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Optimum Nutrition Protein Cake Bites

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There was a time, long long ago, where I'd buy a bag of glazed mini-donuts and They Were My Crack.  That waxy chocolate covering -- and cakey interior -- a carby, sugary calorie death.

This is not that product.  That is what triggered me to PICK IT UP.

These "Protein Cake Bites" look suspiciously like a carby-sweet product on the packaging, but I'm going to tell you IT IS A TRICK.

What I found were miniature waxy glazed protein pucks.  The outside is a white yogurt covering with sprinkles, leading to a thick and pasty protein center.  (Not cake. Disappointment.)  It is like you took two scoops of protein, pressed them in an espresso maker with ... oil.  Maybe that's cake enough for you?   

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The nutrition, better than cake.  Protein *first*, anyway.  Twenty grams of the stuff - if you eat all 240 calories and three pucks.  I do not feel I could eat more than one at a time, texturally it was a difficult sell.

I had one last night, one in the middle of the night and threw the last away.

For what it's worth, these are better as a snack in the middle of the night than something else (...even if it's not my thing) I might have sitting bedside.  I always have bedside OMG LOW BLOOD SUGAR snacks. They'd probably last a year.  

I have some other flavors to try and for photographing.  I'm a little disappointed because I wanted to enjoy these more.  YouTube told me I should.  

  • Product - Optimum Nutrition Protein Cake Bites
  • Price - About $2.10 per pack 
  • Purchased - Local GNC, here's an Amazon link.
  • Pros - Pretty little package, the graphic initially reminded me of donuts from 15 years ago, **sprinkles**, three separate protein snacks in one sleeve, a good to-go shove in your bag snack, 20 grams protein
  • Cons - I can't with the texture.  Lots of carbohydrates if you're counting.
  • Rating - Pending, based on the next flavor I try.  Maybe this was an off pack?

Proti Wafers Review

If you have been following me since Ye Olden Days Of WLS  (I had roux en y gastric bypass in 2004, and I've blogged and been on social media since 2005), you will know this is my second go 'round with this product.  (Or here is to hoping it is the same product I adored back in days of old.)

Proti Wafers.  I think I called them "Sugar Wafers, Only Better" in my very first review which I can no longer find.  

Sent to me from netrition, I have a box of Proti Wafers in my choice - vanilla.

Netrition's site reads:

Proti Nutrition Proti Wafer Squares are great tasting, high protein squares that will satisfy your hunger. Proti Squares offer a rich taste at 200-210 calories a serving.

The stats -

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Ingredients: Protein blend (milk protein isolate, hydrolyzed gelatin, whey protein isolate, pea protein isolate), wheat flour, fractionated palm and palm kernel oil, sugar, fructose, milk ingredients (skim milk powder, while milk powder, butter fat), cocoa butter, unsweetened chocolate, soy lecithin, soy flour, sunflower oil, water, natural and artificial flavors, salt, sodium bicarbonate, sucralose (non-nutritive sweetener), corn flour.

In each box, you receive five packs of two wafer-bars.  Each packet contains two wafers.  

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The best way to describe these bars:  old-fashioned sugar wafers.  I can't think of anything else when biting into them.  Except these have a chocolate base, and a chocolate drizzle, dressed much fancier than the stacks of sugar-cookies I ate as a kid.  

The biggest difference?  These pack 15 grams of protein per 200 calorie serving.  That's pretty super for a snack food.  Early in my weight loss surgery life, I will admit to being psychotically wary of the carbohydrate, fat and sugar content of this product, but now, I find it is a great balance.   

  • Product - Proti Nutrition Proti Wafers, Vanilla
  • Price - $14.95 (for ten wafers)
  • From - netrition
  • Pros - OMG SUGAR WAFER COOKIES WITH PROTEIN POWERS.  Portable protein for the purse (or other) sneaky snacks for the movies.  Tastes like it should not be a protein product
  • Cons - Tastes like it should not be a protein product.  Your kids will open them before you get a chance to review them for your blog and ruin the box they came in.  Just saying.  Your kids will eat them.  If you want to save them for your bariatric diet, HIDE THEM from your family because they ain't cheap. 
  • Rating - Pouchworthy



Alright guys, who is going to send me this?  Can you feed a family of seven in an InstantPot?  Tell me more.  I need to know all about this thing.  These things.  All the things.  Amazon linkage below will send you to the product page.  Comments are entertaining as always. 


Trader Joe's Greens, Beans and Grains Review


I live in the forest food desert where food delivery would be nice by drone.  (No, really.  Seven feet of snow. SEND. FOOD.  SEND. RATIONS.  SEND TOILET PAPER.  Don't think I am not serious.)

Someone should create a quasi-healthy-food-drop service to my area and I would even accept Trader Joe's because I am between two of their locations and not within driving distance (I don't drive, still, brain still not participating in life skills training here) and haven't stepped foot inside one but once this past year or even two.  I am so out of touch with what is On Store Shelves, guys.  If you have something to tell me about, tell me, I mean that - I see nothing.

And that was last week.  I cleared out a shelf of $100 worth frozen vegetarian products. 

Because that is the way I eat now (yeah, we haven't spoken much on the blog have we?  Because... I don't know...) so when I find something I like and likes me back in the bowel I BUY THEM ALL AT ONCE.  I took a risk on this product "Trader Joe's Greens Beans And Grains" and assumed it would like me back 'cause WHY NOT?!  I have been forcing myself to eat The Greens! The Beans and The Grains! in any form I find for a while now because I spent years being afraid to do so -- and I think my gut became afraid to digest!  (Short story, it took a while to acclimate to real foods, but it works.  Most of the time.)

This product.  I didn't read the label closely.  I just saw GREENS and grabbed it because I thought "Yummy, I love greens and it's prolly vegetarian and it's gotta be good," and the calorie count was low.

But, it's not what I thought it was.  I was thinking a smoky-greeny concoction - it isn't at all - and I think they probably should have named it WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS!  

Peanut (...inspired, like?) Stew!  Maybe they didn't because people might not have bought it?  I honestly probably would not have bought it if I saw peanuts AT ALL.  Good move, TJ's.

"If you're familiar with West African cuisine, you might find our Greens, Beans and Grains similar to a traditional peanut soup or stew; albeit with a Trader Joe's influenced interpretation. In place of the collard greens typical in an African version, we've chosen kale as the Green to accompany our beans and grains. Kale is the primary reason this entrée delivers so generously on vitamin A, vitamin C, iron, calcium, protein, and dietary fiber.

But just because kale/greens are named first, don't assume that's the only standout here.  On the contrary, garbanzo beans play a pivotal role, filling in where West African cooks may utilize peanuts. They add fiber, protein, and iron, as well as super taste and texture. (We haven't left the peanuts out entirely, though, so peanut lovers rejoice!) As for the Grain portion of the show, we went with whole wheat couscous, a traditional ingredient in West African & North African cooking. All together, Greens, Beans and Grains is simmered in a vegetable stock with tomatoes, seasoned with garlic, onion, cilantro, cumin, coriander, caraway, cayenne, lemon juice, and salt - it's the spices that really play up the African connection and give the dish its memorable flavors.

We developed Greens, Beans and Grains with our supplier, and it's only available at your neighborhood Trader Joe's. We're selling each nine ounce package - an excellent single meal size - for $2.99, every day. You'll find it in our freezers."

I have eaten it twice now.  

It is not an attractive meal.  It's what my youngest calls bum-bums, and this?  Is bums in sauce.  


The first time, I microwaved it for the allotted time and ate the two sides separately and it was just too spicy.  I actually walked away from it.  I was dipping the couscous into the chickpeas and left some of the sauce behind.  

This morning, I cooked it a little less, and plated the entire concoction together.  I liked it much more this way.  I added a spoonful of Greek Yogurt on the side to kill the heat because I am a wuss, and I really enjoyed it.  I found that the couscous mixed with the peanut sauce was super moist and totally filling. 

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That said, I am still a gastric bypass post op, although at my stage (nearly 11 years) I can eat the entire portion, I would NOT eat this product as an early-stage post op, make sure you are cleared for legumes, nuts, greens and pasta.  It's full of ALL OF THEM. And damn it, I AM EATING THEM.  :P

But, I liked it enough.  BECAUSE VEGETABLES.

  • Via - Trader Joes
  • Price - $2.99
  • Pros - Greens! Beans! Grains! Vegetarian, Under 300 calories.
  • Cons - Ugly as sin.
  • Rating - Pouchworthy when you can digest it. 


Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Dr. Oz and Nutritional Supplements (HBO)

This this this this this this this this this.

I love this.

I love you John Oliver.  Watch.  WATCH!

For squee

"Dr. Oz is just a symptom of the problem."  Yep.  And yet YOU keep BUYING THE SHIT.

ISO Product To Talk About

Let's give em something to talk about.

I am in search of product to share.  

Do you have a product perfectly targeted for the fitness, weight loss or bariatric patient that would be just lovely for me to try and to share here and in my 6K girl WLS support group and Melting Mama Facebook page?  Because, I'm seeking product to discuss.  I am looking to get back to my good old-fashioned Pouchworthy reviews. 

Are you ballsy enough to send me something for review? 

Let's see.   My inbox is open.

WHO-proposed sugar recommendation comes to less than a soda per day

WHO-proposed sugar recommendation comes to less than a soda per day

WHO’s current recommendation, from 2002, is that sugars should make up less than 10% of total energy intake per day. The new draft guideline also proposes that sugars should be less than 10% of total energy intake per day. It further suggests that a reduction to below 5% of total energy intake per day would have additional benefits. Five per cent of total energy intake is equivalent to around 25 grams (around 6 teaspoons) of sugar per day for an adult of normal Body Mass Index (BMI).

The suggested limits on intake of sugars in the draft guideline apply to all monosaccharides (such as glucose, fructose) and disaccharides (such as sucrose or table sugar) that are added to food by the manufacturer, the cook or the consumer, as well as sugars that are naturally present in honey, syrups, fruit juices and fruit concentrates.

Much of the sugars consumed today are “hidden” in processed foods that are not usually seen as sweets. For example, 1 tablespoon of ketchup contains around 4 grams (around 1 teaspoon) of sugars. A single can of sugar-sweetened soda contains up to 40 grams (around 10 teaspoons) of sugar.

The draft guideline was formulated based on analyses of all published scientific studies on the consumption of sugars and how that relates to excess weight gain and tooth decay in adults and children.

Read the draft guideline and submit your comments

Bariatric Advantage Ultra Multi Formula with Iron

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From Bariatric Advantage a capsule supplement taken three times a day - with no chewing necessary.
Impressive Stats.
Powerful nutrition in 3 capsules! Our newest encapsulated multi formula is the highest potency member of our multi family of products.
Designed to meet the latest guidelines* just add one of our great selection of calcium products and you are ready to go for the day.
Contains a full 3000 IU vitamin D3, 400 mg Magnesium, 45 mg Iron, and a unique phytonutrient blend to support good health.
You also get at least 200 % DV for all the B vitamins, a full range of trace minerals, and all four fat-soluble vitamins (A, D, E, K) in water-miscible forms.
Our new Ultra Formula is a great choice for anyone who wants the benefits of great nutrition with nothing to chew.
  • Via - Bariatric Advantage 
  • Use my code if you'd like -  
  • Screen Shot 2013-08-21 at 2.57.19 PM

  • Price - $19.95 for 90, $49.95 for 270
  • Pros - No chewing, everything but calcium is in this dose
  • Cons - None that I can see
  • Rating - Pouchworthy, I am waiting to see if I can handle the size to swallow them - I am sure they are fine.

Protein Water Video Review

Before you even suggest it, this vendor had already packed up and left when Michelle and I tried this product with the CEO of a vitamin company. We tried his personal samples. We were not breaking anyone's Code Of Conduct. KTHANKS.

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No pills to take?

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Arctic Zero Frozen Dessert Review - I got time for this.

I doubted it. I did not want to try it. I was told that Artic Zero was "nasty," and that I would hate it.

When I saw a shelf of Artic Zero frozen desserts in our local grocery store, I was half-tempted, but not entirely, because *FISTS IN THE AIR!*  GUYS!?  



  • 150 calories per pint & all natural
  • Fat free & gluten free
  • Lactose intolerant friendly
  • Contains 8 grams of fiber
  • 14 grams of whey protein concentrate
  • If, you eat the whole pint.

arctic zero

If you are a bariatric patient, you ain't eatin' no WHOLE PINT OF NOTHIN'.  Even at my stage, nine years, I don't eat a pint of any one food ever -- not unless I want to take a trip to sleepy-town-next-stop-dump-city-with-a-side-of-NO.

I bought two, which cost me more than I would ever spend on frozen confections but I did it for Science!  The blog.  $4.99 each.  GASP!  I bought Chocolate and Vanilla Maple.  

Last night I noticed that Some Child Of Mine had dug into the Chocolate and I had to save it from it's certain death -- and I stole it back for review.  (Her review - "I'd eat it."  Because she did.  I stole it back.)

First impression, the product is solid like a rock and you must absolutely leave it out for a few minutes and allow it to melt a bit for best results.  It freezes quite hard because of it's high-water level and it's not palatable totally frozen solid. Sccccrrrrraaaaaaappppeeeeee.

Once it's a little bit un-frozen, it's good to go.  My first taste reaction was that of a frozen diet hot chocolate, with no grit, no textural issues, perfectly smooth.  Another similarity might be a diet fudgsicle or the chocolate part of a chocolate and vanilla ice-cream cup.

It could use more sweetness to personal preference, however it is a lower-sugar product and I would NOT want more real sugar added TO it.  The first few tastes were slightly bland, but it was better after that.  I considered adding a packet of flavoring or something to it - perhaps a shake of powdered peanut butter - sugar-free syrup or chopped super dark chocolate would have done the trick.   However I didn't add anything to it, and I ate two servings without anything on it - and was perfectly happy that way.  

I chose not to write this review until today because I wanted to wait for the full "gut-reaction" from the ingredients - you know - in the name of science - the blog - the farts -

Here are the nutritional stats -


Chocolate, Chocolate Peanut Butter,Mint Chocolate Cookie

Vanilla Maple

I am pleased to say I had little to no reaction to the fiber in the product - and I react to EVERYTHING.  There are many products that I cannot TOUCH (RIP Quest Bars, signed my gut) because of their ingredient profiles.  Thumbs up Arctic Zero.

Next up, Vanilla Maple.

Now, full disclosure - if you are a "typical" dairy ice cream eater - this is not THAT stuff.  This is a frozen diet confection for those of us who DO NOT EAT full-fat dairy ice cream.  

There's a reason I can't eat ice cream.  

(RIP ice cream, signed lactose intolerance via roux en y gastric bypass.)  Dairy ice cream contains lots of high-fat cream content and mouth-feel.  Also, many types of ice cream contain chunks of high-fat candy and high-calorie junk.  This product is a diet confection and contains only 37 calories for a reason.  

Keep that in mind and if you're going to add loads of crap BACK TO IT, why bother?

I'm going to buy a case of all the flavors via Amazon to keep on hand in my chest freezer for those ice-cold cravings.   Because, sometimes I crave it, and I can't have it.


  • Product - Arctic Zero Frozen Dessert
  • Price -  $3.26 on Amazon  - $4.99 at WalMart
  • Pros - Under 40 calories per serving, 150 for entire pint, 5 grams sugar per serving, 0 fat, 0 lactose, Fat free & gluten free, Lactose intolerant friendly, Contains 8 grams of fiber, 14 grams of whey protein concentrate
  • Cons - Tad pricey, urge to add stuff to it.
  • Rating - Pouchworthy, MM

Yo-Bro - Powerful Protein Yogurt For Boys?

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Yo-Bro.  Got you some of that yogurt you like from the health-food store.  I heard about it on NPR this morning, so I ran out and got some -
  • The First Yogurt For Men. The Greek Yogurt that’s high-protein, all-natural and great tasting, in a man-sized package. Specifically designed for the active lifestyle.

You know how I like a man-sized package.

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It's too bad that the nutrition stats rock, 'cause this girl would totally try it, even though you probably don't want me to.  Not only am I a girl, but a former fat chick.

  • Product - Powerful Protein Greek Yogurt 
  • Facebook - Powerful Protein
  • Price - $2.00-$3.00
  • Location - Nowhere near here - send me one?
  • Pros - Zero fat, super high protein
  • Cons - Silly branding, although, I get it.  Yogurt branding is SO SILLY.  "Activia!"  I get it.  Boys deserve their own bull-branded red-colored boy-gurts or something.  I am being totally facetious.  Send me some.  These stats are wonderful.

Panera Bread Hidden Menu - Or - This is how to get a MM to GO to Panera Bread?

I was just fumbling through my morning routine of empty dishwasher, make coffee, listen to morning radio.  I heard this story on NPR about Secret Menus and I stopped and thought, "Well, there's today's blog entry."


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Panera (Bread, which I avoid... because it is a BREAD. STORE. CLOAKED. AS. A. SIT. DOWN. RESTAURANT.) now offers on the sly, teh foods that I can enjoy, and that many of you can also enjoy, but we have to play the secret game to get them.


One thing you won't see on Panera Bread's secret menu? Bread.

As Scott Davis, who oversees menus for Panera Bread, explains, "This is probably the most extreme anti-kind of Panera diet you can have, right? It doesn't include bread and flour and that sort of stuff."

Davis says that the company had been missing out on a whole group of diners: diabetics and people who were cutting carbs or avoiding gluten. This menu lets the company tap into that growing health-conscious market.

"If someone never considered Panera before because the name 'bread' is in it ... this is a way of opening that door," says Davis.

So at its 1,800 stores around the country, Panera trained its employees to either pull out the secret menu card or scan a code that'll put the menu on a customer's mobile device.

But only if someone asks for it.

Here's my rant about this -- It's A Schtick, It's A Marketing Ploy -- to get foot traffic into the restaurants to "find all the foods" that are on the "hidden" but not-so-hidden-because-we-promoted-them-on-our-website-menus.  


The restaurant also desires that while you are there, you will add-on a purchase of a simple-carb from the bakery-porn-case of scones, souffles, muffins, cookies, bagels, or loaves of bread?

Shortbread cookies are my nememis.  Thank you for noticing.  Let's see if I can get through there without looking.  > - <

I love your nuts. A super fast review.

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OR.  When Beth leaves WalMart And Goes Into A Regular Grocery Store She Finds Food!

I love these little nutbars.  I've been eating them all week.  I love you Glenny's.  My gut thanks you for making a NON-SUGAR ALCOHOL PRODUCT.

Note -

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  • Product - Glenny's Peanut + Peanut Butter Bars 
  • Via - I bought these at Market Basket in the candy aisle next to the chocolate which I was considering - but I am getting them on Amazon now.
  • Price - Wicked good on Amazon.  $12.40/case of 12, $1.05/est. each
  • Pros - Super simple ingredients, no gut rumbles, no sugar alcohols, no fiber gut death!  Non-GMO.  YAY FOR MM!  (You really have no idea, I am SO SENSITIVE TO FOOD, I react TO EVERYTHING.)
  • Cons - I can't eat them all day, THEY ARE PEANUTS, high in calories, don't overdo it, silly!
  • Rating - Pouchworthy, MM

Product SQUEE! Coffee + espresso flavored whey protein isolate with ONE CARB.


The risk of showing me something I can't share immediately is this.  I go and blog about it anyway.  Now, you get this blog post with no links that makes you want to buy the product that you cannot have just yet.
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Gastric Bypass Supplements - Click to Nature's Best - Isopure 

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Isopure  -  NEW FORMULA WITH ONLY 1 GM OF CARBS AND 80MG OF CAFFEINE PER SERVING  Nature's Best PERFECT LOW CARB ISOPURE contains 50 grams of 100% Whey Protein Isolate. Any and all impurities typically found in most whey proteins have been removed to provide you with a great tasting, lactose free, glutamine enriched, state of the art carbohydrate free protein supplement.

Nature's Best set out to create a product that didn't hide anything from its customers. We wanted you to know that you're purchasing the best product available on the market. Our protein source is clearly identified as 100% Whey Protein Isolate. We didn't try to confuse you by listing a protein blend that doesn't tell you how much of the product is superior whey protein isolate and how much is whey protein concentrate or sweet whey or some other inferior protein source.  Furthermore, ISOPURE contains 0g of sugar and is instantized so it can be taken anywhere and mixed with a spoon."

  • 100% Whey Protein Isolate
  • 50 grams of protein
  • Espresso or Colombian Coffee Flavors 
  • 80 grams of caffeine
  • 1 carb

Would you be reacting like I am over here?!   SQUEE!  SQUEE!  OMG!


Gastric Bypass Supplements - Click to Nature's Best > Isopure 

I'm having a proteinspasm.   Coffeeproteinmakers you better raise your game.  We TOLD you - THIS is what we were looking for!  Review to come.