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September 2010 posts


I refuse to SHUT UP.

"Please please please continue to research this and post on it... it is so important...I have not had my surgery yet but have battled weight problems my whole life...you think being molested and raped between the ages of 4 to 16 have anything to do with that?? Think maybe my mother rejecting me, and making me feel like a failiure most of my life might have anything to do with that? Will loosing 200 pounds actually address those issues? Or is it just going to take away my method for coping for the last 49 years? Is it just going to strip away my safety blanket? Having tried and failed every diet out there and a few I made up myself, I knew going into this that I was going to have to address my issues and find out what I was "hiding" from, or I would just set myself up for failure again... and this one cost way to much money and time and effort, and I have had to fight way to hard just to get approval, but more I  actually quit smoking for this...I decided that I was not going to fail this time. So since I started this journey I have been seeing a great therapist who has really helped me to become aware of these issues and to start to address them.... I think therapy should be a requirement for bariatric surgery, but that is just my opinion.

By the way.. Thank you for all that you do...I am 11 days away from surgery and reading your blogs and your post on other sites helped me to make an informed decision. There is never anything called 'too much information" ... the issues start when someone has to little information. 

And if you can scare a newbie away by providing honest information, then they need to be scared away...they are just not ready...

Bariatric surgery is not something to go into lightly, and anyone considering it should gather as much information as they can from as many sources as they can before they make such an important decision.

My journey is not yours, I may or may not experience some of what you have, but if I do I am very glad that I am aware of what could happen and won't be blind sided in the future...

Thank you again"

Story of my life. Missing the bus. LOL.


Either we missed it, it came early, or not at all, but my 3rd grader had no bus to school today.  That means, we walked to school.  She got in a half-hour late, but she got there.  I wouldn't mind doing it every day, but where is FALL?  You know I am not a fan of sweat.  Walking in to drop a child off at school sporting a sweaty shirt (not sweat-shirt) is not that pleasant.

And, the school secretary says to the other, "This is Mrs. MM, she doesn'tdrive for MEDICAL REASONS" in a hushed tone, because she's got Mr. MM on the phone asking where the BUS was.

Tonight is open house at the middle school, and I've all but threatened Mr. to GET some time off to get ONE of us there, so we don't have a middle school child anarchy this afternoon. 

"But, you HAVE to GO!" 

Either he goes or I go, but if I go, he has to drive, and babysit, which means, he goes. 

And, this is how EVERY single thing goes! 

  • Kid misses bus, Dad is already 1/2 hour away from the house -- he can't get her there -- we walk.
  • Middle schooler misses bus?  They miss school.  Guess how fast they figure out HOW TO GET A DAY OFF?  Riiiiiight.
  • Mom needs to get to an appointment?  No, she just doesn't make one, because she can't get there.  Dentist/doctor... for myself or five others?  Sure, in six months, on a Monday, morning, for a half-hour.  Wait, no, how three months, on a Saturday?  Wait, no... I'm going to have to cancel.  Forget it.  See?   

Shutting up now.  The tyrant who is no longer in preschool DEMANDS, things.

It's always too complicated.  I just need a WIFE.

Emotional Obstacles after Weight Loss Surgery

With the discussion of post WLS suicide, I've been looking at information abot the psychological care of WLS patient -

From Bariatric Times -

Discussion continues at conferences regarding the question, “What is success?” following bariatric surgery. The obvious answer would involve sufficient weight loss or improvement or resolution of serious comorbid conditions.

However, even if there is initial progress in these areas, the patient and surgeon may not recognize underlying psychological issues or emotional obstacles that may impede continued postoperative success.

The patient who initially loses the weight only to then later regain may not seek any professional help until it is too late or until the challenge for reversal becomes a daunting one.

Such underlying psychological issues or emotional obstacles may include the following:

• “Normal” depression with loss of the “familiar” body
• “Normal” depression and adjustments with a change in relationships
* As a result of jealousy from coworkers
* As a result of unsettling reactions from friends or family who cannot adjust to the new body or lifestyle of their loved one
* As a result of reactions by the spouse or partner due to feelings of jealousy or insecurity, particularly if the spouse is obese or has never known the patient at a lesser weight
• Anxiety as a result of increased attention from others
* Particularly from the opposite sex
* Especially if there is a history of sexual abuse
• Eating challenges related to “mind hunger” or loss of “comfort” eating.

But, beyond the "normal," what then?  What do you do? What if your obstacles are much bigger?  How do you AVOID desperation?  I think I'll be posting a lot about these topics, partly because I see a huge need, and because I was just asked to sweep it under the rug, for fear of "scaring a newbie." 

These things MUST be discussed, and although I might have laughed it off seven years ago, I get it now. 

Another day, another love fest.

‎"But, it's not your job to scare the hell out of them with minute rareties of suicide, and RH, and seizures, and gosh knows what else."

This is part of a reply to the article I re-posted from Reuters about WLS and Suicide. 

First, was:

"Oh, yay, let's post something else to scare the newbies! "

I must've misread my job description.  I thought it was my job to scare the fat right out of you.  I mean, that's what people have been saying for years to me.  "We don't want to turn out like, like, you!" (That is, of course, because I am a leper.)

And, for what it's worth?  If I wanted to SCARE anyone, I would try a lot harder.  My mere presence in the WLS community is scary enough.

"I do feel the poster has a way of intentionally posting things just to scare newbies. This is just one of many I have come across that are pretty obviously suggestive.  It's one thing to inform, but it's another to repeatedly...well, I am not going to get into that, I am a nicer person than this, and I don't go on these boards to cause friction, or to view extremely negative posts."

If I stopped ONE person from thinking there was something inherently wrong with THEM since they feel bad post WLS, particularly when they didn't feel bad PRE-WLS?  I did the right thing by posting that article.

However the bigger picture is KNOWLEDGE and PREPARATION.  If you KNEW the possiblities of what might happen to you -- and knew how to prepare, react and treat, and that you're not alone -- aren't you a million times better off?

I will continue to do whatever it is that I do, and if it scares you, I am doing it right.

Fuck off.




Heightened suicide risk after weight-loss surgery

Please don't respond with, "Yeah, but...I didn't!"  Please take this seriously.  It happens.

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Severely obese people who undergo weight-loss surgery may have a higher-than-average risk of suicide in the years following the procedure, a new study finds.

Continue reading "Heightened suicide risk after weight-loss surgery" »

And, I do ask!

People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become.  And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.  ~Edith Wharton

And you wonder, "Beth, Why Do You Bother?"  

Because, truly, for every ONE of THESE, posted publicly on a message board in response to this post:

"Post Date: 9/27/10 8:22 am first off there is nothing for me to be jealous of beth about....want what beth has please... i have already put togeher two conferences in houston that succeed i hear that she cant even get one going... no with beth what you see is NOT what you get..."

There are fifty kind souls out there.  I met several this weekend, and I thank you.  If it weren't for kind people, I would half-on my way to being a cat-lady.

WINNER! The Enchanted Seed $150 worth of GORGEOUS artisan jewelry for Team MM!

The winner of this gorgeous custom made jewelry set:

Picture 29

Marie S.!

  300 dpi MM Business 1 Good

The Enchanted Seed is an independently-owned, artisan jewelry company with design studios located in Tucson, Arizona and Butler, New Jersey. We use delicate Asian freshwater pearls, semi-precious gemstones, and imported crystal to create one-of-a-kind handmade pieces that are both beautiful and affordable. Our designers, Maureen (devoted reader/lap band/-100 so far) and Dianne (Reiki Master), have been friends forever, and have combined their artistic skills and holistic knowledge to create unique jewelry designs that combine beauty, inspiration, and healing.

Melting Mama’s Jewelry Give-Away: Professional Chic by LyzzMcGee *

Wear your team’s colors to work! This set is designed with Freshwater Pearls, highlighted with Pink Mother of Pearl, Onyx, Quartz, and Swarovski Crystals. The necklace is a generous 44-inch in length. Wear it long, double it up, or twist it to make a torsade as shown in the photograph. The coordinating bracelet wraps twice around, and fits the average wrist. The earrings dangle from surgical-steel French wires, and are approximately 2 inches long from the top of the wire to the bottom of the longest pearl.




First, I will force you to sit through 200 photos, while I figure out how I am going to draw names for the Walk From Obesity GIVEAWAYS!  (Yes, it appears that MM sang the National Anthem during this Walk.  I'll let you figure out what happened.  :P ...)

(This cool chick doesn't have the internet.  She came to talk to me and shared her story.  Six months post op, off of all her diabetes medications, and out of her wheelchair.  She was told she would not live another year.)

We had a great day (the end of September, sweated our butts off!) a great turn-out, and raised a great deal of money.  I think Team MM and the BBGC ended at about $2300.00 in donations, and I thank you, as most of them pretty much all of them came FROM YOU!

Just a quote to ponder this evening.

Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. 

They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. 

Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. 

~Author Unknown


Yes, I am vague-blogging.  I can't write what I want to. <expletive>

Please send your prayers and chicken swings, and just so you know...


What follows is a message from Michelle, Vitalady and superwife of Vitaguy.  These two are wonderful people, hilarious and awesome in so many ways. 
Michelle is STILL OPEN FOR BUSINESS AS USUAL, as she's got peeps that can handle things for her as necessary.  As you can imagine, she must continue on.  (And that means, she NEEDS customers.)
Please send out more love.
From Vitalady -
*** This is my apology for any abruptness of replies and my delinquency in responding.  Here is the long and short of my status.  August 20, Don acquired a very serious kidney infection.  Although he recovered, he was very ill for 2 weeks.  When he finished his course of antibiotics and was cleared, then he really got sick. 
He was OK at 3 am early the morning of Sept 7, but at 6 am he was on the floor unable to move.  He felt chest pain (a spasm, is how he describes it now) and planned to stand up and walk it off.  There seems to be a 3-4 second gap in his memory.  I heard a loud THUD and he was on the floor.  He can't say if his bad knee crumpled or if he lost consciousness or perhaps the paralysis had begun. 
In any case, when he fell, he hit his head on (?) something unforgiving and it snapped his neck backward breaking/displacing C-4.  The nerve damage was immediate and he became a Spinal Cord Injury patient.
The local EMT's responded immediately and the ER team was excellent in diagnosing his issue and ruling out any possibility of heart or stroke issues.  We still don't know what the chest pain was (not strong) and we still don't know why he went down.
He was transferred and had surgery 9/9 (they waited for swelling to go down).  They fused C 3-4-5-6.   He began to have movement again in his hands/fingers/legs.  But it will be months before these things work well.  This surgery is done via the throat and back of his neck and a drain was installed in his throat area.  All this causes swelling in his throat area and he cannot swallow.
He was moved to in-patient rehab at the closest hospital.  They did swallow studies and his problem seems to be mechanical, not more nerve damage.  He does PT, OT, ADL and speech therapy all day.
As of 9/22, he is home, with all kinds of scary equipment.  My decor is Modern Hospital these days.  He can speak again, but is being tube fed.  The danger of his aspirating his own saliva is still present.  His swallowing is improving, but the swelling from the damage and fixit surgery are still making his throat too snug for much to pass.  ****
Vitalady, Inc ™


Facebook is broken, so here comes a status update post.  This is what happens to my random personal updates, they go to Facebook.

My youngest is signed up to start preschool Monday (the director just called now) through our local Head Start program, via a sliding-fee scale situation.  Between my "self-employed," "enrolled in college," "disabled" status, she got in with a decent weekly fee.

The program has a bus, it does a group pick up and drop off, but it's seven miles away from my house. Seven miles is nothing -- when you can drive.  

I just paid for the big kids to take the school bus to public elementary and middle school.  This bus comes to the driveway.  We live within walking distance of a school, but I pay for the bus anyway, because come snow -- how likely are we to make a parade to school at 8am?  Notsomuch.  I'm not lazy, but realistically, would you walk a three year old to school with your third grader five days a week?  HA.

If I were driving it would be nothing to have Mr. MM drop her off -- and I could pick her up.  And, I would have time to pick up a regular out of the house job as well.  

I know it sounds stupid, "You're home full time, why do you want to send her to preschool?"


We go?  Nowhere.  We do?  Nothing.  It's a whole bushel of fun in my house Monday > Friday.  I am not even going to mention that Mr. MM makes a point of always looking for a second job (just got another one) and will be out of the house on his DAYS OFF.  Which makes us -- home -- seven days a week.  Super, fun.  

Please consider that before you give me an OUNCE of "How dare you send your child to preschool IF YOU ARE NOT WORKING, GASP!"  I would love GO TO WORK. I don't want to work for anyone, I just want to go.

AWESOME! "Three out of four Americans will be overweight or obese by 2020."

This is pleasing -

Yahoo -

Three out of four Americans will be overweight or obese by 2020, and disease rates and health care spending will balloon, unless governments, individuals and industry cooperate on a comprehensive strategy to combat the epidemic, the study by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development said.

The Paris-based organization, which brings together 33 of the world's leading economies, is better known for forecasting deficit and employment levels than for measuring waistlines. But the economic cost of excess weight — in health care, and in lives cut short and resources wasted — is a growing concern for many governments.

Franco Sassi the OECD senior health economist who authored the report, blamed the usual suspects for the increase.

"Food is much cheaper than in the past, in particular food that is not particularly healthy, and people are changing their lifestyles, they have less time to prepare meals and are eating out more in restaurants," said Sassi, a former London School of Economics lecturer who worked on the report for three years.

That plus the fact that people are much less physically active than in the past means that the ranks of the overweight have swelled to nearly 70 percent in the U.S. this year from well under 50 percent in 1980, according to the OECD.

In 10 years, a full 75 percent of Americans will be overweight, making it "the fattest country in the OECD," the report said.

The same factors driving the epidemic in the U.S. are also at work in other wealthy and developing countries, Sassi said. "There is a frightening increase in the epidemic," Sassi said, "We've not reached the plateau yet."

Super.  Fries?


Weight Watchers Is Full Of Can't.

"Before Weight Watchers? My world was can't."



(Please don't take it personal.  And, I've said this on Facebook and Twitter already, when I first saw the commercials, because they made me SPIT FIRE.)

You were NOT MORBIDLY OBESE.  I bet you didn't have trouble tying your shoes or wiping your ass.  

Don't get me wrong.  I completely understand losing weight.  Obviously I do.  However.

You were beyond successful, amazing and beautiful before the Weight Watchers campaign.  Jennifer, somehow, I am not seeing the Fail that this commercial is making you out to be:

Jennifer - you are amazing - either way.

Weight Watchers is the #1 money-maker in the US, with a HUGE marketing budget.  Millions and millions of dollars spent on making us feel less than adequate.

Weight Watchers knows that Diets Don't Work, but a emo Jennifer Hudson sells Weight Watchers. (That's Not A Diet -- But Is)

Is your world REALLY full of CAN'T?  Will Weight Watchers really change your WORLD?  OR - will YOU CHANGE?

And, to make this more on topic, I feel a simliar twinge when I see gastric band commercials, though most of those (that are aired HERE, anyway) are quite "blah" and dry when it comes to selling a New World OF Cans.

Unless, of course:

The number on the scale determines my worth.

Picture 14

Have you abused your scale?  Have you threatened to throw it?

I have.

Have you stepped on your scale more than once a day, just to see?  And, have you gotten angry because the weight hasn't budged, or WORSE, GOT HIGHER?  (Perhaps because you OMG ATE SOME FOOD?)

I have.

Have you put it "away" for a while, just to take a break from the constant mental fight you have with this piece of metal?

I have.

Have you played with the zero-balance, on more than one scale just to see if each weighs you the SAME, or if "this one has GOT to be broken!?"

Yeah.  Been there.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Because.  

We are conditioned to believe we are as good as the NUMBER ON THE SCALE.  My girls are already doing this -- and they aren't picking it up from me.  It's SCARY.  (It is environmental, if Mom, Dad or Grandma says it, it STICKS, or if you hear it at school?  Forget about it.)

Am I simply 167  lbs.?  Am I a better person today than I was a few months ago at 189?  Or, am I a worse person because I am not 150 pounds like I WAS?  

NO.  THAT IS CRAZY TALK.  However, if you asked me that several years ago, just after weight loss surgery, I would have had a different answer.

Why do we allow numbers to define WHO/WHAT/WHEN/WHERE and WHY we are who we are?  Because.  Just because.  And, I THINK IT SUCKS.  

It's obvious that I am learning where I stand in this "community" -- and I am a parent of four kids -- whom are the future target market of a bariatric surgeon.  My oldest child turned 13 yesterday, and she's many pounds heavier than I was at her age.  I thought that if mom and dad had weight loss surgery it would circumvent a lot of this, however, this blog may never end.

*"How would you feel if you stepped on the scale in the morning and it always gave you a compliment? "you're perfect", "you're gorgeous", "you're hot!" You'll never have another bad scale day with a Yay! Scale. Thanks to the principles of quantum physics - a Yay! Scale."

Vacuum Drama.

I got my vacuum back from the Dyson peeps! It's a magical, wonderful, day! I opened the box to find my vacuum, just as I sent it, dirty. I figured that maybe part of "service" would be a cleaning. But, I didn't care, it would TURN ON AND SUCK ONCE AGAIN! SO EXCITING, I grabbed my iPhone.

Dyson followed up after an email, and offered to send a replacement if I sent them this vacuum.  It's a deal.  Thanks, Dyson.