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So my big kids are off in college. (It's been a while since we chatted, internet?) My boy is seeking side photography jobs - and Instagram follows. Follow him and connect via:

A very powerful self-photography project of weight loss surgery.

Finally.  Something I can post.


"Currently, Samantha's work focuses on conceptual portraiture, allowing her to explore human emotion from the inside out. She is working on an on-going self-portrait series focused on body image and healing that challenges viewers to question what is means to accept oneself. "



Her photos are shocking if not absolutely realistic and raw if you have lost hundred(s) of pounds with weight loss surgery

If you have yet to do so, I would not be alarmed.  Question the photos.  Dig into them.  Feel it.  This is is what we know.

Screen Shot 2016-10-15 at 9.31.00 AM

Cropped image. 

Bad dreams and bouncing ships and real estate in Maine

I don't sleep well in an empty-ish house.  I have nightmares that are frighteningly realistic when there's nobody in my bed.  The positive is that I quickly forget them if I get OUT of bed and do something.  I will not analyze this last one - and I am going to blame my daughter for renting a very disturbing movie last night that must have crept inside my subconscious.  


My younger kids and spouse took off to Busch Gardens and Colonial Williamsburg for the last few days.  They're currently en route home -- it is a long. drive. home.

I did not go for a couple reasons - first off - my dog just spent a week at a sitter's house because we went on a cruise and we would have had to board her again.  She promptly came home and pooped on the carpet.  

Next, this trip was sort of unplanned -- Dad and kids were planning to go white water rafting (which I was not planning to join them on... rafting would have been fun, however my youngest was too little to join) and they had canceled that trip and made this one last minute and sort of just went on the fly.  

I do not do well on amusement park rides, in fact I don't go on them at all.  To bring this a bit on the topic of WLS, sure I understand that a huge part of many people's journeys is to "fit on a rollercoaster again!"  

But for me? 

Oh. hell. naw.  I do fit.  I didn't fit for a time.  I don't care that I fit.  It was never a "non-scale victory" in my mind because I didn't care to go back, you know?

I never, ever enjoyed rides as a big girl.  Disney -- Waterparks -- all of it -- LOATHE. THEM.  I enjoy them much much less now.  

I believe that the epilepsy diagnoses and subsequent antiseizure medications make movement-dizziness and perception much more of a problem than it was prior to seizures and meds.  This became crystal clear on our recent cruise of the Northern Atlantic Ocean, where I became visually sea-sick every time I saw the waves and felt the ship bump.  My brains - eyes - can't handle the disconnect anymore.  It took nearly a week to stop feeling the ship move in my head, so getting on a ride to make that feeling happen on purpose is not really enticing to me.

I do miss taking photographs in parks like Busch - and while being a tourist - but hate to waste the $$.$$ on getting me in the park just to be the event timeline photographer.  (Which is often my role in any location with moving parts.)

Anyway while they were off, I went to the neurologist to update about my failed WADA test and redo ...(separate post to come, my brains are special!) and a quick trip to Maine with my parents and oldest daughter.

We visited Ogunquit, ME and the Nubble Lighthouse.  I've decided that fore a mere several million dollars, I could live in either location, thanks.





Oh. Yes. She. Did.

Hold the Press Releases, Suz!  

How do you go from not paying your taxes, failure to ship orders since 2011, closing your store, foreclosure, shutting down all communication to... THIS?

Continue reading "Oh. Yes. She. Did." »

Plus-sized bodies are beautiful.

In PLUS Model Magazine, January 2012 edition, we learn some things.  

 Size 12 (THE HORROR!) can be DROP DEAD GORGEOUS -- even if Photoshopped.  I know, I know.  But, she's got wrinkles and folds!

Also --

- Twenty years ago the average fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, she weighs 23% less.

- Ten years ago plus-size models averaged between size 12 and 18. Today the need for size diversity within the plus-size modeling industry continues to be questioned. The majority of plus-size models on agency boards are between a size 6 and 14, while the customers continue to express their dissatisfaction.

- Most runway models meet the Body Mass Index physical criteria for Anorexia.

- 50% of women wear a size 14 or larger, but most standard clothing outlets cater to sizes 14 or smaller.

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(Please don't whine about how "Even at a size 12, I will never look like that, because I've lost _____ lbs and my body is a mess."  In this community, we are all floppy and flappy, but WOMEN?!?  YOU ARE A SIZE 12 NOW.  IS this not amazing?   As for this woman:  she's naked in a magazine because she's photoshopped and beautiful TO BEGIN WITH at her normal American size.  Not everybody is a model.)

I'm sure these things don't shock to those of us who've been much, much bigger than a size 14.  We KNOW how awful it is to shop for clothes, there just isn't any VARIETY once we're looking for "plus size" apparel.  (Do not even MENTION plus-size girls clothes, I will cut kittens.)

How do we fix this?  PLUS Model Magazine suggests --

Tips on how we can help create change:

- Support the companies who market to you. 
- Use social networking sites and email to let brands and designers know how you feel about clothing, options and the use of straight sized models (thin models) to market to you.
- Your dollars count! If you stop buying at “Store A” and let them know you will not be purchasing clothing until they market to you, this will raise concern.
- Use every avenue and opportunity you have available to you for your voice to be heard.
- Indie designers need our support.

Agreed.  We, as "plus-sized" women much push for options if we want them.  

It pains me.

I started to do a product review just now -- and realized -- my camera is all boxed up and being shipped off for repair.  *single tear* 

Note:  When you buy a DSLR?  Get insurance.  Because, cameras fall down, and replacing them is Very. Expensive.

I hope to go get it dropped off at the UPS store today -- and get it back before the OH Event in Cincinatti.  Without a camera, I would feel like I lost an arm.  I would not know what to do with myself whilst being a semi-tourist. 

Thoughts on a fly-by trip to NYC.

I went to NYC for a brief visit during my stay at the OH Event (more on that in another post) and a few people asked me what I thought of the big bad city. 

I said, "Underwhelming and overwhelming."

It's not nearly as big and beautiful as I had made it out to be in my head.  TV does that to you.   Seriously, walking by ABC GMA windows, I was like, "This is IT?  WTF?"  Looking at it from a camera, I could find things to photograph potentially forever.  I am not so sure I'd have enjoyed it without looking at it that way.

But the speed of the people in the city would drive me ape shit.  And I Do Not Want A Bus Tour.  Thanks!  I have a thing for signs, ads and people, especially those who look beat down and sad.  There is no shortage of that in NYC.

How do you who live in town deal with that constant nagging?  I guess you learn to be blank faced and ignore everything.  I'm not a city girl -- I live in the biggest "town" in my state -- but it doesn't have anything like NYC.  Boston, a bit, but... Boston seems "pretty" to me now.  Go figure.  Going out to LA last year made Boston feel CLEAN, too.  Figure that out.


I need to see MORE of NYC.  We only spent a short time, walking what we could from a parking garage, hitting up the Carnegie Deli with no wait, in which I ordered a brisket sandwich but only ate a pickle (stupid) and couldn't imagine doing that on a regular basis. People shoved in like dirty smelly sardines.  Blech.  I thought for sure we were bringing home H1N1.  Don't breathe my AIR!  Shoo!

Overall, my trip was quick and dirty, and I would love to go back, and STAY IN TOWN. 

Hopefully I can make a reason to do so, because it's hella expensive to DO SO.4041581712_e54cf4c057_b

Good Morning.





I was packing lunches for school, and my daughter said, it looks like you need a picture outside.  I wanted to get far enough back to get the whole enchilada -- the rays, the fog -- but I was on the porch and this is what I saw.

Because it's icky and damp, and I feel like crap.


It is. I feel icky, my legs are aching today. Every so often this happens out of nowhere, and I feel like lead. Boo.

Unrelated - yesterday I was cleaning my daughters' room - and I felt 'off.'  I didn't know if I was crashing blood sugar wise, and I didn't have the brains or function to go get a meter, test, and treat a low.  I had been fine until that moment, and then, woozy.  I found myself staring off into la-la land, and I don't remember what I said to my daughter, but she came to me with a Fun-Dip, which apparently I ripped into, ate the sugar stick and spilled the powder everywhere.  I do not remember how long it lasted, or if the sugar brought me out of it, but, it pisses me OFF.  Mostly because I don't know what happened - I wish I had a little spy cam on my head to see - was it hypoglycemia or a seizure?!  I haven't had any since I started the new medication - or so I thought.  My husband thinks I had an event during sleep two or three days ago, and now maybe yesterday with these weird happenings.   I swear, if this stuff stops working, I will SCREAM.



"Tissy is a monsah!"  this was not the first.  I took like, twenty photos this morning.  They are all horrific.  I gave up for the moment.  And now I am reading a manual and an online training guide.

I suppose there will be quite a giant learning curve.  I do not like reading books and learning.  This is why I am terrified of college - and self-directed online classes - telling me to take a book and go do it? Hahahaha.  I need bullet-pointed lists and hands-on visual learning.

  • Take this.
  • Do this.
    • Result. 



Well folks, I went.  I talked briefly with an admissions counselor about the photography program at CDIABU.  She said I would be a good fit, and that was it.  We went over to see the money man, who linked me up to Sallie Mae, who HATES MY GUTS.

If you have not read one thing I have ever written:  Don't screw up your credit.  We did, six years ago.  Now?  We have near-perfect credit, but I cannot get an education loan.  I am not eligible for financial aid because we are not poor, (we are debt rich) and I cannot get loans because we made a poor choice six years ago.