The telltale sound tells on you, and you can't hide that sneaked snack. Even the baby knows the sound, and will turn her head and salivate on cue. I guess this means we've had too many sneaks of the whip-cream. I've always had a love for whip-cream, and in my former life, Cool-Whip from the tub. Nearly three point five years after being alternatively routed of the digestion, most of the sneaky snacks have drastically changed, except for the whip-cream right out of the can.
I have traded Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups for Protein Wafers, and a bag of fried cheese puffs for a flaxseed tortilla with melted cheese. This is for life. I cannot ever go back to eating that way. On the occasions that I decide that I want to be "normal for just a ****ing minute, and I'm going to eat whatever the hell I feel like it" - I have the alternatively routed digestion telling me, "Not a chance. Take this, idiot."
Rewind to the former me. Rewind to the former (or soon-to-be former) you, too. Going way back, thinking about the things I would ingest - at all ages - the bizarre yet not so bizarre cravings. Here's my not entirely conclusive list of foods eaten just, well, because.
Keep in mind, as a child, I really wasn't hugely fat - just always overweight and pushing obese until I got pregnant the first time. But, I was obsessed with sugar and snacks. Carbohydrates have always been my intense craving and adversary.
Here is my list, things I'd obsess about and eat as a child, and many later as a young adult:
- Whip cream, cool whip (frozen?)
- Frosting out of a can, on a spoon, it morphed to graham crackers as an adult.
- Sugar, any variety, white, brown, powdered, even sugar packets
- Bitter baking chocolate
- Jello- before it jello'ed.
- Donuts. Not a big deal, 'cept when you're ten and having three at breakfast.
- Fudge/frosting made from the recipe on the side of the Hershey's Baking Chocolate box
- Butter. Not sticks so much as finding something that required butter and putting tons of it on.
- After dinner mints, by the bag.
- Candy buttons, satellite wafers.
- Bread, if only to put butter on it.
- Ice Cream - insane amounts of Breyers' Mint Chocolate Chip, later Ben + Jerry's in the pint - I could put away nearly a pint in a sitting by the time I was buying them myself.
- Doritos. Cool Ranch flavor. In between dance classes, we all went up to the store and bought "Big Grab" sized bags of Doritos and ate the entire thing with a Diet Soda or Gatorade.
- Cheetos. Lick your fingers.
- Hot black tea with tons of sugar.
- Raw cookie dough out of a tube.
- Raw any kind of dough.
- Honey packets.
- Raw spaghetti strands.
- Cold pasta out of a can.
- Those cheap frozen burritos.
- Frozen pizza-for-one! I'd add parmesan cheese to it. Tons.
- Hoodsies. (single-serve ice cream cups) But, when they were available, I'd keep getting one. Same went for any quiescently frozen confection.
- This list is making me twitch. I'll stop now.
After we moved out of my mom's house ten years ago, I got considerably fatter, but I didn't really snack on any odd things, it moved on to lots of homemade comfort foods, and way more cheap take-out than is necessary. We ate a lot of McDonalds' dinners, (his first few jobs were fast-food management, a steak place, pizza shop and a McD's for a few months) subs, fries, pizzas, and pu pu platters.
Now, my how things have changed. My eating habits seem much more bizarre now, to normal people, I am sure, because I eat like a semi-health freak with a fat girl stuck in her head.
"Weird" things I ingest NOW when I'm sneaky?
- Again, real dairy whipped cream.
- Olives, any variety, stuffed, un-stuffed, pits, no pits, anything.
- Sour pickles.
- Feta Cheese, plain
- Bacon bits.
- Banana peppers.
- Sharp cheeses. I have to hide it sometimes.
- "Healthy" bread by the slice. Again, have to keep it out of sight
- Extra dark chocolate, without sugar-alcohols.
- Sometimes I'll drain the super-salty broth from condensed soup and drink it. Blech.
- Popcorn, if only to have butter on it.
- Butter, is still a real trigger. I will search for something healthy to have it on - like brown rice and soy sauce.
See, it's quite boring now...