Dumped my PCP.

The other day, after visiting the PCP's office for a quick visit for my sore throat which turns out is nothing, and being asked if I was on such and such medications none of which I even RECOGNIZED and all were listed on my file, I decided, it was time. 

I called the doctor's office and fired my primary care physician.  Remember - she was the one that sent me to a psychiatrist when I told her that I thought my brain might be exploding in some way?

IT WAS EXPLODING.  I told this woman I had an issue with my brain, in the CAR.  She sent me to a psychiatrist. (She suggested I was having psychological black outs of some kind, while driving.)

I told her the police got involved, because they thought I had medical involvement, and called my house WORRIED FOR MY WELL-BEING.

I self-diagnosed, a very long time ago. 

I should have been a doctor, well...

Here's the thing.  I was able to get a NEW physician in the same practice, the only one that is still accepting patients!  I was told that this doctor is great, because he is very business like, and takes longer with his patients.  I'll take it.  I prefer business-like.  I don't want to be coddled and "Oh, dear-ed."  I need to be told WHAT TO DO, in a BULLET POINT LIST. 

But, my "new patient physical?"  IS A YEAR FROM NOW.

The patient care representative said that, "Well, if you feel that might have an issue, we can get you an Urgent Appointment within the month."

I told her that I would find an issue.

"Please know that this Urgent Appointment will just be a quick 'Hello, how are you, what's the matter?' and send you on your way type of meeting, okay?"

Yep.  Anyway.  I have been a patient at this medical center since I was five years old.  My files are all there.  I could care less if I have to switch.  I have zero love for the place. 

I have had NO positive experiences there BESIDES midwifery, but in fact, mine left that practice too.  When she moved on, I saw other typical OB/GYN doctors there and up in Boston at Tufts and I was just all, YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?!  They both counseled me to HAVE AN ABORTION.

Me. What?   I like babies.  (Not mine, just a reasonable facsimile who happens to be on the top of my Flickr photostream.)

This leads me to think I am a bit more crunchy than your average patient. 

Sure, I know I need interventions because my body needs medicine because my red blood cells are too small, I have too few and I have no iron stores, my pancreas doesn't always work right and my brain just breaks randomly.

I guess this is to say I am open to finding a doc who is not likely to throw pills at me and send me to the psych if I tell them that my brain exploded because I have an underlying metabolic problem somewhere and can we please figure that out first before you call me crazy, kthanxbai!  Because?  We still don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but,

"You look good, you're maintaining a loss of more than half of your body weight, wow!"

:)

, originally uploaded by bethography - melting mama.

three evils?

three evils?, originally uploaded by bethography - melting mama.

Do the dew? No.

Do the dew? No., originally uploaded by bethography - melting mama.

photopost.

Things seen yesterday pre-concert, as we walked around before I "forgot" about my camera in my baby wipe box. 

More here in this set.

Vince Gill is not Eminem.

I'm not a music reviewer, so I don't really have much to say regarding concerts.  (I can, however tell you about protein bars and things like that.)  I just like music.  I am not very picky about genres.  And to tell you something very honestly?  I used to not even 'like' country music, (I know, right?)  Now, it's up there in my faves, right next to HARD CORE GANGSTA RAP.  /sarcasm

Although, I have to admit to you (and this is so not at all related, but I have had too much coffee) on the way to the concert last night, an old school Eminem song came on in the car.  Here I am, swapping from CAT-COUNTRY, 98.1, the big country station up here in Boston, to a Pop station, because on the Cape, nothing. comes. in, and I hear Emimem.  I KNEW EVERY FREAKING WORD OF THIS SONG. 

(Singing it right now.  Are you?)

Topic CHANGE!

Here's the thing - I do not like big crowds - unless everyone is having fun, but not the really pukey drunk kind of fun, I like the middle of the road type of fun.  I don't think I could handle an all-day Country-Fest, even if I thought I wanted to go.  I would probably die.  But, I could, take a couple hours of it, and two beers.  That's it.

Last night, even if I wanted to get up and BOOGIE to What The Cowgirls Do, I would have been slapped.  We were surrounded by half of the The Northeast's Nursing Home, and I Am Not Kidding About That, and I am trying hard not to joke.  I love me some white hairs, and I am fully aware of the fact that I am well on my own way to dementia, but... when did we get so, old?

*sigh*

I love Vince Gill.  I could listen to him tell stories, sing, and tell me how to cook mac and cheese.  It's all good.  And, even though I got in trouble (everybody did, including a woman near me that swore that she "WASN'T TAKING ANY PICTURES WITH A FLASH!!! while she held up a hugantic Nikon) for taking photos of him that I just posted to the interwebs, it was a fun take.  (And, he was in pain, the man is having surgery this week for a bum knee, he was struggling.)

PS.  The video will be up in a minute, it keeps timing out on YouTube.  Three times now.  Now, I am singing Eminem MASHED UP with VINCE GILL!  WOW.

Here is my photo video:

sup buds

DSC_0049, originally uploaded by bethography - melting mama.

Another night, another concert. More illegal photos are loading. Yes, what you saw yesterday, was totally not legal. But, last night was worse, I guess Mr. Vince Gill has doesn't like his photo taken. But, wow is he funny! What a personality, it totally made up for getting in trouble for trying.

:x

I have flower porn, from the Cape.

Chris Isaak at South Shore Music Circus

We saw Chris Isaak at The South Shore Music Circus last night.  What a fun dude he is. 

Watch my slideshow.

And, then, what I did this morning.

Hey who's that?  LOL?  After that, we got in line to get photos/sigs with Chris and there were No Photos!  Don't YOU TAKE NO PHOTOS. YOU THERE WITH THE CAMERA!  (They weren't talking to me.)  Heh.

Oh.

Opening for Chris Isaak and his band was James Hunter, who I did not get any photos of because he came on first and I was terrified of the camera security, but WOW, no, WOW. Try not to dance! No, I DARE YOU!

Not arrested.

, originally uploaded by bethography - melting mama.

I was not arrested for taking photos at the first of two concerts!

Evidence is in the side-bar at my Flickr account.

It's now 2am, I should go to sleep.

Low Levels of Brain Chemical May Lead to Obesity, NIH Study of Rare Disorder Shows

As I chew furiously on my DHA added fish oil chews, and take my anti-seizure medication, I give you this:

"A brain chemical that plays a role in long term memory also appears to be involved in regulating how much people eat and their likelihood of becoming obese, according to a National Institutes of Health study of a rare genetic condition."

http://www.nichd.nih.gov/news/releases/aug272008_BDNF.cfm

The full article is below.

Sappy Anniversary.

My parents got us tickets to see Vince Gill (and a bonus concert tonight, for Chris Isaak) for what we all thought was our ten-year wedding anniversary.  (I can't embed Vince Gill videos - they are blocked - so here.)

Mr. Isaak is here:

But, when I got my fingers out and counted, turns out, it's not, it's only nine years.  How do I know this?  We, being the "trashy" people we are?  We had two of our own out-of-wedlock babies at our wedding, aged four months and twenty-two months in August of 1999.

(I think C + T resemble each other.)

 

In fact, the only reason we got hitched then, was because that post baby number two out of wedlock guilt kicked in, and the grandmothers scraped cash together and paid for our wedding.  If they had not done so, we probably would still not be married, because we were going to "wait," until we could afford to you know, "do it all."  And, Mr. MM is very "bankerish,"you know," and doesn't spend money on things that are not tangible.  (Although part of me says, "why didn't we" because I could have gotten college paid for, but whatever.)

Our wedding.

• Date - 8-28-1999  I was 20, he was 21.  I was underage drinking at my wedding reception.
• Location - My childhood church followed by a reception at a local VFW.
• Ceremony - Minister of the church at that time, who now does mostly gay weddings in Provincetown, find him if you are in the area or in need of a non-traditional service, he is an amazing man.
• First dance - Still The One, Shania Twain.  Sort of a negative song, did not make much sense then.
• Food - Family cooked buffet and homemade cake. 
• Photography - Didn't have any.  Just family photos.
• Music - A DJ. 
• Honeymoon - Cruise on the Carnival Destiny - wherein Beth got Food Poisoning, and all sorts of drama unfolded, including an ambulance ride, plane ride and hospital.

The plan was, in my head, to re-do, or re-new at ten years with completely non-traditional ceremony (that means non-religious, on the beach, and party afterwards!)  I thought I missed the boat when I thought this was ten years this month.  I was off by a year, so I have a while.  If it's possible, the party is on for next August.  Otherwise, if we don't kill each other, I will aim for 15 years.

WLS Coaches Show + Dr. Colleen Kennedy + MM

http://www.Blogtalkradio.com/TheWLSCoaches/2008/08/28/Dr-Colleen-Kennedy-from-WLS-Surgical-Associates-1

Scary

This is what scares me right now about my brain.

Right before the kids got home,  I had a swooshy brain melt, or a complex partial seizure. 

These are the ones that I have "all the time."  The ones I have had coming on for a couple years, but never knew what they were.

I can't really tell what it was because I was alone and nobody was here to watch it.  Mr MM says I had them nearly daily (during his vacation in July when he was actively watching) before I started taking the second seizure medication, now they are less frequent, but he also doesn't see me 24/7.  He doesn't want me to quit the second drug, because he says it's nearly stopped these spells, but it's made me comatose, too, and I feel like I am still having them, read on.

Every time this happens, I find myself confused and looking for my glucose level, regardless of WHAT it turns out to be, my brain tells me I am hypoglycemic. 

I wasn't, I had eaten recently:  miso broth + a broccoli stuffed chicken breast, nothing to trigger a major drop in glucose, and it wasn't far enough into the reaction time to have the sugar crash either.

For a moment right before it happened, I thought to myself, "Did I forget to take my medicine?"   Oh no.

Because, I am forgetful, and my short-term memory is like a sponge.  It was crappy before the anti-convulsant drugs, now?  Forget it, I am lucky to remember my underwear.  I had to think back and remember what I drank to swallow the pills, because my throat hurt so much this morning, did I actually take the pills?  I did.  I drank Propel, it hurt a lot.

And, then, I forget the next few minutes, they are a blur.  Luckily, I don't seem to do much in my state of confusion, I usually only go for a glucose meter, sugar and sometimes food.  Sometimes, I find myself in a "safe place" when I come out of it, like a chair or bed or even the floor.  I guess my instinct takes over and I know to go to a place to have a real flop on the ground seizure. 

Going to Vagus. Nerve.

Vagus Nerve Information... and Ghrelin Gremlins...What?  Watch.  Especially the beginning, and the middle.  He even explains the pancreatic islets.

No, I don't have any interest in this particular doctor, it's just that's he has videos on YouTube, and explains things that I can understand.  Don't you wish ALL bariatric doctors would do this?

Just the way things go.

I send the kids off to school - and guess what?  I was sitting here waiting for 9am to call for a doctors' appointment.  Heh.  I am 'sick.'  I went, apparently, it's just something I have get over, but I cannot swallow.

The lab did a rapid strep test, because that is what I asked for, and it was negative.  Big surprise, right, because I enjoy begging for a ride and then paying for a co-pay and then I am "fine."

I only pushed to go because I have two concerts to go to in the next. two. days. and I want to feel somewhat okay to do so.  I figured if I needed antibiotics, I would get them in now.  (I already tried to refill my kids' drugs for myself, but they had no refill, because we know how I avoid GOING to the doctor.)  But, I'm not sick.  This is just something else, like, a tumor.  Maybe it's connected to the pain my freaking colon and the seizures in my freaking brain, and all of them will coincide and some point very soon!  Yes, I am somewhat sarcastic, but I don't feel very good.  I am sipping on some Miso Broth, and it huuuuuurts.  :P

Funny though, I could not stand sitting in the waiting room, so I sat outside since it was so gorgeous outside, and two different people asked me if I needed a ride.  That's, new.  "Thanks, but I'm all set."  I guess I don't look very sick.

Throw some freaking confetti, or a donut.

Weight - 151.

If you are wondering why the heck I am at all excited about a still overweight BMI?  It's lower than I have been in years, in fact, I only reached 147 (on one morning for one weigh in probably) 150 for about a day before I immediately rebounded one year post operatively.

"OMGZ What's yer secret?"

Um.  You may have noticed I stopped writing my food down, maybe that is the secret, although it goes against EVERY. RULE. THAT. HAS. EVER. BEEN. WRITTEN.  Sure, I 'check in' once in a while, but it's never fully complete, and it's sort of obsessive writing down every bite, it makes me feel a bit nuts, and I don't like doing it.

reality.

Mr. MM is home, he says the interview went well.  I just don't know, because every interview for him goes terrific, and then goes nowhere, but he says this one felt different. 

Maybe, it was the pinky ring.  (I kid.  A little.)  Though I do have big reservations, because, it's many miles away, and I can't imagine how it would even be possible, but whatever, cart/horse.

(Just so you know, because I think I mislead, he doesn't "need" a job.  He has one.  He's been with the same company for seven years.  He's ready to move up, and that's what he is trying to do.)

Moving up would mean less stress on me having to try to find work when I cannot drive, the considerations of health issues and compounding of daycare expenses.  The ultimate plan here is?  For Bob to move on up in his job, and for Beth?  To Be Her Own Boss, somehow.  Because?  If I can't go to work?  Work must come to me.

SCHOOL STARTS IN A FEW HOURS.  WOO-HOO.

The baby is going to be very bored without her kids, I must admit, she has gotten used to her kids being around at least part of the time, but maybe this will force me to start walking again, in fact I know it will.  No excuses besides the fact that I am half-dead and asleep, I can roll down the street.

I don't want to start counting down or anything but I am itching to, I can drive again in November if I don't have another seizure.  Last time I started itching, I bought a car.  The next morning, I had a seizure.

My boy missed his football practice today because his ride forgot about him.  He sat on the front steps waiting a half hour past practice time, but had he gone, he would have had to run laps for being late. 

This is getting really, really old. 

Hospital Abandons The Use of Lap Band.

  But, I had already been talked out of a Lap Band when I was doing my research.  I was told that I would fail.

Here is the actual study.

A team of Swiss doctors investigated the outcome of laparoscopic gastric banding for obesity (presented at the 24th Annual Meeting of the American Society for Bariatric Surgery, June 2007.)

In 1996 they chose the "Band" as surgery for all morbidly obese, by 5 yrs 39% had poor outcomes and their data predict that by 10 yrs all bands will have a poor outcome.

The hospital has "Abandoned the Band."

Accordingly "The "survival" of bands seems poor. Therefore, at our institution, we have abandoned the Band for obesity"

Premier Nutrition Twisted Bars

I ate two of these already, the Peanut Butter kind, which is what I found at The Wal*Marts.  (NOT ALL AT ONCE, over the course of a day.)

I have not seen the vanilla variety in a store yet.  I will order one for review porpoises from Netrtion or Bodybuilding, since they're sorta nummy.

"There's a whole lot to love about Premier Nutrition's new Twisted Bars! In addition to combining four delicious ingredients that include pretzel, caramel, peanuts, and nougat, covered in a creamy chocolate vanilla or peanut butter coating; the Twisted Bar is packed with 15 grams of protein! All the flavor of a salty sweet snack plus the protein you need to keep you going throughout the day! It doesn't get much better than that! Now available in Chocolate, Vanilla and Peanut Butter"

This bar fulfills two things at once - the sweet and salty cravings.  This is good and bad, because, I sort of liked it, and it's not really good for me, with a roux en Y and reactive hypoglycemia, but...

The bar is a high enough protein content, with 15 grams in 46 gram size bar, but contains 13 grams of SUGAR.  I would think of this as a Protein Candy Bar.  Because, it is.  Pretzel,             caramel, peanuts, and nougat, covered in a creamy peanut butter             coating.

What I have noticed about the Premier Nutrition products - they all taste pretty darn good - the most candy-like so far I would venture to say.

Box Of 6 $14.99 $7.99

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Serving Size:	1 bar (46g)
Servings Per Container:		6
Amount per Serving
Calories Total	190
from Fat	50
		% Daily Value+
Total Fat	6 g	9%
Saturated Fat	4.5 g	23%
Cholesterol	5 mg	1%
Sodium	150 mg	6%
Potassium	80 mg	2%
Total Carbohydrate	21 g	7%
Dietary fiber	<1 g	3%
Sugars	13 g
Protein	15 g	30%
		% Daily Value
Vitamin A	IU	0%
Vitamin C	mg	0%
Calcium	mg	6%
Iron	mg	6%
Phosphorus	mg	8%

Protein Blend (Whey Protein Isolate, Soy Protein Isolate, Milk Protein Isolate, Hydrolyzed Whey Protein, Whey Protein Concentrate, Calcium Carbonate), Hydrolyzed Gelatin, Sugar, Cocoa Powder, Vegetable Glycerine, Condensed Milk (milk sugar), Corn Syrup, Pretzels [Enriched Wheat Flour (flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Salt, Malt, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Yeast, Sodium Bicarbonate], Water, Peanuts, Peanut Flour, Invert Sugar, Coconut Oil, Salt, lecithin (an emulsifier), Vanilla

• Product - Premier Nutrition's Twisted Bar - Peanut Butter
• Price - $7.99/case at the link above, I paid $1.75+? at The Wal*Marts
• Pros- Tastes Super Naughty, Carb-o-liciousness, Kids love them, Baby Daddies Love Them, Cheap Find, Cheap Protein Source, Sweet and Salty Craving Fix.
• Cons - 13 grams of SUUUUUUUGAR!  Not a low carb food by any stretch.  A protein "cookie," basically.
• Rating - For RNY'ers?  Eh.  Not so much.  Non-pouchworthy, even if tasty and protein filled.  For others?  G'head.  But, keep in mind- there is a huge calorie punch in a small bar here, kids.  But they are super yummy.  So?
   

Premier Nutrition Twisted Bars, Box Of 6, Peanut Butter Delicious Ingredients Including Pretzel, Caramel, Peanuts And Nougat!

Isabeau Miller lashes back.

Isabeau Miller was on The Biggest Loser, having lost feom 306 lbs to 185 she has had some real-life struggles and regained a lot of weight, that she has already lost much of in that video.   Once again, proving we're all very much human, and the weight loss 'support' community is very harsh.

She posted this on her MySpace page in rebuttal to her hate mail:

"Sometimes you just have to laugh... You know what amazes me about this weight loss community that I found inadvertently through my appearance on Biggest Loser? When you're perfect, they are the most SUPPORTIVE people in the world, and the second you gain back a lb, it turns into a war of words.


I get emails on a weekly basis wanting to know if I've gained back weight. The majority of them, I dont even merit with a response, because, yes, I was on a weight-loss platform for a while, but now, and for the past year, I am a REAL person, and am planning on being that REAL person for the rest of my life.

So you wanted it, myspace- here you go. Before I left for the show, I was 306 lbs (despite my 298 lb starting weight). To this day I have maintained a true weight loss of 93 lbs, which I consider to be pretty damn good, considering the mess my metabolism was from going through a really intense experience. After the show, my body was in complete disarray because of what we all had to do to it and my guess would be if you asked ANY of the BL-ers if they weighed more even the day AFTER the finale, the answer would be yes.

Of course, coming home was a whole nother challenge because we WANTED to eat everything we had been deprived of and for the most part, I did, and I paid for it. I gained back a lot of weight quickly, and for the past 3 months, have worked my way back down to that 93 lb loss I'm talking about.

I made a vow to myself after the finale to not read the negative comments, and to focus on the positive, but sometimes they find YOU which I find even more depressing- that someone would go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself.

I find that more sad than anything, but what makes me mad is when people question my ability to train people because of my gaining back some of my weight. I had people questioning whether I should have become a trainer even at the finale. Well, since then in the past year I have trained over 40 people in 20 different states through my online program, fitcamps, and personal training sessions. I consider myself a GREAT trainer because not only have I been through it, but I continue to go through it. I've told my current fitcampers, EVERYDAY is still a struggle. Right now, I'm on a gluten-free kick, trying to see how flour or the lack thereof might affect my ability to lose weight. But the point is, I have not had one client that has left one of my sessions feel unaccomplished, unsuccessful or as if "I don't know what I'm doing".

I know lots of you in the weight loss community tend to chitchat amongst each other, so I think it's time for all of us to spread the word- Negativity is not acceptable. We ALL struggle, and ALWAYS will. I am a food addict, and probably will be until the day I die. But I'm dealing with it. AND I'm helping other people deal with it, and I think THAT was the point of me being on Biggest Loser- not becoming a stick thin, almost unhealthy version of myself so I could be sexier, more perfect, etc- but becoming an informed, healthy, and hopefully inspiring role model not because of what MY number on the scale reads, but because of what I'm trying to do in helping others."