Stepping back.

I need a goal.  Throwing everything else aside, I need a goal.  Not weight loss, not exercise, because those things are forever. 

I need a goal for what I am doing HERE, at this site, and overall.

A year and a half ago I decided that I would make mm.net a 'job.'  Why?  Because I found myself spinning like a hamster in a wheel sidelined with a health condition that kept me at home.  I'm still at home, on a countdown to driving very soon (knock on wood, swing a chicken, pray to the goddesses, I don't care - do it) and I need something to work towards. 

My goal was to increase my contributions to the family income, from home, because I cannot work in a typical sense.  How amazing to be able to do this, while doing something I enjoy!  I have, and I am grateful, and it's been more help than you could ever know.  Six people, dog and cat on one income, it's NOT okay.  Mama HAS to contribute.

In this same time, I have realized that once you start taking on opportunities like I have, you quickly get screwed. Seriously, you have NO idea how many screws I have gotten (those are old), and I mean that in the non-literal sense. 

You would think it's all very simple, and that people would follow through, but promises mean nothing.  I am not pointing a finger right now but I can see how this is a cycle. 

Again, I am not pointing fingers.  I have had GREAT experiences with many companies.  (I know that a few of them will read this, and they've been great to me.  Thank you.)

Company A wants this, promises you that, you follow through, sometimes immediately, and then they're nowhere to be found, or they reply that they can't follow through, but you did a GREAT JOB, kthanxbai!  OR - they're out there - but not following through at all, just stringing you along with promises.

Then, there's every email I get:

"Hi there!  I just read your post about __________, and I think that's great!  Would you be willing to share our line of <insert random product here> with your readers?  We think that they will really appreciate it!  For your participation, we'll send YOU a ONE OF A KIND dishrag, and ONE FOR YOUR READERS!  Imagine that!  Post NOW!"

Don't forget when I've been asked to change the way I do things. 

"You might want to consider saying it 'this way' - you know - you don't want to offend anyone."

"Don't use those words."

"Could you send us your post before you post it, we'd like a chance to read it and edit it before it goes live."

You might think those requests might come for PAID work, they don't.  They are from folks who might ask me for a favor.

I am an idiot.

Case in point, the popcorn guy.  He signed up for an ad.  I liked his product, tried it first, and we agreed on an ad for such and such a month.  He never, ever paid. 

"I can't afford it, sorry, can I pay you in popcorn?"

Do you have any idea how much business I sent him?  And, it's so little money, that legally, I have nothing.

He was not the first or the last, or even the one in between.  I still get links in from companies that screwed me.

I guess this is to say I have to look out for myself a lot better if I am going to be my own little entity.  I am a single person, and it's easy to take advantage of the silly little blogger. 

I need much more.  I need a goal.  I am going to succeed, regardless of how many popcorn salesmen there are in my way.  Just, how?  What's next?