A very merry re-birthday to me, to me. Where are the presents?

I woke up this morning to an email from Obesity Help that screams, in BRIGHT RED CAPITAL LETTERS:

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY !!   HAPPY ANNIVERSARY !!   HAPPY ANNIVERSARY !!

Uh, what?  Oh yeah.  I had my gastric bypass five years ago, today yesterday.  Oops.

I forgot until I saw the email.  I've been saying "I'm five years post op" for a while, because four point something months sounded stupid.

The dirty details: 

• Highest weight was 320. 
• Date of surgery weight was 298. 
• Lowest post-op weight was 150 lbs.
• Highest regain thus far (Yes, I must share it because it happened.) 210 lbs at nine months pregnant.  I was 171-175 lbs at the first pre-natal visit.
• Lowest post-natal weight 150 lbs.
• Current weight in the 160's.  This is a regain.  I'm hovering in the same range, but up a lot in the last six weeks.  This is war.
• Goal - Abuckthirty.

In the course of what is average, I am pretty damn near average.  According to one study, average re-gain for the morbidly obese is 8.8%, for me 162 lbs, for the super-morbidly obese, it's 18.8% or more, for me:  176 lbs.  I have been in that range for the majority of the last four years.  I spend time in the 150's - when dieting.

The goal set by the doc originally was about 175 lbs.  My goal was to hit the upper end of a normal BMI for my height.  It has been elusive, I think I've hit it twice and immediately bounced back over it.  I still aim, very distractedly, to hit my "goal."

We're still not where we're going, but we're not where we were.  ~Natash Jasefowitz

This is the point where post-ops list ALL of the co-morbid conditions they have overcome by having weight loss surgery in the first place.  They say, "I no longer have _____, and ______, and my ______ is resolved!  I luuuurve my RNY!" 

I am different. 

I did not have any co-morbid conditions, at least nothing beyond what it took to get the insurance approval.  Maybe a little reflux?  I went through the whole pre-op process, took the classes, testing, etc.  But I seriously did not have any issues to resolve.  I just NEEDED to lose the excess weight.  I did.  One year, done.

Losing weight now requires dieting like a normal person.  I know that lots of post-ops don't like to call it dieting, it's a "totally new lifestyle!"  But, even with this lifestyle?  Sometimes you find yourself up a couple pounds and need to scale back, which is: dieting. 

You become more 'normal' the longer it's been since your surgery.  These days if I did not live with another RNY'er, have two more in the immediate family, write about it online... I probably would not think much of it.  I would probably have regained a lot more, too.  (Just because I can't imagine living/dealing with my spouse if he DIDN'T have surgery also - it would be HELLISH.  He's hard enough with no belly.  Sorry, dude.  You know it.)

The journey has really BEEN all about the actual weight loss, and the avoidance of obesity related conditions that I would have surely developed.  Had I remained 300+ lbs, I would have developed problems at some point.  I was young, I did not have years and years of morbid obesity behind me to worry about. 

To be perfectly honest:  the only part of my obesity that remains (besides the weight I still have on, and the excess skin...) are some HORRENDOUS varicose veins, and some bizarre hormone issues. 

I have the sexy legs of a 75 year old woman.  You know you love it.

I am thankful that I never had other conditions to concern myself with.  No 'betes, no cholesterol, no high blood pressure, nada.

I lost most of the weight somewhat uneventfully, and that's it.  Easy as uhh, sugar-free pie.  If the story ended there - it was hugely successful, amazing and HOORAY!  I am indeed grateful that I lost the weight.

It's been a wild ride, and it's far, far from over.

The point of life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, with a well preserved body, but to rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, "Holy shit, what a ride"

Disclaimer:  This is my experience, results not typical.  I don't know what typical is.  If you are going to use this post negatively or against me, g'head.  This is MY reality.  I know there are a huge number of people out there who can relate to some or all of this, hence the reason I am still here.

What did I deal with early post op? 

Some dehydration, a kidney stone... nothing big.  I had two ER visits in the first few months.  Nothing big.  Recovery was easier (and harder) than I expected.

Things got tricky after a year post-op.  I got pregnant, and I blame this plus the RNY for a sort of perfect combination of body suckage that caused me some issues.  I developed severe anemia, reactive hypoglycemia and had some neurological symptoms. 

I was treated for the anemia, but the neurological symptoms were not taken seriously.  (What?) Long story very short (it's all here in the blog) I felt something was wrong.  I was feeling cognitively screwed up, and having weird "swooshes."  I tried to blame anemia and hypoglycemia, both could potentially mess up my head, but... the doctors instead sent me for PSYCH testing.  Instead of figuring out what might be wrong, I was diagnosed with cognitive disorder and anxiety.  Great. If I wasn't anxious before, I amnowJeezus!

However, I had a 'swoosh' ON THE WAY TO THE TESTING, while driving, causing a serious safety issue, and appearing drunk behind the wheel. 

I pleaded for a doctor to test me.  "Nothing wrong."  I was diagnosed with disorders and migraines with no headache.  MIGRAINES?!  I have no pain, doctor!  "Yeah, well they can come with no pain."  Um.  Fine.

Several months later, after continued 'swooshes' with no diagnosis:  I had a grand mal seizure.  Since then, of course, I've had five or six, and many 'swooshes' which are likely complex partial seizures.  (Yet, the doctors called it The Crazy.) 

To this day, I have NO idea why I have seizures or cognitive issues or if they are at all related to my altered anatomy.  Subsequently this is why I am seeking peers.  I have found fifty people so far that have seizures post weight loss surgery.  We are all seeking answers.

• If I knew the trigger/reason/explanation, I could maybe treat it differently.  At the current date I have been seizure-free on medication for about a month.  Yay?
• The anemia is continual, with treatment, hematologists have said that many of their gastric bypassed patients need care for 'life.'  I knew anemia was a possibility before I had surgery. 
• I had never heard of reactive hypoglycemia, I had no idea it was a side effect of gastric bypass.  I think pre-ops are NOW warned.  The reactive hypoglycemia is continual, treated with dietary adjustments.  Sometimes it hits out of nowhere, and I am prepared for that.  I use a meter, glucose tabs and I have an Glucagon injection kit for a low sugar emergency. 
• I also have a strange heart rate issue - my heart RACES when I go from laying down/sitting to standing moving around.  I have been told by one nurse that it is not "postural hypotension" because my blood pressure does not drop enough.  Another said it's "postural tachycardia."  It could also cause seizures in extreme cases, which is why I have recently been concerned with my heart-rate.  (It postural hypotension itself is listed as a possible side effect of gastric bypass.)  When I asked the PCP about it, she said it's an "untrained heart."  Mmkay.

As for the normal side effects of gastric bypass that I have/still have? 

• I still have a functional pouch, while I can eat much, much more than the first year or two post op, I am still limited.  The food just passes very quickly through the pouch.  I can, in theory, eat every hour.  If my blood sugar is rollercoasting, my body TRIES to.
• I have dumping syndrome.  It's typically in reaction to food I shouldn't eat ANYWAY, so it works to defer me from eating crap.  Sometimes it happens after food that you would think is "safe."   I only have the heart-thumping, sweaty, nausea dumps with subsequent tiredness.  I don't throw up or have bowel issues.  In fact, I can count on one hand the number of vomits since surgery.  It's impossible.  I can't get anything out.
• I cannot eat a few foods, but I keep trying.  It's way easier now though than early on.  Some foods that I have linked to sickness (or later pain and distress in the intestines!!)  eggs, raw carrots, raw onions, raw broccoli, raw cabbage, chewy red meat, overcooked pork, avocado... some are weird.  I try again and again.
• I have lots of excess skin.  The worst part of my body is my upper arms.  I have bigger arms than I expected.  Everywhere else can be hidden, but my arms?  GAH.  I won't wear short sleeves.  They fold.  Ick.  Plastic surgery is a possiblity, but I have only seen bad results, I've sort of lost my urge.

• Vitamin issues:

"Most of the patients undergoing malabsorptive procedures will develop some nutritional deficiency, justifying mineral and multivitamin supplementation to all postoperatively. Nutrient deficiency is proportional to the length of absorptive area and to the percentage of weight loss. Low levels of iron, vitamin B12, vitamin D and calcium are predominant after Roux-en-Y gastric bypass. Protein and fat-soluble vitamin deficiencies are mainly detected after biliopancreatic diversion. Thiamine deficiency is common in patients with frequent vomiting."

• I am anemic (I take IV iron, as oral prophylactics did not absorb.)
• I have had B12 deficiency (Not now, I am back in the range.)
• I have Vitamin D deficiency (I take supplements for this.)
• I suspect I had a thiamine deficiency at some point, but it was not tested/caught. 

Overall, some normal issues, some wacky "it's just me" issues, but!! I have basically succeeded in the weight loss department at five years post op.  I have had it stuck in my head, that if I could just reach five years without a big regain, I had MADE it.  I MADE IT.  I AM ALIVE.  I AM HERE.  YOU CAN'T STOP ME.  NEENER.  ;)

Writing this blog has helped immensely, keeping me from straying far from the herd.  ;)  I thank each + every one of you out there, the commenters and the quiet majority.  You have helped me more than you know.

In fact, it's now my 'job.'  I am now my own boss.  At five years out and a bunch of stumbling blocks, I own a small business.  Sure, it's super small now, but I am not only a client - I'm the president.  (Giggle. Seriously.)  I will introduce part of the business soon.

AND - I will get to goal.  Obstacles be damned.