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Magic Mike! In which I realize I am not a typical girl.

I wrote this on my MM Facebook page yesterday, and got varying reactions from full-on apathy to You Simply Do Not Understand The Art!1!1!

Melting Mama · 2,444 like this

21 hours ago ·  

And last night, I went to see the movie.  I apologize, internet, curiosity sucked me in.  The online female SQUEE over this movie is palpable.  Moist, even.

No really.   The response online so far has been  -

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I soon realized a few things, most notably, I am not your typical girl.  Atypical even.  It's quite possible.

Last night was a rare kid-free event, and the only movies I recognized were Brave, Ted and Magic Mike.  I was actually afraid Ted would horrify (and make me angry blog) more than Magic Mike, so the choice was made.  I walked away distracted by shiny things when Mr. MM bought the tickets.  When the girl behind the glass selling him tickets Clearly Yelled:  "WILL THAT BE JUST FOR ONE TICKET TO MAGIC MIKE?" he turned to realize #1 - I had walked off, #2 - He was followed by a hoarde of giggly women types.  

Sorry?

We were the first in the theater, soon followed by several gaggles of women.  The first group was at least six or eight women, a couple that identified themselves as "Mommy's going to sit right here, sweetie!" with their quite young daughters that moved to the front of the theater.  They were chatty and bouncing out of their seats, and that was just the moms.

The next group was of about eight twentysomethings in full-on LET US SQUEE mode.  The cameras came out.  They proceeded to photograph the event!  

  • Status update - "OMG WE R AT DA MOVIES!"  FLASH.  
  • "See'n Magic Mike!"  FLASH.  "WHY WON'T THIS UPLOAD!?"  
  • FLASH.  

I counted seven camera flashes before I got the urge to maim and kill these women who had done nothing to me.  I think Mr. kept me from getting loud about telling them to PUT THE GOD DAMNED CAMERAS AWAY BEFORE I DO IT FOR YOU.   

Even during the movie previews, the decibel level was high.  There was a preview for an upcoming Will Ferrell and Zack Galifianakis movie, and even though it was funny, the reactions were hugely out of proportion from this audience.  *funny moment*  WAILS. OF. SCREAMY. LAUGHTER.  Okay.  We get it.  You are excited.  I'd be happy to see that film also.  BUT WE DO NOT HAVE TO SCREAM OVER IT.

Are you looking for a review of the film?  I don't do that.  

But I can synopsize it badly for you:  

A 19 year old boy needs work (NINETEEN!), roofing is too much hard, finds it dancing with other dudes and a creepy 42 year old Matt McConaughey, gets embarrassed, gets almost naked, prances around stage with all of the boys, yay money!, meets and has fun with a few chicks, does some drugs, sells some, crashes into reality, end of movie.  

Bo-ring and hardly the "OMG MY OVARIES ARE IMPLODING I NEED YOU NAO!!!!!!1111!!! CAN'T TYPE!!?!!!" reaction that one might expect after seeing the hype.  Not at all.  Even the squealing of the women in the theater in the FIRST. SCENE. was unexpected.  Ladies, it's an ass.  Everyone has an ass.   Have you not seen ass before?  Most R-rated films contain ass.  This movie was no R-rated exception for ass, and was super boring, and had a lack of, ass.

I won't mention that I fell asleep half-way in to the film.  I missed a few minutes.

Don't waste your money.  And it's nothing like the book.  :x  "OMG THERE WAS A BOOK!?!?!!?!?!  WHERE CAN I BUY IT?1!11111!11?"

“Shoulda been big fun, but a deadly combination of no script and a strange lack of sexiness renders this male-stripper tale an aimless, although very commercially calculated, bore.” -David Noh, Filmjournal.com

 Go see Brave instead.

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