This is what concerns me about finding a way to pay for photography college. But, paying $4.09 a gallon for gas sucks more.

From this week's Postsecret.

I have no idea.  I just love to take photographs.  I want to learn.  I am willing to learn.  I just have no patience and no financial means to pay the college.  And, I am afraid that no one would take me seriously if I showed them an online certificate that "paid for."  Sure, it only costs about $1000 for an online digital photography course, but that's not it.

I want to make a business for myself at some point.  I could do it. The schools that can teach me what I want to know - want much, much more.

I need to be prepared for the likelihood of NEVER being able to "go to work" in the normal sense.  I may need to be self-employed, out of the home, not because I have kids, because there is a likelihood that I will be stuck at home unless we find a way to sell our house and move to an urban area.

I don't know any other families around here with non-driving parents. There is nothing we can get to in walking distance.  No train, no bus, nothing, besides the center of town, which I walk to every day, for my walk, but that's not for "shopping."

Yes, that's what I have figured out.   We have to move, no, not right now, but, in the future.  We have to live in the city. Not that we could ever afford it - at least in any nice area of any city - not ever.  (We're living in the shittiest area of a  nice suburban town - and we could NEVER afford any other part of this same town, in fact, we'd move back here as a destination if we could.)

My husband is actively applying for other jobs on Monster dot com.  He has been twitching lately.   If you know him, it's the stress.  When he feels stress, he physically twitches in his jaw.  The household bills are "out of control," and filling the gas tank yesterday at $4.09 nearly made him have an anxiety attack. 

The economy just sucks right now (surprise) and of course it's a huge shot in the dark, but we really expected that I would be working again, at least making coffee.  (But, even that would be a giant pain the ass, trying to manipulate getting me to/fro a shop is just near impossible when you add four kids to that.)

There is no way to live without driving in a non-urban area with four kids in 2008.    (And, there's no way to live on one income.)  I am not complaining.  I am just frustrated.  I want to help.  I need to help.  We are lucky in many ways compared to many others around us - that we still HAVE our house - you know?  People are claiming bankruptcy left and right - houses are going up for sale - foreclosures - it's so very scary.  :/  I guess this is to say - if the opportunity arose (highly unlikely)  I'd move our butts to the city to be nearer to public transportation so I could work. 

It's a very simple solution - but a very complex one.

If we could sell this house, the sign would go up today, it's the right time to buy a house, that's for sure.  We could never get what we owe, so it's a null point.