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April 2015 posts

Fat Kid.

This video was made as a part of The Bridge Exchange, an exchange program for young artists between VidCon and the Brave New Voices Festival to bridge the spoken word and online video communities. Learn about the project here: http://bit.ly/BridgeExchangeVideoPlay...

Watch more videos here:
Seize Her by Lerato Lee Mokobe: http://bit.ly/SeizeHer
Hereditary by Rhiannon McGavin: http://bit.ly/Hereditary-Poem
Dear Winchat by Belinda Zwahi: http://bit.ly/DearWinchat
Fat Kid by Travis Thompson: http://bit.ly/FatKidPoem
Dear Pluto by Amelia Xanthe: http://bit.ly/DearPluto
Princess by Arianna Burrell: http://bit.ly/PrincessPoem
Monster by Unique Hughley: http://bit.ly/MonsterPoem 

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Written by Travis Thompson
Video Directors - Jackson Adams, Bayan Joonam, Georgia Koch 
Program Producer - Jose Vadi
Editor - Andy Golibersuch


Year Eleven, Plot Twist.

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Oddly enough last year was my best in terms of weight loss and weight maintenance after my roux en y gastric bypass now eleven years ago.

I just searched the blog for my yearly *cringe* "surgiversary" updates and it appears it really was.

 "Best."  I maintained a nearly-normal bodyweight for half of the year, guys.  If I look back on my averages over the last ten years, the weight is smack-dab in the middle of average.  I am just that.  

Super-average.  

I started out the year at my near lowest, while using the gym and eating decently.  My goal had been to continue that - and ignore weight if I could add muscle tone.  

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One of the most common questions I get inboxed to me is:  What Do You Eat Everyday - What Do You Do?!  Here is the thing:  PEOPLE VARY DRASTICALLY.  I realized that my intake vs. output is a delicate balance.

Here's my intake for the most part of the last 90 days:

Screen Shot 2015-04-08 at 3.06.56 PM

This looks mostly like this, with days of "Want pizza for dinner?  Who wants mozzarella sticks?"  Once a week.  I eat very little meat, though I am still cooking it a couple times a week for the family.

Breakfast - 

  • Coffee - unsweetened almond milk - cocoa powder
  • Frozen tofu based meal, other

Lunch -

  • Leftovers from dinner or
  • Soup or salad or
  • Bread + cheese

Snack - 

  • Chickpeas, whole grain crackers, cheese, veggie burrito

Dinner - 

  • Protein, veggie, carb - whatever is made for the family or...
  • Frozen vegan meal

Snack -

  • More dinner, usually, I honestly don't eat at dinner time... I eat before bed.  I might have a few bites at dinner time, especially if I am cooking, and then I don't want anything.  

This isn't much different than my eating of the year before - and I maintain my weight at this level of calories.  I would assume I eat about 1500 - 1700 most days with days lower, and days higher (rare).  

I actually lose weight at this intake if I am moving enough.  

Disclaimer, BMI SUCKS and I have NEVER been in the normal category for more than two minutes because I am SHORT AND I AM SHRINKING so if I want to EAT, I HAVE TO MOVE MY ASS.

I was.  I'm not.   No excuses.  

My intentions were good, but life always seems to have different plans.  

I developed some super fun back pain that coincided with less time at the gym (...yes I think movement HELPS pain, but getting past pain to MOVE is now the problem!) and was diagnosed with some degenerative disc disease.  My time working out was cut drastically with my spouse's work schedule changing - kid's school schedules and just having no means to go.  Adding the lack of gym time to pain = Beth not moving her ass because it hurts = Beth not moving.  I started slugging out at home from August (...when the schedule changed) to this winter.  I hate to whine because Everybody Huuuurttttts.   I'm also super realistic and I know I'm getting older, and it is unlikely that my back will Get Better at this age.  It isn't going to benefit me to complain about it now because it's going to get worse with time.  

Grinding along through back pain is difficult though, when it makes every part of your day a little more complicated - you'd think just sitting would be restful - easy.   Sitting here is the most painful part of my day aside from attempting to sleep laying down, I live in a series of twitchy z-z-z-zaps.  If I could pace all day long, I'd be fine.  

And I just may start doing that.

Why?  *changing tenses, writing badly but writing*

There was a single motivation -- I got on the scale after knowing that I was not fitting in my size medium running pants.   THEY SQUISHED ME LIKE A SAUSAGE.  I knew I had gained weight, I could see it - but - I kept squishing into them.  So what if my legs are more puffy?  Whatever.  

And then my boobs.  MY BOOBS.  I didn't HAVE ANY, and a few weeks ago I'm all - O - O - and WHY DO THEY HURT I'd better start my cycle RIGHT NOW or I am going to cry and I just might cry right now or throw up.

Oh.  

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I'll save you the dramatic implosion that occurred after three of those, but I've been to the MD twice, and I see a maternal-fetal medicine doctor tomorrow.    I was not planning this, obviously, nor was I telling anyone, but a certain spouse outed me - and a lot of people took it as a joke.  

I don't find it funny.

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I've got this.  I have never had a pregnancy WHILE on anti-epileptic medications, so that is of course of concern as I CANNOT be unmedicated and live safely.  If you recall, my seizure activity became evident during my first post-RNY pregnancy and it was undiagnosed for a very long time.   Also, apparently, I AM OLD.  I am "Of Advanced Maternal Age."  

ADVANCED.  AGE.   3-5.  This was the year, that I told my husband, I think we are old enough to have kids now.  Forget that my oldest is the same age as I was when I got pregnant with her.  

She said, "Well, at least it isn't me."  Yes, thanks for that.

Grandma MM doesn't really have a ring to it.  And I think my mother would explode.