggle.  Wait, do people take this poop seriously?  Nah, for real?  You mean to say not all mothers feel that way, at least without physically SAYING it out loud once in a while? 

What does that mean about people like me, who might drop little bombs like "selling them on eBay" into casual conversation, um, all the time?  I make sarcastically enhanced comments about everything in my life, All The Time, daily, even.  One of the BlogAds I added to the sidebar recently says just that "so she (me) doesn't sell her kids on eBay."  Did I think for one moment that anyone would take that seriously?  Should all blogs have a disclaimer, just to remind folks that what the blogger writes may very well be sarcastic?  Forget having a glass of wine while hanging out with your children (which is perfectly acceptable, if not RECOMMENDED, how else can you deal with those little punks?) what in the hell do other people think of you if you're auctioning your kids off like me?

See?  That's that sarcasm talking.  Jeez.

Peanut Butter Crunch Bars.

Peanut Butter Crunch Bars Up the ass., originally uploaded by m e l t i n g mama.

He ordered two shipments, one was wrong, they sent more. These bars Make You Fart. Avoid.

We have the same hair do.

We have the same hair do., originally uploaded by m e l t i n g mama.

IDS Protein?

Has anyone tried these?  Since I'm having such trouble with real food lately - I'm wondering.  They are protein shots from IDS.

Ingredients:

  Pure deionized water, actinase (patent pending blend of enzymatically hydrolyzed (predigested) collagenic protein isolate, whey protein isolate and casein protein isolate), malic acid, Myovol complex (proprietary blend of leucine, valine and isoleucine), all natural flavors acesulfame-potassium, sucralose, blue 1 and red 40.

Pre-digested, I can't go wrong, right?!

Gastric Bypass Malpractice Lawyers?

Wow.  This is interesting. I just stumbled upon a law firm's website that deals with gastric bypass malpractice suits.  I'm wondering, though, how does one decide just WHAT would be considered "malpractice" especially when some of the items they discuss are so common post-operatively?  I'm guessing more than a few readers here would have a case.  If anything, it's a good topic.  Discuss.

Source:  http://www.gastricbypassmalpractice.com/gastricbypassmalpracticevictim.html

"When Gastric Bypass surgery is successful it can be a blessing, when it is not, it can be a personal and family disaster. Our job is to help you sort out gastric bypass malpractice from unpreventable problems. Because gastric bypass operations commonly require the cutting and reconnecting of tissue, problems with the suture (stitches) or staple line connections can be catastrophic. Leaking of gastrointestinal juices from the surgical connections can lead to serious infection, abscess, peritonitis and death.

Any evidence of symptoms that might be caused by a leak must be investigated at once. The failure to take the gastric bypass patient's complaints seriously, and quickly act, is a prime example of malpractice. By the second day after gastric bypass surgery pain should be greatly diminished or absent. If there is worsening pain, or back pain, or left shoulder pain, or excessive urination, or breathing difficulty, or significant anxiety, the surgeon must suspect a leak.

In addition to gastric bypass surgery leaks, the most common cause of death is pulmonary emboli (clot), respiratory (breathing) failure, and gastric dilatation (abnormal enlargement). Common gastric bypass postoperative problems include infection and opening of the skin suture line, small bowel obstruction, kidney problems, gallstones, nausea and vomiting, hernia, and electrolyte and vitamin imbalances.

It is vital that the gastric bypass surgeon take the time to educate patient and family on the symptoms of postoperative complications together with the need to consult the surgeon or return to the hospital if symptoms appear. The surgeon is obligated to devote sufficient time to monitoring their patients' postoperative recoveries. Never hesitate to return to the hospital if the surgeon is not taking your complaints seriously, and be aware that the presence of a leak can often be confirmed by relatively simple gastrointestinal x-rays. When a leak is occurring, time is of the essence so that irreversible infection leading to organ failure and death does not occur. Exploratory surgery must be done even in the face of a negative x-ray when there is high suspicion of a leak."

Death (Did Not) Become Her.

I rocked myself to sleep, literally, last night. My intestines were writhing and cramping, and I kept waiting for this massive explosion that didn't happen.  Bob suggested, "Maybe you've got a blockage finally,"  because it's one of those things I thought for certain would get me at some point.  (Since, TMI, I am generally unable to go potty. Which of course, is due to the fact that I eat Nearly NO Fiber/Fibrous foods, because, well, last night happens!)  "The docs" say we're supposed to be able to eat a normal diet after surgery, but, forget about it, it's not always true.  It's taken me nearly three years to see the direct connections from food and their resulting effects, but it's obvious now.  Eat (a food like) celery = rock self to sleep in intestinal pain and hope to not poop self in sleep.  You'd think my fat cells would rejoice at the celery coming down the chute.  Whatever.  Here, a little tidbit about the RNY and it's disadvantages (Yes, mother, I've already developed most of this.)

"Disadvantages: Combined procedures are more difficult to perform than the restrictive procedures. They are also more likely to result in long-term nutritional deficiencies. This is because the operation causes food to bypass the duodenum and jejunum, where most iron and calcium are absorbed. Menstruating women may develop anemia because not enough vitamin B12 and iron are absorbed. Decreased absorption of calcium may also bring on osteoporosis and related bone diseases. Patients must take nutritional supplements that usually prevent these deficiencies.         

RGB operations may also cause “dumping syndrome,” an unpleasant reaction that can occur after a meal high in simple carbohydrates, which contain sugars that are rapidly absorbed by the body.

Stomach contents move too quickly through the small intestine, causing symptoms such as nausea, bloating, abdominal pain, weakness, sweating, faintness, and sometimes diarrhea after eating. Because the duodenal switch operation keeps the pyloric valve intact, it may reduce the likelihood of dumping syndrome."

I Not Qualified.

Seeing as I was shot down for the last TWO potential jobs, I'm "actively seeking employment" again.  This is slightly more embarrassing (than I thought) not even getting a second interview for the first job which was Making Coffee, and then, no response to the second job interview which was, coincidentally also Making Coffee and Other Things. 

I guess I should cross off Making Coffee For You from my List of Things I Thought I Was Capable Of.  Gosh!  I think at this point, if I'm to go in to another job interview, I should actively lie.  I should say that I'm single, no kids, seeking part time work because I'm "back in college" or that maybe I'm already working full time ("at home with kids," but I won't say that part at all) and seeing part time work because I need a little fun money?!  Eh, that won't work, even without giving a resume (mine, of course is very spass) I'd have to fill out a job application that states the who/what/where/why of the last ten or so years.

What will be more embarrassing, is that my husband just dropped off an application to a Coffee Making and Serving Facility, and if they hire him, I will scream.  (But, it would prove a point or three.)  I can't imagine him doing it - with a shirt and tie after or before work?!  I think he's just screwing with my head. 

Kids, don't eat and drive.

Yesterday, Dad took the big kids out on a "date."  They were off for lunch and some time at a local indoor germplayground.  For lunch?  I suggested Friendly's, thinking they would be thrilled to hear that, because they hadn't been there in a while.  My son sulked down the stairs on the way out the door and said, (much like Eeyore) "let's all go to Frieeeendly's, because WE have a COO-PAWN." 

Okay, so maybe I suggested that restaurant because I DID have a coupon for free kids' meals, but, it was totally non-usable until February, and that was only because the coupons I had for Wendy's were useless also until after Valentine's Day.  So, can't a girl save a few dollars?  Since I wasn't going - I didn't get the final say, and they ended up at The Outback.  The kids were in fried carbohydrate heaven, and Dad too, I'm sure. (Do Aussie Cheese Fries Sound Good?)  The meals end with a "free" dessert, the kids had ice-cream, and Dad says he had a "few bites" of "some cake-thing." (Thunda From Down Undah? Sounds like the makings of diarrhea to ME!) Mmm-hmm, cake after carbs.  So, he pays, leaves, and heads out to the parking lot with the kids, where they witness a car full of young adults back into another car in the lot and drive off. 

Dad feels a slight fullness in his belly, and decides to see if that person comes out to the lot quickly, to let him know he's been hit.  While sitting there for just a moment, he falls into The Worst Stomach Discomfort You Can Imagine After Gastric Bypass.  (Serves him right, right?)  He tells the kids - "Let's just sit here a minute while I take a little break."  :::locks car doors, puts on the radio, they play quietly::  He lays there, head in hands, trying to rock the sickness away.  Must.Feel.Better.So.Sick.Need.To.Puke.Or.Sleep.  NOW!  The kids know what's going on, it's not like it's the first time Daddy's eaten cake and "dumped" in front of them, though he's really sneaky about hiding it, but we can all see it. His face falls, he gets really sleepy-looking, and all of a sudden, the TV show that may be on is The Most Important Thing In The World, and nothing may distract him.  He might lean to the side, hug himself, put his legs up and out, and take a little "rest."  He might get up and run to the bathroom, and "not have diarrhea." 

So, as this occurs in the car, at least he had the common sense to Not Drive While Carbtoxicated.  He knows driving whilst DUI/Carbs can be bad news.  Nausea, cramps, diarrhea, dizziness, faintness, anxiety, shaking, cold-sweating, you name it, it can happen, and it's no fun.  I've had to pull over in sheer intestinal hell before, trying not to lose my bowels while I dry-heaved into a plastic bag due to eating one bite too much, or something that didn't agree with me.  Dad's little rest took about a half-hour before he felt alive enough to drive again, and they headed to the indoor playground.  While he's lucky he didn't shoot flames out of his rear end while there playing with the kids, as soon as he got home I could see "that look" on his face, the one that says "move, I gotta go."  I think this little episode may have effected him just slightly, because this morning before leaving for work, he was bent over the computer staring at a protein bar and inputting the nutritional information into the newly downloaded Fitday PC, saying that he was "starting today."  Starting something, I guess, like, not eating cake.

From this week's Post Secret: Lap-Band.

When I first saw this, I got really pissed off at this person, for like, half a second.  How COULD you?  Liar!  (But, then, I realized, you know, How Much Easier Would It Be Not To Tell, and five hundred other reasons.)  What do you think?

Ugh

I haven't been eating very well since my back started hurting.  It's not terrible, but it's not going to create weight loss, I tell you that much.  It's funny, I can feel the graze coming on - but I can't so much stop it from snowballing sometimes.  Yesterday is a prime example:  I woke up with the no real plan for the day, and began with a protein bar, which would normally be fine, but I ended up eating two other protein bars in the middle of the day, which also would have been fine, if I hadn't been picking at cheese while making lasagna, and whatever else I picked at.  It's the times when I eat "real food" that do me in.  If I could just stick with the protein, things would be easier.  Or, if I could stick with just a low-cal regular food diet, but that's very difficult with my digestion/lack of.  I can't eat a salad, veggies, fruit, many carbohydrates, etc., all of which are staples of a low calorie plan. My problem really is the picking/grazing of any other food outside of my "meals" of protein. 

Even if I'm only eating 2-3 protein bars, 2-3 cottage cheese cups a day, I may graze and "forget" those three bites of Whole Fat Ricotta Cheese - Two Bites of Mozzarella - Bite of Cooked Ground Beef - Noodle (just to check, you see?) - insignificant by themselves, but they add up to an entire meal, while I'm just cooking.  Then, of course, if I May Have Eaten a Cookie or Three that shouldn't have been in my presence, that certainly adds in, too, not to mention the tortilla chips (but, Beth, they're baked?) in the car.  Okay, I'm stopping, you get the point.  Time to move on.  Obviously today has started with better intentions, and I actually have zippo appetite since our sleepover guest just vomited all over my sons' mattress. 

 

She's home.

SIL is home, liquid Percocet in hand, reclining, and sipping water out of a 1 oz. medicine cup like a trooper.  She's moving faster than expected, and seems better overall than I'd expect after being gutted like a fish, but she's hurting.  My daughter is over there now, maybe she'll keep her spirits up a little and maybe help out a bit.

Spongenotworthy.

Kitchen-sponges are germ factories, all sorts of bacteria grow on them.  Scientists have figured out that if you microwave your sponge, it cuts the bacteria way down, and makes it safer to use.  I have the perfect cure for this problem.  Don't Use A Sponge?!  Ick.  I've never owned one.

"One household product that spreads infection hasn't changed much over the years: your kitchen sponge. But scientists say they've found a near-foolproof method for sanitizing even that old germ trap - make sure the sponge is wet, then nuke it in your microwave oven. Why be so obsessive? Hygiene experts warn that any time you use a sponge to clean up the mess from a party or family meal, it teems with germs that sit there, waiting for you to use the sponge again and spread germs to sinks, utensils and countertops - until they make someone sick. In fact, sponges are one of the key pathways for bacteria, viruses, parasites and other germs to spread in the home, causing many of the estimated 76 million cases of food-borne illnesses a year, experts say. Some microbiologists recommend throwing sponges away after a week to keep the germs at bay. But almost nobody does. "The kitchen sponge is a source of all sorts of microbes," says Gabriel Bitton, an environmental microbiologist at the University of Florida. Bitton and a team of UF researchers say their recipe for making sponges less infectious is simple: microwave them on high for about two minutes. "It won't completely sterilize them, but it will knock out almost all of the bacteria," Bitton said. Specifically, the heat and drying process destroy bacteria and other pathogens that need water to survive, according to Bitton and other experts."

1-26-2007

I was able to sleep from midnight to six in the morning without waking in distress from my back, so maybe it's going to fizzle away and heal itself.  I was able to get out of bed normally, and didn't feel the z-z-zing twinge of pain that radiates from my lower back down my legs until my feet hit the floor and I had to hold myself against the wall for a minute.  Standing and shifting doesn't hurt too much, but sitting on a chair is nearly unbearable.  Driving my car last night to pick up my daughter, I couldn't push back in the seat and hit the gas pedal at the same time, it hurt too much.  I can sit on a softer surface, like a couch, but carefully.  I think I may do some serious pacing and stretching today, because sitting isn't really an option.  I can't put the baby in her playpen, swing or any contraption near the floor, because I am afraid that once there, I won't be able to scoop her up AND get myself back upright.  She's now on the counter next to me in the infant bouncy seat, talking to the kitchen ceiling, where I can pick her up from chest level.  I was blaming the pain on the baby, thinking I'd hurt myself while bouncing her the other night, because she was extraordinarily fussy.  I'd sat on the edge of my bed and did the "Ssh, ssh, ssh.." and repetitive bouncing because it works, and I felt a twinge.  Now, I'm blaming it on my husband, because that same day, he tried (as he often does) to pick me up, literally, like, off the floor.  (He doesn't really get that dead-weight lifting 170plus pounds isn't a good idea.)  He cracked my spine in that same spot when picking me up, I felt it.  So, it's his fault now.

Anyway - no weight today - I made the idiotic mistake of getting on the scale last night after I took a hot hot hot shower to try to help my back.  Instant weight regain?!  I love seeing a seven pound instant weight change in the wrong direction, and now I'm scared to go back on it.  I've eaten extra-well for a few days now, and although real exercise is out of the question, I think I'll be losing very soon.  I think I may wait to weigh-in appropriately and post for a few days, since my body is so out of whack?!

Today:

7am - Coffee

Got it together? No, but does anybody?

I got an email today from a reader, who comments that she's surprised in a way that I seem to have it all together for the amount of life changes that have gone on.  (Aside: What life changes?!)  I laughed, out loud. 

Certainly I don't mean to come across as having anything together, because I don't.  It couldn't be further from the truth.  I don't want you to read this thinking that there is anything to be learned from ME except a lot of What Not To Do situations, not just about weight issues, but everything.  I guess it's hard to tell the reality of a situation without actually being there, you know?  I hate to think that someone would read this blog thinking that I've really got it together, when, truthfully, it's all I can do to wake up and make it through each day. 

This is something you realize, after/during weight loss (Go up and read the quote at the top of the page) it's entirely true.  I don't necessarily like Dr. Phil - but - that little tidbit is golden.  Losing weight is not a cure for life. 

The issues that were there that caused you to get fat in the first place do not magically disappear, and certainly the weight issue never resolves itself, it's lifelong.  This is why I have a blog.  I'd love to be able to share more - many times I write things and delete them - but that's my fault for putting a face to the blog.  Sometimes I wish I started this anonymously in order to be much more blunt and in your face about issues.  I promised I would delve into deeper issues this year with the blog, because I believe we should be able to share all the negatives about weight issues (and anything else) and not just the stupid "yay, I lost a pound" crap.  Have I rambled enough?

"Stuff the sausage in your pants, and go!"

The most shoplifted item in America?  Good ol' meat.  It's said that the most likely person to do this - is my average blog-reader, the middle-aged woman with a job.  I know it's wrong, it's bad, and I shouldn't laugh, but, I'm picturing some of you leaving your nice little desks at work, going over to Trader Joes, Whole Foods, or your local chain grocery store, and stuffing a big bloody pork tenderloin in your Spanx.  It's good to know that it's not stressed-unemployed-mom-of-four.  I couldn't do it, I'd hyperventilate at the thought of a cold Filet Mignon in my fuzzy velour jogging suit, and getting blood on my sneakers.   

It brings me back to my retail "management" days, when we were trained that our most likely shoplifter would be a "mom with a baby carriage."  I was told to watch "them like a hawk" because they'd shove clothes in the baby's gear and leave the store.  I saw that happen a couple of times, but there really isn't a thing you can do as a retail clerk in the store, unless you see every breathing moment that the person is in there, and you can't accuse them until they try to leave anyways.  It was a big hassle.  The only person I ever "caught" and called mall security on didn't fit the description of the "mom with a baby carriage" that the corporation tried to teach us about.  It was an older woman in her fifties, in a long fur coat, full face of heavy make-up, hair crisp with Aqua-net, stuffing gaudy Lane Bryant bracelets in her pockets and purse.  We kept her in the store, and called "Mall Security" which of course Is A Joke in that particular mall, and they accosted her, found the merchandise and called the police.  She was slapped with an order to not return to the mall, FOR SHAME! 

Somehow I'm thinking being LP in a grocery store would be fun - watching middle aged women finding places to play hide-the-meat!   That would be hilarious.

Wait, my mother fits in this category.  Mother, Have You Stolen Organic Angus Steaks From Whole Foods Lately?!

Tasty morsels.

Tasty morsels., originally uploaded by m e l t i n g mama.

Three months (a little late, but, whatever.)

Smile., originally uploaded by m e l t i n g mama.

G'head and click on the Flickr for more birth control.