I have the itch.

It's a good sign when I go outside and it's 26 degrees, and it feels like a heat-wave and I have the urge to go walking.  That is a sign!  If it goes over freezing - I WILL get my sorry ass out there and walk this week.  I will.  

I keep giving the treadmill a glance when I walk by it to do laundry, but I just don't use it.  Between my laziness for ACTUAL typical exercise, I can't stand using it.  I am bored in about two and a half minutes and dizzy in five, and looking for glucose in thirty minutes.  At least outside, I feel like I have less of a chance of falling flat on my face, falling into traffic seems more pleasant.

Excuses, I haz 'em.

I also have a copy of Dancing with the Stars: Dance Body Tone:

...which could be the first exercise DVD I have owned since my VHS copies of Richard Simmon's Sweatin' To The Oldies and a Susan Powter one. 

All I know is that I had better get my ass moving if I want to continue blogging as post WLS "success" -- nobody wants to watch a train wreck. Or maybe they do. :x

I'm a sinner.

We went to the mall today.  The Lindt Chocolate store was gone.  I didn't look hard enough to see if it had simply moved, but I had a mini-celebration.  "Woot!  No truffles!  No truffles!"  I have a serious heart on for dark chocolate and dark chocolate truffles are my THING.  I don't buy them, they're not the SAME from the grocery store, I liked 'em FROM THE LINDT STORE.  But it's gone.  So there.  Fck you creamy melty chocolate.

However. let's discuss the irony of me purchasing The Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery (because I need proof that my G-D blog is in it, even if it's just a reference, because it will help me realize WTF I bother doing this, mmkay?)  and AT the register, "Oh, there's Godiva Dark!"  Yeah. Three bars climbed into my bag.

But, I paid for it in another form of indiscretion today.  On the way out of the mall, I was hungry. The kids and Dad went to lunch at Friday's, and since each time I've been there I have left SICK?  Not my happy place. I went and got my nails did instead.  Fck you Fridays.

By the time I walked by "you wan free sample?"  Yes, please!  Tristan was all done with the mall, frankly she was awful all day, and I just wanted OUT.  I ate approximately four pieces of "chicken" and maybe two bites of "pad thai" (not all free sample, I bought a to-go box) and spent the car ride home rocking back and forth.  I threw away the entire box when I got home.  I still feel guilt about wasting money on food like that, but WHATEVER.  Fck you "free sample chicken."

But, on the positive side today:  I weighed myself.  It's down seven pounds from that place in which I SCREAMED.  Baby steps, and little bites of chocolate.  I will never, ever be perfect.

I think I am ready to be put in The Home.

 
I went out to pick up a few things. Pull-ups, hand soap, milk, etc.  (And to look at cheap-o microwaves, since mine is currently dead, and K-CUPS because my coffee machine is dead, and... I gave up.)

I also SPECIFICALLY went to pick up a new phone for the house.  Specifically.  Because, I am sure you can guess what happened to the last one, which was bought less than six months ago.  Out of how many handsets we have how many left?  Zero.  And, the single corded phone in the one place it can be plugged into the Verizon thingie --- is not a good place for a seven year old with a chat problem.  I figured why not? another cheap cordless, because it's going to get lost anyway.  (You tell me, I turned this house upside down, the handsets are g o n e, gone.)

What did I forget?  The phone.  Entirely.  Even on a list, POOF!  

Although - Tristan was beyond distracting, and "OH NO MY BELLY HURTS I HAVE TO GO POTTY RIGHT NOW WHERE IS THE POTTY?" and we made it.  Phew.

Getting out of the store alive was a goal, and we did it.  But, I couldn't find my car.  You have to understand the process in which I do things like... parking the car, now.  I cannot just Park The Car.

I always park either AS CLOSE as I can or AS FAR AWAY as I can so that I can easily find the car since it's RIGHT THERE or easily remember that "Oh yeah, I DID park 1/4 mile away so that it would jog my memory when we leave the store."  

Today?  It's 15 degrees outside.  I stepped out to find the car with a three year old and walked in circles. Truthfully, I am lucky I remember to leave out of the same door I came IN from, because that's even more fun, when I am on the wrong side of the lot.  I looked up, down, over, around, and finally played the "meep meep" game with my alarm keychain.  Found it!  I got into the car and realized I forgot to buy what I went IN THE STORE FOR.

The phone?  Just an example of life as I know it.  I spend all day long like this.  I get nothing accomplished without a list stapled to my FOREHEAD and velcro on my butt.

I swear to you -- trade me 150 pounds of excess fat -- I WANT MY BRAIN BACK.  This is ridiculous.  If I can't do simple things at 31, just put me in a home before I am 40.  For those of you who might think this is OMGDRAMAAAAATIC... it's been a problem.  My memory.  I went to a neuropsychologist to begin with way back in.... 2006?  I was diagnosed with a Cognitive Disorder of .... uh... memory.  It's worse now.  Much worse.  The seizures and seizure medicine came after -- and I think have effected me negatively.

PS.  It's not a simple case of CRS now, it's everything.  "Did I turn the water on/off?  Why is the door open?  Was I supposed to be somewhere?  How old is my husband?  What's the phone number?"  EVERYTHING.  My brain is like a pasta strainer.

Weight Watchers Ad

 

This ad just popped up on NPR where I was reading the news.  It's, um, interesting.  I feel discriminated against.  I want a Weight Watchers For Women.  I want a Pink Ad.

 
 How many points for Corona Light?  I was thinking liquid diet, yanno.

 
 
 

Fun Box!

I get a lot of spam messages in my email.  GMAIL catches nearly everything, but I still have the OCD tendency to empty the spam folder every day.  Sometimes, I read them.

Today!

"Hello my sweet kitty - do you completely forgot about my Russian p*ssy? Come to my site - I have there new photos as well as video from my home web camera - and you have a web camera now? I want to talk to you almost live -- and if possible meet."

Sharing Weight Loss Surgery with Other Fat People.

This post was triggered by a forum message I read this morning.  A woman who has recently had gastric bypass states that she's working with a morbidly obese woman who has very poor eating habits, and wants to tell the other woman about weight loss surgery.

^{Mr. MM at highest and "goal."}

I know I have thought about telling someone else in "real life" about weight loss surgery, even when they did not ask for my opinion.  I know it has passed through my wee brain.  I remember thinking of it CONSTANTLY back when I was fresh out of having my own surgery and losing weight insanely fast.  

"EVERYBODY HAVE A GOD DAMNED GASTRIC BYPASS!  IT WORKS!  IT WORKS!"

But, that was my internal voice.  I hope I never ACTUALLY said it out loud.  That said, I also am aware that when I was specifically asked, I would tell the honest truth, that I HAD SURGERY, and OF COURSE THAT IS WHY I AM NOW HALF MY SIZE.  Which means, it CAN work.  

And, just so it's out there, my mother in law just told me that she had gastric bypass because she saw our successes.  So, it's my fault, technically.  ;)  She's freaking tiny -- yes -- but not without a bajillion problems.

Now, at almost six years post surgery - if I am outright asked a question about weight loss surgery (that rarely happens, because I look like anybody else at this point, and nobody knows) and "should I have it?" I back everything up with a disclaimer, I am far from wanting to tell someone that if they have surgery -- they will become a pretty pretty princess and shit out rainbows.  

Because, according to my experience and the experiences of everyone I have watched, in person and virtually?  Vary dramatically -- and most are not without serious difficulties.  The initial feeling of "Nobody Need Be Fat No More!" 'slong gone.  

However, at TIMES, I do admit, that if something amazing happens, or something works ... I want to share it, and I am likely to.  What the hell does that mean?  

Say I have a revision procedure that:

A. Cures Whatever Ailment 

B. Gets You To Goal  

C.  Keeps You There.  

I'd SCREAM it from the rooftops.  OR at least I would FEEL like it.  I understand the urge. (Well, isn't THAT another disclaimer?)

The question to you is -- when confronted with a morbidly obese person -- either someone you're close to -- or not (Simply a woman in the mall?  At work?) do you FEEL the compulsion to tell them all about weight loss surgery?  

• Do you confront the person and tell them about your own experience?  
• Do you attempt to get into a discussion about WLS?
• Do you feel like you WANT to chat with them about WLS, but you hold back?
• Would you give someone a business card, brochure or other literature about WLS, just passively sharing information?

Typo FAIL.

I don't recall if I mentioned here on the blog, that I was changing my "business" (I use that loosely, because I still don't really understand what it is I am doing) from an:  LLCtoINC because apparently we should save money on taxes or someotherlegalblahblahblah?

I was using "Pouchworthy Bariatric."  I had to use another phrase when changing it with the State.  We went to an accountant, and his clerk transcribed all of the paperwork and submitted it yesterday for my New Venture, apparently:

 
 

A glimpse.

I have a faint recollection of a problem this morning.

This is my brain on normal, right now, I'm all there.

This is my brain on SWOOSH:

 
I POSTED THAT to a message board.  POSTED.  

Typically, I just SAY IT out loud and pace around the house during a brain lapse/low blood sugar/seizure (I don't know what it is.)  

I did not have low blood sugar, THAT is the EXACT swooshy broken brain thing my brain DOES every few days.  I have suggested at times that it's due to a rapid DROP in blood sugar, but I can't test it when I am typing or speaking nonsense!

Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?

M i c k e y  M o u s eeeeee.

Yeah, I watched it.

We (meaning Mr., many months ago) had tentatively scheduled a trip to the Mouse Metropolis for May 2010.  The plan was that the announcement would be part of the kids' Christmas gift this year, and family would contribute to their spending cash to go with.  

As bills have snowballed, I tried to cancel and push it out later.  The airline wasn't having that, and was going to charge Mr. $1000 total to swap our tickets out.  I assume it's because of six tickets times a fee each.  He got all sorts of pissy on the phone with the air line - but - "Sorry, sir."

We also picked a low cost hotel in Disney - and we have some freebie passes from family that they never used up.  

So, we kind of have to go.  (As silly as that seems.)  We haven't been on a family vacation in forever (we haven't taken the little one on ANY vacation, and she's 3.5!) and the last trip to Disney was in 2005.  Five years and zero vacation.  I can't remember the exact timing of this trip - but it was spring 2005 - and at that TIME we did not own a house. (We bought our last house in the fall of 2005 during the real estate boom.  If feels like a million years ago.)

This last photographed trip was a "Let's drive to Orlando with three kids" trip, much of it was funded via a grandma.  If you're not aware - we live in MA, and that's a 24 hour drive.  Stopping several times for pee, sleep, eat, pee?  Yeah, Wicked Fun, and I swore we would NEVER do it again.  (And, was that the time I got pulled over in VA for speeding in a construction zone?  Maybe.)

.  

These kids are now 12, 10 and 7.  Not shown, the child who was not around until late 2006.  ;)  It's been a LONG time since we've gone anywhere.  

I am not a fan of theme parks, and I loathe rides.  However, I may enjoy it more now that I can find a million things to photograph, instead of thinking about waiting in lines for half of my existence while there. That's something I haven't done before -- even with my many trips to the Magic Kingdom, I have very few photos.

So, twist my arm, we have to go to Disneyworld, broke or not.  

But, I hope to make part of it a "business" trip - - maybe meeting up with some WLS'ers or WLS product companies.  We're going to be there for more days than we'll have things to do.

Contact me if you're in the area - willing to meet up or willing to come and save me from the Tower Of Terror.  

Whole Foods Offering BIGGER DISCOUNTS To Skinnier Employees

Or, making chubby people pay more. 

 Whole Paycheck to offer their employees bigger discounts on product from their shops if they get "healthy," including reducing their BMI to >24 for the Best! Deal! On! More! Food!

Thinner employees deserve more savings on groceries than slightly fat ones.  If I worked for Whole Foods, I wouldn't get an increased discount because I am fat. 

Makes total sense, no?  <insert sarcasm here>

 
 

  

Now that I think of it --

A few weeks ago, I said, out LOUD, that I was working on my 'karma.'  

I bought a woman a winter coat, someone I never met before.  I have held doors open longer.  I have given things away.  I am trying to be more patient.

I also said I would stand up for myself more.  I would say "no."  I don't have to agree to things that aren't in my best interest.

And, I have.  A couple times.  

But, I think it backfired, and missing me, I think someone voo-doo'ed my HOUSE.

My appliances are trying to tell me something.

 

Like, Don't Cook, Don't Clean.

Another. dead. appliance.  Seriously?

That makes a fan, coffee maker, dishwasher, vacuum and microwave.

What would be AWESOME right about now?  A dead washing machine or dryer! (Again.)

G.E. LVM1750SMSS 1.7 Cu. Ft. Over-the-Range Microwave Oven

Building Blocks Protein Powder in Cupcake Batter

  

I'm having a grouchy pouch day.  (Have I mentioned how much I hate the use of that term?  I have a grouchy pouchy, wah wah.)  But, I am.  With that in mind, a creamy protein drink sounded quite appetizing this afternoon.

I tried Building Blocks new line of protein powder that they just sent me - Building Blocks Protein Powder [Cupcake Batter].

103 calories, zero sugar,1 carb, 25 grams of protein -- that's a super choice for any part of your WLS post op diet. 

 
 

The label suggests adding one scoop to 8 ounces of water or milk.  I went crazy and had two scoops in 16 ounces of cold water, in a Blender Bottle.  As usual, I like to try new protein powders in ONLY water, to get the real taste, no adding anything in the first taste test.

I shook the cup for a while, and took a sip.  I got a clump up my straw.  Normally, this would have sent me to the blender to whip the crap out of it, or to the sink to dump it out.  I didn't.  It was so sweet, I kind of enjoyed that little clump.  I know, eww, right?  

The flavor is "Cupcake Batter," so I guess I was "It's supposed to be batter. It's batter.  Batter is like this." 

 
 Then I shook the living daylights out of the bottle and?  It was perfectly smooth.  

The protein smelled like a sweet buttery vanilla.  It tastes just the same, and...

IT IS DELICIOUS IN WATER.  Alone.  NO DOCTORING IT UP.  In fact I drank the entire thing in minutes. That's some good protein powder, and considering it has very few ingredients, I am impressed that it tastes that good.  (Some of the proteins that I have adored have a laundry list of ingredients and non-hydrogenated creamers and this and that...)

More, please.

• Product - Building Blocks Protein Powder in Cupcake Batter
• Via - Building Blocks 
• Price - $35.99 for 32 servings
• Pros -  Cupcake-y, sweeeeet, creamy, smooth, 25 grams of protein, zero sugar, very low carb.
• Cons - Clump up my straw.  Exerting more calories in shaking.  ;)
• Rating - Pouchworthy, ^MM.

 

For the burny pouched kids out there.

1. How was your ulcer diagnosed?
2. What were your symptoms?
3. Was the discomfort intermittent?
4. What is your treatment?
5. What are your dietary restrictions?

Just askin'.  Because, I have had intermittent bouts of feeling like something is "stuck," followed by burning discomfort.  Last night after I ate two slices of low carb toast and took my pill, I thought for sure I needed a plunger dipped in Pepto.  I still have the burn, but it comes and goes.  I know I have posted about this before (bad me) but like I said, it goes!

Dishpan Hands

 
So I have dishpan hands.  I am willing to bet it's not from hand-washing dishes, because I have only done that once or twice this week when my dishwasher was constipated.  I think it's just The Winter and my clean-counter OCD kicking in.  I've gone through a bottle of lotion and my hands are just dry, and wrinklier than an old man's ass.  I slept with a gallon of creme rubbed into my hands with socks over them the other night, and apparently ripped them off while sleeping because I found them on the floor.

My daughter noticed too that if you press on my finger tips, the skin stays indented.  Um, eww.  I am currently working on a quart bottle of 'smartwater' hoping for smarts and skin elasticity back.  It's starting to get bad enough for me to don the Pink Latex Gloves that I bought weeks ago because I felt this coming on.

Ewwyuck.  My lips are also feeling it, and my face, if I use anti-acne face wash, feels as tight as Octomom's plastic surgery.  

I might go jump in a vat of lard today if this keeps up.  Bacon, anyone? 
 

Mr. Coffee 4-Cup Steam Espresso Maker! Great, if you like piss water and burns!

 

After an unsuccessful attempt at contacting my espresso machine's maker -- the emails keep bouncing back -- I got desperate.  We are four highway exits from a Starbucks, and I am So. Very. Spoiled. by my machine -- and I am an addict.  While in Target today getting household schtuff, I bought the cheapest espresso machine they had.

You get what you pay for.  Opening the box, I realized  "Shit, this is totally manual."  :x  I worked in an espresso shop.  I know how to do it.  But this seems so flimsy.  I go to make a "shot" which translates to four ounces, and there's no tamper to smoosh the espresso down with, so I make do.  I turn the machine on - and it makes four ounces of piss brown water, almost like diluted regular coffee from a drip maker.

Attempting to make froth?  That's funny.  You have to add more water to the steaming-hot machine without burning yourself, and froth the milk with a too-short wand on the side of the machine.  It never got to the right temperature or texture, it was thin and bubbly, not frothy at all.

(Mr. triggered a memory -- we owned one of these years ago -- and the freaking thing exploded.  :x  Now, I recall this.)

Taste?  GAH.  I guess it might depend on your coffee, but, EWW.  This was worse than even a Dunkin' Donuts "Cappuccino" made badly.  :x  I added some CLICK to it and beat the hell out of it to drink it.  That was better.

Beautiful.

Unless you're living in a cave, you must have seen the "Hope For Haiti" Telethon last night. Wow. But, Madonna? I just wanted to hear the choir. You skeered me.

It's here!

Pro Joe is HERE!  Review to follow!

Building Blocks Vitamin B-12 Spray - Better in your mouth than in your arse!

Well, it IS! Isn't it? I have had my share of B12 injections, but I prefer to take a supplement than a shot.  Just saying.  I got this spray-able Vitamin B12 from Building Blocks today - and I was zoomed back to the days of squirting "BIANCA" breath spray in junior high.  Except, it's not at all for that reason, but I guess it's a plus that it smells good.

Weight loss surgery patients need B12 - and gastric bypassed patients typically require a supplement, as we do not have the intrinsic factor in our new anatomy to process the good stuff. Recommendation here.

 

BBVitamins says -

Building Blocks Vitamin B-12 Spray is a patented, fine-mist sublingual spray that delivers 200 mcg per spray. Building Blocks Vitamin B-12 Spray is formulated using an innovative, patented Nanoceutical Delivery SystemTM (NDS). This NDS delivery system dramatically reduces the partial size of the vitamin molecules into NanodropletsTM, therefore helping to increase absorption. Its sublingual, fine-mist spray formula is designed to deliver 1,200 mcg of Vitamin B-12(daily dosage is 6 sprays). Each bottle contains a 30-day supply.

After peeling off a safety tab, you twist top and, well, SPRAY!   The daily dosage is six sprays, or twice a day at three squirts, under the tongue for best absorption.  The flavor is a light spearmint, like Trident Spearmint Gum, not too strong and dissapates very quickly.  You "hold" it in your mouth for 20 seconds and then you can go ahead and swallow if you need to.  But, honestly, I waited the twenty seconds and couldn't tell it was ever in my mouth.

   
 
 

Win.

• Product - Building Blocks Vitamin B-12 Spray
• Via - Building Blocks Bariatric Supplements
• Price - $15 per month's supply
  
• Pros - De ja vu to Jr.High School and fresh breath, not having a needle in your arse or arm, tastes good, not overwhelming to your mouth.
  
• Cons - De ja vu to Jr. High School
  
• Rating - Pouchworthy, ^MM
• For freebie vitamin samples - but not the B12, because it's not sample-able, CLICK HERE.
• To stay in touch with BBV for product releases, other giveaways, events, discount codes please visit us online at Facebook and/or Twitter.

Crankypants.

You've been warned.  The little things, they add up, and make MM a cranky girl.  

• My crack dispenser is dying, it requires service, I've emailed customer care to see if there are any places I can bring it to before I cry.  
• My vacuum needs love, too.  
• I have a broken windshield wiper, which I haven't replaced, but I have a new one waiting!  
• We have a $1200 oil bill.  
• And, I suspect there is another hole-y water pipe in the house, there's a drip.
• The mortgage is late due today.  

We've never been late on a mortgage payment.  I just want to get ahead at some point.  This gets draining. And, if Mr. ever lost his job, I would have to send him out hooking.  "Beth, get a job."  That wouldn't help right now. I won't be able to match the income from the internet if I went to work, but it would sort of guarantee GETTING paid on time, wouldn't it?