*If you're my mother and you're reading this: No, I didn't call you when this happened, because I was too busy blaming Bob and calling AAA to save us.
Unrelated to what I'm about to tell you - but I do have to share something first because I just remembered it and I have an ADHD brain that remembers and forgets things like a pasta drainer. We were at a family Christmahanukwanzahah get together last night, and MIL shares that:
"We were laughing like hell at you last night."
Err, okay, thanks. I'm used to it, but why last night, what in the heck did I do, I wasn't there?
"So, we're all there, reading your blawwwg, about, you know, Wal-Mart, and we're laughing our asses off."
Yanno, when stuff happens around me - it ain't funny - till later, when I'm telling the internetz a story or even better, in person and they're all, "Oh mah goodness!"
I get it - poop happens to me and around me that might be your general run of the mill boring poop - but when it happens to me? It's hella funny!
So, we like, totally almost died today.
No offense to you if you're currently serving house arrest for DUI or something, I'm serious. We had to trek through the blizzard this morning to drop of something I mistakenly brought home from work last night (no, not the espresso machine, it won't fit in my purse) so we took my big 4X4 honkin' hillbilly truck to be "safe."
You see where this is going, eh? Don't scroll ahead.
We're one mile from my house - and we're discussing the safety of driving in bad weather conditions, and how it's better that we're in a truck, and we're going slow, and that we've never really had a problem yet, and....
WATCH OUT FOR THE BIG HUNK OF SNOOOOOOOOOOOW WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!!!!!!!
And then, we're spinning halfway around in our big safe truck, and I'm screaming, "OH MY GAWD, WE'RE GON DIE NOW!" Bob is laughing inappropriately, because, he totally thinks he's got a handle on the situation, and soon realizes, "We're not stooooooooooooooping!" My daughter said later, that we were "On two wheels!"
We twirl off the side of the road, into a snowbank and we're stopped from going any further due to a gulley and a small hill. We only came off he road about 8-10 feet, but, we got stuck. Had there been open space, we would have kept going into the grass, or into someone's living room. The snow is up to our doors in our very big truck, and I decide to get up and say, "Let's just sit here for a moment and think about this." Bob is wearing my entire soy cappuccino on his legs but doesn't feel it. He's still nervously laughing and fidgeting and asking for the phone - to call "AAA, you know, for a tow, this is no big deal."
I may have said, "Don't you DARE call family, do you know how embarrassing this is?" (Now, even better - on the internet.)
People drive by - repeatedly and often. No one stops, no one offers to lend a hand or make a phone call. (Stupid ****ing snobs.) One younger guy shows up in his Patriots sweats, on his way to watch the game at a friends' house - and asks to help. He and Bob try to push me into the road while I gun the engine in reverse, drive, reverse... we're stuck. The guy leaves to get a chain, and Bob wiggles and guns the truck back to the street - and we were saved - just as I get help on the phone with AAA who wants blood types and firstborn children to send out assistance.
We're alive, I didn't pee my pants like I thought I would in a near emergency car situation, and It Was So Not My Fault. HA.
This was just after, note that he's soaked.