On a positive note! Vacation!
See? See?

157. And a little reflection.

157.

I worked a very long day yesterday, missed Bob's birthday party, but like I said - it's okay, because during the party?  J finally tossed her own cookies (well, fruit salad) all over the place.  (That's 75% of children that have been sick with this particular virus now)  Last night, Bob was up with the typhoid himself.  He came into the kitchen this morning and asked me why I was laughing at him like an evil maniac at two in the morning.   "Did you know you were laughing at me?!"  I told him that it was because I had the death of the bowels for five days, one night was "nothin'."  Sorry, but, I was waiting for him to have To Run Fast!  He's gone to a meeting now - which figures that he's sick for this one, since he was sick during the last one a month or two ago.

Today - I feel "okay."  I am out of the woods I think.  (I said that last time and it came back, so...)  But, no emergencies since yesterday.  I'm weighing in at 157. 

For a moment yesterday, I thought, "Wait, I could totally get to my first goal (150) by the wedding (the dress!) at this rate with the freaking diarrhea!"  Sick thought, I tell you. 

I might still see 150 though for the wearing of the dress, that's a good thing.  150 is a good place to be.  I still do not look anywhere near normal, but - folks seem to look past flaws if you're otherwise (in quotes) "thin."   

When I lost the weight the first time after surgery and saw my lowest point (around 150) people said I was small.  150 apparently looks different on me than others.  Parts of me look quite small, sort of making you forget that parts of me resemble a California Raisin or bloated cadaver.  My lower arms look quite petite at that weight, and then no one really bothers to mention the stretch marks that nearly go as far as my short sleeves.  It's interesting how other people won't bother you about things like that if you're otherwise "normal."   

As soon as I'm over this weight range, I look "fat" and - it's like a reason to start a conversation about flaws, or to consider me less of a capable person somehow.

After having been all ranges of size in the levels of morbidly obese, obese, overweight, and now getting close to my "healthy weight" I've learned that dealing with other people (this is no big "amen" moment, girls, this is just my honest perception) easier as a petite person.  People don't take ME as a fat girl seriously.  As soon as I take on the slight angular look, I am listened to.  When I get squishy?  They look through me.  I catch people looking at me differently at this size, and I get what I ask for, also.  Add 25 - 50 - 100 - 150 pounds, and people somehow find it easier to tell me "no."  (Anyone, just generic.)

I am aware that the perceived self-confidence at this size may very well just be stronger than it is 25 lbs. etc, heavier, but... I've said this before - I Never Changed.  I've always been the same girl in a newer - saggier - skin.  Even with the same personality and level of confidence, I get VASTLY different reactions from people known and unknown to me at the different body sizes.  It's scary, even.  I can't imagine what would be possible if my body were normal with plastic surgery.  The power of boobs, girls.  What would I do with the power of the boobs?  (I'm kidding around at this point, but... think about it.)

Anyways - I was just posting a weight update, and started Deep Thoughts.  Discuss.

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