Someone is trying to tell me something.

I swear, the universe is telling me something. Like, give up on trying to shop! Who needs it? 

I left with one kidwhodoesntbelieve today to Santa Shop, because, I hadn't done it yet.  (For the eye-roller, give me a break, I had no money, those damn bills, they happen.  KTHANX?)  

I do not like driving at all as it is, considering my history behind the wheel:  "blacking out," very low blood sugar and actually crashing my truck from ice when I was of perfectly sound mind.  Driving the day after a blizzard (not where I live, but close) Wicked Fun For MM.  

 
 I decided to go slower than your 85 year old grandma, and sat like her also, face to the steering wheel.  We GOT to the stores, in one piece, only spinning wheels once, on my own street.

First stop, the bank.  I deposited a check a few days ago.  After my attempt at online shopping was foiled (which was going to save the day!) it was determined that my money was put in the wrong account!  A half-hour, I got my money, and we were on our way.

Target.  We are sucked in straight from the $1 spot and then some.  My child says, "OMG, I had no idea Target all of this!"  Apparently we are sub prime Target shoppers (hello Wal-Mart!) I didn't either.  The toy section -- even on December 20th -- was decent.  While I did not get what I was looking for, we got quite a few this and thats, and had to spend some Christmas dollars on "stupid, I don't want THAT for Christmas" things like snow boots for two of the four kids.  Did not find?  Snow pants.  There was one pair of size 18 month pants in the whole store.  Sledding fail.  Sorry kids.  We have three too small pairs here that I have had for several years, I told the kids to wear them till the zippers fall off.

I forgot to mention -- I saw a little kid butt that I recognized -- she Really Wanted toys, and I think she was with her Auntie- who said - "that's Santa's job."  Good save.  When they passed me, she stopped short and sideways to say "hi."  HI MISS OLIVIA!  :)  That's twice we've met in or at Target.  LOL.  I also ran into Dad and fam, they had a written list, which is way more than I can say.

We did some serious damage however, and the child was asking for "lunch, because it's already 2pm, OMG!" I told him, a couple stops and then we can eat.  I hit one more small gift shop (OMG Paper Store you has such pretties!) and then on to Red Robin for lunch.  

I ordered this typically harmless dish:

  

I peeled the tortilla off of half of each piece, of six I ate half of three, and ate the guts with sour cream and the black beans.

And then I died.  BRB with more.

After we left the restaurant I felt immediate bubbles -- like a gas bubble trapped in the lower left quandrant of my gut.  It's always the same place for a bubble -- I figured I'd walk it out.  I drove over to Michael's parking lot, next to a huge snowbank and told the kid we'd wait out my bubble for a moment.  The bubble turned from uncomfortable to woozy dumping.  I sat for a moment, hoping we could just wait, because I have like, zero time left to shop.  Nope. I felt the bubble moooooove.  OH GOD.  OH NO.  OH NO.  I could not dare go into the store with the bubble on the way --- what if my bowels imploded?  Restrooms are hard to come by in stores like that -- and usually filthy -- and NOTHANKYOUIWILLHOLDIT.

I was praying to the toilet gods of mercy that the road was clearer than when we left.  When we left, there was no street to see, it was all snow, and I went approximately 9MPH.  The ride home, up to 20-30 MPH in places, while I sat at an awkward angle to kill the bubble pain.

I got home, left everything in the car, locked it up, came in and rolled into a ball on the stairs.  That didn't work.  The kids tell me to "try to go to the bathroom, that helps!"  Sure it does.

Death ensued.   And ensued.  And.  I went to bed and "tried to sleep," with no avail.  Back to potty, back to bed.  And here I sit, folded halfway over.  It's nearly passed.  3pm - 7pm, fun!  But, this has had to be the most intense sick I have had in forever.