, originally uploaded by Melting Mama.

Body functions in the mail.

I got a letter in the mail today from my health insurance company; apparently they've been attempting to "counsel" me via telephone with a nurse case manager, but we've had a very recent change in phone service, and I don't think they can get through.  Am I a complicated case or something?  Is this typical?

Also, in the mail, some recent test results, my cortisol, adrenal functions and TSH were all normal, so there's no obvious reasons there for any of my issues.  (A few of you out there had suggested that my levels might be off and triggering some of this.)

That time I mailed out 22 chocolate bars.

I'm an idiot.  I hope to get the bars out tomorrow.  When I had the brilliant idea to have giveaways?  I forgot a minor detail.  I am still on "house arrest," and when am I supposed to mail things that require postage?  Duh.  They'll get there.  Be patient.

That time I offended everybody during Lent.

*Just remember guys, I have needs that are special and I am in a vewwy fwagile state wight now. 

Kids, could you turn on the lights?

"Ma, I'm not touching that, you do it."

"I don't think so, you do it."

"Um, let's save electricity."

That time you heard much more about my ass that you needed to.

You know it's time to go grocery shopping in my house when I have finally thrown out the last of the food that I did not eat that I said I would.  Typically, it's yogurt.  I buy oodles of yogurt. "I should eat yogurt, it's really good for your digestion, you know.  Look!  It's on sale, let's get ten!  Ooh, how about this delightfully slimy flavor!"  I have never liked the stuff. 

I truly do not like artificially sweetened yogurt, but I can't stop myself, I have a yogurt purchasing compulsion issue.  Please help me.

In an effort to SBA (Save Beth's ass) I ate a yogurt just now.  The LAST yogurt, dated February 28th, 2008.  GULP, Immadienow. 

Again, I am telling you, "diet" yogurt is why diet starts with DIE. 

(You all saw a glimpse of The ass That Ate Boston online yesterday, and I had my chubby finger on the delete button, but I stopped.  I realized, you know - if that isn't motivation - what is?)

ETA:  I've come back to read this post, because the yogurt + half serving of Fiber One made me crash, so, screw yogurt.  Yogurt, fiber, diets, you all suck.

"Killer At Large." Upcoming Documentary.

Regardless of your stance on the issue - tell me this does not effect you.

Mmm, tastes like, well, Kashi!

toothpastefordinner.com

Okay, I know it doesn't fit. But... you can click the link to see the whole comic. Also I am a fan of Kashi. I wouldn't make fun of the twigs that are Kashi, but... anybody that's been Not On A Diet Knows these things.

I think Obesity Help Blew Up.

Either I have been banned for life - or Obesity Help has imploded.  I had several messages sitting there, and when I clicked on each link to reply?  I got "Page not found, such and such an error, you brokez the internetz!" 

Big toy.

You may eat about 5 additional calories today.

I am.  Hence, my breakfast today, in honor of my flake-ness.  But, I'm down a little more!

Weight

• 165

Ate

• 1 serving Kellogg's All-Bran Cereal, "Yogurt Bites," plain (Because, I never eat cereal with milk, and wow That's A Lot Of Carbs + Lotsa Questionable Ingredients Once We Get The WHEAT out of the way, eh?  Review to come.)  "Beth, you know better, you know that will make you low." It did.



• 1 bag Kay's Naturals' Protein Prezzles. (110 calories)
• 1 package ISS Oh Yeah Protein Wafers (180 calories)
• 1 serving Cheez-Its (Get. Outta. Mah. House. 150 calories)
• 1 big plate o romaine lettuce + calorie free dressing (Picky, picking!)
• Homemade meatballs, some whole wheat pasta + sauce...
• Bad Beth --->  Lemon Poopy Seed Loaf.

Ended over by like, 300.

I got a present!

The taxes husband bought Mama a gift from her wish-list, well, not technically from the wish-list (which now must be updated, more than once, squee!) but he picked a Very Reasonable Facsimile.

I think he feels a little bit bad for her and doesn't want to find her stringing her babies from the shower rod when he gets home from work.   So, the answer?  Give me cappuccino.  Sure.  It's not like I won't order one when we go out, but, come on, a little decadence can't hurt at home*, too, considering I am stuck here. 

(*That Validates The Cost Of This Damn Thing, so I don't want to hear a word about it.  Technically, I am saving all sorts of money by being here at least five out of seven days!  No gas, no shopping, it does add up, even if I don't want it to.  I wasn't going to share this, because I know how it looks, because, I bitch, moan and complain about finances, but... this is something special.  Be happy, damn it.)

All of us together with very little brain.

Last night I had an email conversation with a fellow post-op RNY'er who has been dealing with hypoglycemia.  Her endocrinologist has told her she wants to get plans in place to send her to The Mayo Clinic, halfway across the country for this woman, for treatment of "nesidioblastosis."  This woman, asks me (I know, because my damn blog comes up in the Google searches in the top results because I used the terms repeatedly but I am by no means any expert on any of this?!)

"But, how does she know I have it?!" she asks me.

I told her, "I don't know." 

The only "test" that I have read about is the selective arterial calcium stimulation test, in which, I don't entirely understand - and then you dive into partial pancreatomy. 

"But, how does she know I need to go?" she asks me. 

I wish I knew.  (Maybe if I keep reading I will understand, but at this point, my blood sugar is too low to understand what I am reading.)

But, really, she went on to say that she has a couple lows a day for a day - and then can go a while with none, and it's a random cycle, precipitated by food.  Her lowest low, was 32, a few weeks ago, and she was conscious, but was able to drink juice and come up.  She is just really upset at the fact that the doctor wants her to uproot even for a few days and take off 1K miles away for testing - when - isn't there something that can't be done where she lives?  (I think she's in upstate NY.)

I live near a bunch of great city hospitals, and she says that from what she reads of "my" problems, that I am a hell of a lot worse off than she, so, "why is she being sent off to have her pancreas cut up?"

I don't know.  I have been dealing with a very conservative doctor, who has seen several patients through surgeries, and it doesn't always work, and I don't really have a rough case of hypoglycemia, actually.  Unless I start having convulsions that are directly linked to low blood sugar levels, well, I am fine.  I am not being snarky, it's true, the seizure issues are still "unrelated" but happening in the exact same time frame.

What can she do?  I didn't know what advice to give. 

I haven't gotten that far, I had other things happen that got more attention than low blood sugar, like the broken brain, which coincides with hypoglycemia, because...

 

I haven't been posting nor noting low blood sugars, although I know I am having them.  Why?  This medication is making me feel a bit hypoglycemic all day long and I LOATHE it.  I realized I explained that I was riding out the side effects, but they are all in my ****ing brain -and they are making my hypoglycemia symptoms blur entirely into what is now all day long functioning and I am not functioning.  This is not going to work.  I cannot be in charge of young people if I am not functioning properly.  I understand that having a seizure might not be a good idea either, and that medication may be a necessarily evil.  I suppose I could just itemize the "symptoms" - so that you can see that I am not making poop up.  I hate to feel like a hypochondriac, which is exactly where this is headed for someone who NEVER WENT TO THE DOCTOR, any doctor, previous to feeling like my brain was was MIA.

On this anti-seizure medication, "zonis@mide," generic for "zonegr@n," I am:

• dizzy, vertigo-ish, all. day. long.
• seriously visually screwed up, eyes not focusing, feels like a camera lens having to manually CHANGE my eyes, squinting
• ringing ears
• coordination messed up, more than normal even
• word recall still missing, "you know the thing where we put the stuff where the thing goes?"
• can't tell when blood sugar is low - until it is VERY low and I am pacing and confused, probably dangerous, good thing I am already unable to drive or operate heavy machinery.
• if I were working?!  I would be out of a job this week, I know it.

I'll quit there.  So, you see?  Not such a good thing.  I am "riding it out."  This is riding it out.  Ride. Ride.  Ride.  Ride. 

I don't want advice. 

I don't want medication. 

I want whatever it is making my brain implode to g'way so I can be normal again and eat food and drive a car, and go to work, and ... and ... and...

Varicozy.

One of these days I am going to take picture of my dog gamned leg.  Last night, I am laying in bed watching the news, Not Sleeping Because This Medicine doesn't knock my ass out until I am twirling inside my brain the next day dizzy.  I get The Pinched Nerve Pain From Hell. 

ZOINK.

GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP.

It is always in the same spot, tracing from my upper thigh, and you will find me pacing up and down the stairs, trying to make it go away.  It almost follows the path of my disgusting blue varicose vein, which I have had ultrasound tested because I thought it was gon' blow up and kill me a while back.  I have to walk it out - and eventually it passes, unless I bend my leg and trigger it again.  When I wake up with this pain, it's the "OH MY GOD IT'S THE BLOOD CLOTS THE BLOOD CLOTS ARE COMING" kind of pacing to see if it passes, so it is always a relief when it does go away.

The vein issues are one of those things I thought I would never have as young as I did (I got them at eighteen) nor would I have them as bad as I do now at age twenty-nine now that I am not morbidly obese, I am just technically "obese." overweight.  Somebody slap me.  Thanks, Meg.

Ronzoni Healthy Harvest Leap Day Giveaway and Free Rebate Offer.

If you're a fellow WLS'er, chances are, don't have much belly space for pasta, if at all - and if you do - it's got to be the good stuff.  Pasta choices have grown exponentially recently with lots of great additions like, Ronzoni's Healthy Harvest Line.  I will be posting a review, family-style of these pastas very soon.   (As for us, we only eat whole grain pastas, so this is old hat to my house.  My kids don't even bat an eye anymore.)

You want get a free box - or win a stash?  Read on?

"Every four years, Leap Day gives us an extra 24 hours. This year, on February 29th, RONZONI HEALTHY HARVEST® wants you to use that extra day – which is also the last day of Heart Health Month – to your heart’s advantage!

RONZONI HEALTHY HARVEST® is encouraging everyone to take small leaps to heart health, so we’re offering a FREE box of RONZONI HEALTHY HARVEST® pasta to every household in America on Leap Day! It’s easy to make the leap to whole grains with RONZONI HEALTHY HARVEST®, already a great tasting whole-wheat blend pasta and now with ALA Omega-3 fatty acids. With flaxseed, six grams of fiber per serving and more than 70% of your daily requirement for whole grains, RONZONI HEALTHY HARVEST® pasta is a healthier way to enjoy your favorite pasta dishes.

Simply purchase a box of RONZONI HEALTHY HARVEST® pasta at your local retailer on February 29, 2008 and mail in your receipt by March 15, 2008 with the downloadable claim form to receive your rebate!  Then congratulate yourself on making a small leap to healthy!"

If you would like to be entered in the drawing for several boxes of Ronzoni Healthy Harvest, comment on this post with an example of something you've done to help your heart lately, or a healthy recipe.  Good luck! 

Um, what?

Overheard just now in my house:  The boy spouse on the phone with his mother, "Just type victorias secret it should bring you right there, but I don't think they have shoes there?"  This, ladies and gentlemen, is a big deal.  The woman is buying shoes, two weeks pre-thigh lift.  What is she planning?

I mean, that's what they sell for shoes at Vickie's.  I've only ever seen her wear these from, well, you know:

Although I have to tell you - I may have already shared this, but, the woman was passing me all of her jeans that she bought and are TOO BIG for her.  I now have like ten pair of size 10 and 12 petite jeans that she can't wear because she fell out of them.  Bitch, please.

I guarantee you, that by June, she finishes with a little more plastic surgery a la boobies and gets into a bathing suit and goes on her cruise with the girls in a size four.

Tuesday.

Weight

• 166

Ate

• About 1000 calories.

Monday

Weight

• 167

Ate

• About 1000 calories.  Good.

You are about 247 calories over your recommended daily caloric intake for today.

Yahoo.  That's a good day.  Something noticed with this medication - it makes you feel a little bit weird in your belly.  You are hungry, you want to snack, but, sometimes, with the first bite of what you thought you wanted?  You are sent, spitting it out because it Tastes Like Wet Dog.  It could be a good thing, for someone like me who mindlessly picks, but, I can see where it could interfere with meals for someone else.

I remember you from Lane Bryant.

I met a woman today from eleventy years ago.

She says to me, "Do you remember me? You used to wait on me all the time at Lane Bryant." I shook my head, "No, I'm sorry, I don't remember anything these days." She remembers me, she says I am exactly the same.

I tole ya so.

Yes, I worked at Lane Bryant. 40% off, bitches.

I was eighteen years old, newly knocked up and having wicked fun morning sickness, and I was hired as a sales associate and promoted to store co-manager like, immediately. I spent many hours in that damned store, many sick hours. I quit on New Years Eve, after being left alone without a pee break for like, thirteen hours.

This one time at Lane Bryant? I lost a DIAMOND ****ING SOLITAIRE engagement ring down the backroom sink because my hands were swelling. My district store manager would not allow a plumber to get back there to clean the trap and see if I couldn't get it. (Had I known better?)

Moving on. I got a new ring that Christmas. But, still. He didn't need the debt.

Now, I remember the woman. I went to school with her daughters, also. But my brain is also a sponge.

You may eat about 406 additional calories today.

The Daily Plate mocks me. I know I need to log my food every day. This is one of those habits that need be used as necessary to get a derailed train back near the tracks. I hope that at some point in the future, I will be "normal" enough that I do not require food tracking. For now, it helps, especially if you are like me, trying to drop a couple pounds or trying to maintain your current weight.

But, when it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and your food log tells you in bright orange font You may eat about 406 additional calories today, it's a bit deflating. Sure, I could readjust the settings to allow for more calories, but, I always go over anyway. I have it set up to lose at the maximum allowed rate right now for my current weight, and it gives me 1,088 calories a day. I never eat 1,000. If I were, I would have dropped these last 30 already.

Anyway. I have no point. As you were.