Tuesday, August 22, 2007. How am I supposed to remember to test?
YouTube: A Sad Moment.

That telltale sound of a aerosol whip cream can.

The telltale sound tells on you, and you can't hide that sneaked snack.  Even the baby knows the sound, and will turn her head and salivate on cue.  I guess this means we've had too many sneaks of the whip-cream.  I've always had a love for whip-cream, and in my former life, Cool-Whip from the tub.  Nearly three point five years after being alternatively routed of the digestion, most of the sneaky snacks have drastically changed, except for the whip-cream right out of the can. 

I have traded Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups for Protein Wafers, and a bag of fried cheese puffs for a flaxseed tortilla with melted cheese.  This is for life.  I cannot ever go back to eating that way.  On the occasions that I decide that I want to be "normal for just a ****ing minute, and I'm going to eat whatever the hell I feel like it" - I have the alternatively routed digestion telling me, "Not a chance. Take this, idiot."

Rewind to the former me.  Rewind to the former (or soon-to-be former) you, too.  Going way back, thinking about the things I would ingest - at all ages - the bizarre yet not so bizarre cravings.  Here's my not entirely conclusive list of foods eaten just, well, because.

Keep in mind, as a child, I really wasn't hugely fat - just always overweight and pushing obese until I got pregnant the first time.  But, I was obsessed with sugar and snacks.  Carbohydrates have always been my intense craving and adversary. 

Here is my list, things I'd obsess about and eat as a child, and many later as a young adult:

  • Whip cream, cool whip (frozen?)
  • Frosting out of a can, on a spoon, it morphed to graham crackers as an adult.
  • Sugar, any variety, white, brown, powdered, even sugar packets
  • Bitter baking chocolate
  • Jello- before it jello'ed.
  • Donuts.  Not a big deal, 'cept when you're ten and having three at breakfast.
  • Fudge/frosting made from the recipe on the side of the Hershey's Baking Chocolate box
  • Butter.  Not sticks so much as finding something that required butter and putting tons of it on.
  • After dinner mints, by the bag.
  • Candy buttons, satellite wafers.
  • Bread, if only to put butter on it.
  • Ice Cream - insane amounts of Breyers'  Mint Chocolate Chip, later Ben + Jerry's in the pint - I could put away nearly a pint in a sitting by the time I was buying them myself.
  • Doritos.  Cool Ranch flavor.  In between dance classes, we all went up to the store and bought "Big Grab" sized bags of Doritos and ate the entire thing with a Diet Soda or Gatorade.
  • Cheetos.  Lick your fingers.
  • Hot black tea with tons of sugar.
  • Raw cookie dough out of a tube.
  • Raw any kind of dough.
  • Honey packets.
  • Raw spaghetti strands.
  • Cold pasta out of a can.
  • Those cheap frozen burritos.
  • Frozen pizza-for-one!  I'd add parmesan cheese to it. Tons.
  • Hoodsies.  (single-serve ice cream cups)  But, when they were available, I'd keep getting one.  Same went for any quiescently frozen confection.
  • This list is making me twitch.  I'll stop now.

After we moved out of my mom's house ten years ago, I got considerably fatter, but I didn't really snack on any odd things, it moved on to lots of homemade comfort foods, and way more cheap take-out than is necessary.  We ate a lot of McDonalds' dinners, (his first few jobs were fast-food management, a steak place, pizza shop and a McD's for a few months) subs, fries, pizzas, and pu pu platters.

Now, my how things have changed.  My eating habits seem much more bizarre now, to normal people, I am sure, because I eat like a semi-health freak with a fat girl stuck in her head. 

"Weird" things I ingest NOW when I'm sneaky?

  • Again, real dairy whipped cream.
  • Olives, any variety, stuffed, un-stuffed, pits, no pits, anything.
  • Sour pickles.
  • Feta Cheese, plain
  • Bacon bits.
  • Banana peppers.
  • Sharp cheeses.  I have to hide it sometimes.
  • "Healthy" bread by the slice.  Again, have to keep it out of sight
  • Extra dark chocolate, without sugar-alcohols.
  • Sometimes I'll drain the super-salty broth from condensed soup and drink it. Blech.
  • Popcorn, if only to have butter on it.
  • Butter, is still a real trigger.  I will search for something healthy to have it on - like brown rice and soy sauce.

See, it's quite boring now...

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