Hold the Press Releases, Suz!
And, then I read this review. Oh. Maybe I wouldn't, so much. Maybe a little? (I see you gacking over there. LOLOLOLOLOL.)
Bacon, is meat candy. This, is, SUGAR FREE, bitches!
"I'mma do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think"
Well, there is mine, kids.
Hi, how are YOU?
I'm a little bit pleased this morning. I weighed in. 164 lbs. Bacon, FTW.
I don't keep accurate records, nor do I log my weight OFTEN, but this is quite indicative of my last year or so. I started where I am now. The peak was about ten pounds higher than THAT dot would even indicate. I never actually logged it, even if I wrote about it. Ouch. I died inside when I inched toward 1-9-0 lbs. I started a blog about "Regain." And, it stopped.
If I can convince Mr. MM that there won't be any holiday baking (I don't, much...) I will be well off this holiday season to continue losing. Mr.? There won't be ANY holiday baking. Nobody NEEDS your shit. KTHANX.
I am actually logged into The Daily Plate right now. I have logged, uh, one meal. It won't last.
Maybe you're all like, "OMG, she's posting about BACON, AGAIN?!" Yeah. I do post about the bacon a lot. It's my THING. I don't really eat it, so I might as well post about it. ;) If I posted about WHAT I REALLY DID EAT? You would be bored out of your gawd damn mind. "OMG, this string cheese is SFG!" Yeah, that's, fun?
With that - I give you - Aunt Jemina's Bacon Pancakes.
These are the original instructions from a 1962 magazine ad for Aunt Jemima pancake mix:
"Just about the best breakfast that ever greeted a hungry family! And it's as easy as this: Shake up Aunt Jemima batter according to package directions. Place cooked bacon strips on the griddle and pour batter over each strip. Bake 'em golden brown on both sides. Couldn't be easier - couldn't taste better! How about Aunt Jemima Bacon Strip Pancakes at your house tomorrow!"
To make it WLS Friendly? All you have to really do: is substitute the pancake mix with a low-carb mix, and use a tiny bit of sugar-free syrup. Don't you DARE put turkey bacon in here, however. Butter? That's up to you. (I say, yes.)
Eat about 3/4 serving of instant grits.
I thought I would avoid the carbohydrate coma by adding protein and fat, but, it was a big fat fail. I ate the grits with crumbled bacon bits and light butter at 11am, and had to lay down and was out of it until about 2pm.
Yes, I know better, yes, I have eaten this same food at least 5-10 times before with the same result, but I thought THIS TIME IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT! THIS TIME! BACON WOULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER! HA. My body says FUCK THE BACON, I WILL SHOW YOU!
Newbies, close your eyes: Tell me this, I can eat and ENTIRE BLOCK OF RAMEN NOODLES WITH ZERO RAMIFICATIONS? But, 1/4 cup of GRITS sends me to bed? I puffy heart love my WLS!
Chocolate Bacon Not-Gingerbread House. This festive craft is different, I might be able to assemble without eating the frosting and getting sick in the process.
Except this part. I might want to gnaw on the roof.
Don't ask how it got here, but I have a copy of Paula Deen's Holiday Baking magazine.
I think I purchased it because the front cover scared the shit out of me with her photoshopped eyeballs, or Mr. did to send the subliminal message to BakeMoahCookiezPlz. (I'm not. None. Not at all. If Santa gets any cookies, they are to be purchased That. Day. at the bakery.)
Is please to gaze into the spherical blueness. "You are getting hypgglycemic..."All things Bacon Salt.
Toddlers and Tiaras, anyone?
We shoulda brought it to NY and had a little bacon-festivity during the OH conference, is that so wrong? Can you imagine the smell in this place? Baconfest!
We all remember our first taste of bacon. Maybe it wasnât perfect: maybe the bacon was cold; maybe there was congealed bacon grease clinging to the rasher. But we remember it, because it opened the door to a lifetime of bacon memories. It was that first crispy step on the path to a bacony life. It set the bar for every slab and slice and hunk of sweet cured pork that was to follow.
Baconfest Chicago is in the business of creating new bacon memories. To that end, we find it convenient to list our beliefs about bacon so that you may discern whether the bacon memories we offer are the ones youâll want lodged in your head.
"...the reverse pig in a blanket (pictured above) consisted of buttermilk biscuit dough mixed with bacon bits, all wrapped in bacon and then griddled."
When he was stopped by employees, the 22-year-old Fort Walton Beach man ran to the back of the store and dumped the bacon, according to his arrest report.
He was charged with retail theft and resisting property recovery by a retail merchant.