...You Know You're A Geek When?

I am going to the hospital for EEG monitoring tomorrow morning, potentially for 7-10 days, and last time I did this it was in an ambulance and I did not have a chance to pack a thing.  I sat and watched bad day-time television.  This time, I have my little suitcase ready. 

Last night, we went out to dinner with my parents, and my mother knew that I was amassing reading material, because When Else Will I Be In Bed For A Week With Nothing To Do But READ?  Bob had already done this - last week - he went to the store and came home with an arm load of magazines - probably the ENTIRE woman's health, food and fitness section.  (He tries, I don't buy any of those, EVER.  Also, Cosmo?  Vogue?  I don't think I have ever BOUGHT a Vogue?  Me + Fashion.  HA.)   She gave me a couple of good reading books,  a pile of miso soup makings, including real pastes to make fresh soups, and then I got excited, on the bottom, I find two books about blogging.  Fun!  How exciting!  What a dork I am! 

I wonder which book I will actually open first.  :x

Eww!

WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? 

pool-141-151-81-88.phlapa.east.verizon.net (Verizon Internet Services Inc) [Label IP Address] Delaware, New Castle, United States, 0 returning visit Date Time WebPage 15th January 2009 20:55:56 www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=GASTRIC BYPASS PORN&spell=1 meltingmama.typepad.com/wls/2008/01/xxx-food-porn-a.html

Delurk MFers Delurk. It's National Delurking Day.

It's national de-lurking day. I did not know.

So, hi.  Welcome to the blog!  Can I get you a drink?  I blog here, entirely too often.  I know that there's a small yet steadfast handful of commenters, but I get more traffic that says nothing.  You don't really have to tell, but it's nice to know that I am not writing to a gaping black hole sometimes.

I'm stealing my de-lurkish post idea from elsewhere. 

So.  Some of you have been here before, some are brand new.  In either case, most of you don't ever say a damn word.

Why are you here?  Why are we all here?  How about something simpler?  Um.  I'm stumped.  Just leave a comment.  I won't bite.  Hard.

And, because I'm in a mood... this is hilarious, how have I not seen this:

Blogging for good.

I will be blogging at Filter For Good each week, come check it out.

This week's post:  Unintended Change.

Yes, I know my page is broken. Screw domains.

What you see should right about now be coming to you via http://meltingmama.net

It ain't working.

So, if you see variations of a page that looks all a mess, hold on.  I should probably go back shit up.

I did it! I bought a domain! (or three!)

So.  I have 'em.

Now, to use 'em.

I think I set one up correctly to point to *this* blog.  You'll see it once it rolls over.

Mama wants .com

Help me?

www dot meltingmama dot com is taken, but there are other options. 

I know nothing about doing this and setting it up on Typepad.  Anyone out there have simple, easy, step-by-step instructions, or better yet - would you, could you set it up for me, if I bartered with you?

Your Mom Blogs, And She's One Hell Of An Influential Blogger.

After my recent forays into the world of getting screwed by companies in exchange for selling my soul to review products - I am seeing articles like this.

Hopefully as companies start to see that we, as bloggers, particularly women, and apparently "mommy-bloggers," specifically, are especially influential. 

We have so much power.  Why?  According to Pro-Blogger, there are five reasons:

1. Moms Can Blog At Home (Thus no need to leave the house, no need for daycare - did you see my video today about my "job?")
2. Moms Need The Sociality Of The Net (Because, we don't have friends anymore.  We all email and blog together.)
3. Moms Have A Wealth Of Material To Use (We tend to pick a topic that we live.  We write about what we know, and generally in our own honest to goodness voice.)
4. Moms Are Record-Keepers (Aka Scrap-bookers, Baby-bookers, etc.  Not me, but... I do have a mad amount of photographs.)
5. Mom Blogs Wield Economic Power (And, by God Do We Know How To Use It.  If you have a good product, we will buy it.  All of it.  By the case, yesterday.  If something works for my family, I am going to tell you about it.  As boring as it may sound, you would NOT believe how much I wanted to blog to you about my laundry softener today.  It. is. to. die. for.  I had to soft myself from taking photographs and making a scratch and sniff product review.  Had I done so?  You'd have bought it.  I am powerful.)

Companies are also lucky sometimes, that "mommy-bloggers" can be sweet, loving and write genuinely good reviews, because, when provoked, they can be scathing and bitchy - and tell the world how they screwed you and how their product really did suck donkey dick.  That would be wrong, though, because we're trying to maintain a nice good "mommy" persona here.

Moving on!  I do hope that companies start to take us more seriously, and view bloggers as business people. (She says as the words donkey dick are fresh in her mind.)  I am honestly fed up with people taking advantage of the fact that I have a lot of traffic, without considering what's in it for Mama.

Mama needs a new pair of shoes.

I've been used - I'm a blogger brand.

There's something bugging me that I probably should not write about but I am going anyhow, because I have been quiet about it for a very long time. 

I am getting used. 

I have been pretty good about seeing through emails that come to me from public relations reps asking me to "Share this with my readers, please?"  Sometimes, oftentimes, I go ahead and share, because usually the campaigns that get to my niche are harmless, you've seen them, Whole Grain Pasta, Fruity Cheerios, etc.  Lots of times, I do those campaigns, because they have freebies, and those are fun.  (In fact, I have another one here, waiting, because I didn't know how to go about sharing a bowel product the most appropriate way, and it came from a PR firm that I have trusted so far.)

Many times, I get emails asking me to share product that is certainly relevant, but I might not feel comfortable with, especially as a free endorsement.  Products that fall into this category?  Diet pills.  The other day, a PR firm contacted me with a YouTube video.  "Could you share this video with your readers, they will love it?"  At the end of this video, a potent fat-burner diet pill product shot, and a scantily-clad woman.  :/  They will love it?  I wrote her back, "You may have seen this coming, but, if those products worked, weight loss surgery would not exist, I suppose."  She offered a different version of the video, with a less obvious product placement. 

As soon as I press "post," regardless of my positive or negative spin on a product or service, it's publicity in my little circle of influence.  I have 300+ subscribers today, and about 1,000 people reading - no big deal, but, it can make a difference in one product, one idea, one anything.

Sally reads MM's post about Low Carb Protein Poop, and how it's so delicious she wanted to buy a pallet of it and make love to it and have it's babies!  Sally tells Jane, Jane comes to MM's site and tells Sue, Sue goes to Low Carb Protein Poop's Site and buys a case, loves it, tells Tom, Tom buys a sampler pack, Sally gets her case, hates it, gives it to Jeff, who loves one flavor- and goes to the site and orders a whole bunch of that flavor, and so on.

It's chain reaction.  When it's good - it's good!  When I like something, watch out.

I realize my readers have their own minds, but, I have control over that kind of posting.  This means, when I really want to share something with you - I do it.

Apparently, I did not realize how far-reaching this little circle is.  I'm a brand.  "Mommy-bloggers" in general, are all branded.  I'm not technically a mommy-blogger, I'm a blogger, who is a mom.  When I began blogging, I never realized that "Melting Mama," would become her own entity.  She has, and she probably needs to become legal-ezed.  Mama needs some help with email contracts, yo.

Companies and PR firms, etc. would love a blogger who is a "brand" with a little circle of influence to review their product/service, preferably for free, preferably in a positive light.

Then, they make demands.  "Could you add this, suggest this?  Thanks so much, bye!"  They demand you do this, all, for nothing.

Several companies had promised me and agreed to paid ad space, after I made honest, genuine product reviews for product that I truly enjoyed.   

I sent these companies such an influx of new orders that they sent me "OMGZ! THANK YOU!" emails, and made promises of sponsorships.  In the grand scheme of blogs, we're talking small change, but, damn, small change adds up when you aren't working and "Melting Mama" is your income, you hear me?

I am indeed "influential."  I am "amazing." 

These are the words from the emails sent to me.  Now, what do I do with this "influential, amazing-ness?  Who needs an amazing, influential "melting" mommy-blogger?  Back to the classifieds.

Why did you start your blog?

Why did you start your blog?

Specifically, to log my weight loss saga, because at the time, I was in various email groups, and I was a message board host on AOL, and none were for weight loss, and nobody really wanted to hear about "The Surgery."  I figured it would be a good documentation and something to fall back on when I screwed up in the future.  But, if you notice - that whole part - the whole documentation part - is missing.  I wrote it at a different blog-hosting service, and deleted it in 2005.  Oops.

How did you come up with your blog name?

I think it was an Obesity Help screen name, to be honest, initially.  I was "a mama," and I was "melting."  At the time in 2004, I figured that my readers would be peers of the surgical weight loss community.  When I was kicked off of Obesity Help this past summer, I lost my screen names, and that one got the boot.

Do your friends and family know about your blog?  What do they think of it?

Yeah, but it wasn't ever meant to be anonymous, although the main topic has always been specific enough that it's not really always about just me.

How do you write posts?

When the mood hits.  I have no real schedule.  I have always blogged "too much."  I like to have at least one post per week day, and at this point in my blogging "career," I think of Monday-Friday as "workdays" and I write at least once a day.  (If you're a reader you know that's way off, I'm here all the time.  So, hush.)  But, I rarely edit or check anything, unless I'm doing it for someone else or as paid work.

Have you ever had a troll or had to delete an unkind comment?

Nearly every day.  There's usually a porn-like comment lurking in an old post each morning or a stupid obvious advertisement that someone puts in a comment.  I just delete and move on.  No big deal.  My spam in my email box, however, JESUS CHRIST!!  40-50 an hour sometimes!!  Most, in Japanese.

Do you check your stats?  Do you care how many people read your blog?  If you care, how do you increase traffic?

I think every blogger checks their statistics.  I didn't really bother at all, until I was fired from my job in January of 2006, after complaining about a manager I had.  It's weird, I know, because he can block his visits, anyone can.  But, initially - it was creepy enough to see that he was reading and saving pages of my blog to his desktop.  But, we live in an internet world.

Do I care how many people read?  Sure.  I could say I don't, but to be honest, having you read me has bought my groceries over the past year.  (Thank you.)  More people read me know than I ever thought would.  They don't say much - so it's a bit weird to say the least.  I watch the statistics each day - and it's amazing sometimes, really, to see 1,000 hits, and for what?!  I have many silent readers - I get a few of those emails - and I really appreciate all of you.  I do.

What kind of blogs or posts interest you?

I have a photo-post brain, I need to be intrigued somehow - and something needs to pull me in.  I forget to come back to blogs.  I have a list of what, 59 blogs on my page - and I can't remember reading any of them in the last week.  I don't keep up with anybody, but it's not on purpose, I just don't follow-through it's an ADD brain thing.  I LOVE reading LIST posts, survey posts, photo posts, etc.  They're fillers, but they are fun to me.  I'm a geek and they amuse me, I am easily amused.

Dumb question for people that might know.

When I started this blog, I labeled it http://meltingmama.typepad.com SLASH wls  Mistake. 

Now I have two addresses that are circulating, and my Technorati + Googly things are all mixed up.  I'm here and there, both are the same blogs, but different information.

meltingmama.typepad.com
meltingmama.typepad.com/wls

These are circulating and both come to this main page. Is there any way to drop the /wls part without breaking everything?  Please help, ye of internet technology!

Fat Acceptance on Mike + Juliet with bloggers!

Your mom blogs.

And she blogged my story in a nutshell.  It makes more sense from someone else's POV, doesn't it?

Winners of the Brita Filter + Naglene Bottles....

The winners of the Brita Filter and Nalgene Bottle Giveaway are:

1. Posted by: Scott O'Neal | 2008.01.02 at 06:32 PM
2. Posted by: Big Girl Big City | 2008.01.02 at 02:35 PM
3. Posted by: barbccrn | 2008.01.04 at 11:15 PM
4. Posted by: Amy D | 2008.01.03 at 11:57 AM

Please contact me with your mailing addresses!  If you don't, I can totally re-gift within 48 hours.  Thanks all!  The next contest is coming soon.  :)

Hey baby, you come here often?

No, you don't. 

You're all new nameless faces that I do not recognize.  Please, pull up a stump, have a protein shake, and stick 'round, you might learn something laugh, on occasion.

There are a like a bajillionty new people coming to visit me this week.  I know why, it's the combination of the NEW YEAR (which brings Lose! Weight! Resolutions) and you're looking for all sorts of diet-like tips, and inspiration-like things to motivate yourself.  Oh, that, and - I used the words The Biggest Loser - and damn near every person is looking for those Brita Filters and Naglene Bottles from the show.  (Yes, I am having a comment contest, and will be giving some away.)  I figured I should say "hello," considering I've got all these guests, some of who may benefit from, laugh at my rantings.

Quick synopsis of what you're seeing? 

I'm Beth, I'm a twenty-nine year old mom of too many children, who was previously 320 lbs.  I lost a crap load of weight via the weight loss surgery route in 2004.  I also have a husband who lost 200 lbs. via weight loss surgery, a mother in law also post-op, and a sister in law, post op.  Between us, I think we have most of the issues covered about life after gastric bypass.  I am currently about 10-15 lbs. above my lowest post-surgery weight, which I've maintained for the majority of the last three years, save for a pregnancy where I shot up 55 lbs, and have subsequently lost about 40-50 of it. 

This blog was initially a record of what I ate and what I lost, for family, friends and myself to keep track of my progress.  I never anticipated that I'd be so involved in all things weight loss and weight loss surgery post operative life, ever.  You don't realize how much of an impact it has on your life until you're living it, either.  I write down to earth, honest, spur of the moment details about this whole process and life.  There are many of those details that aren't shared elsewhere - and things that you wish you knew?  I tell you.  There's lots more to come, good and bad.  Stick around.

In addition, I write candid, casual reviews of products, either of which I buy or are gifted to me, or given to me in exchange for an honest review.  I pimp out products I REALLY enjoy, because I truly like them.  If I don't like something, watch out.  Hell hath no fury like a woman not liking something she purchased.

Occasionally, I have contests or give aways, most recently - I shared about $250 worth of sugar-free chocolate, and next week, I'll be giving away several Brita Water Filters and Filter For Good bottles.  I'm sure I'll have lots more of these type of fun things, so stay tuned for that, I enjoy it.

I post too frequently, so you might want to subscribe to the RSS feed, and keep up.  I was once diagnosed with ADD, and that definitely plays a role in my super-fast blogging, now, what were we discussing?

Look, a chicken!

Time for a Melting Mama Contest!

So, yeah, it's getting really cold out - and I'm finding myself with a little more time in the house avoiding The Cold.  So, humor me!  Let's have a contest, for prizes.  I'm compiling prizes now, so... here goes.  (The prizes aren't listed as of yet - because I'm waiting on a few ideas, and I don't want to mention something that might not be available...)

I'm going give you photos, and you have free reign to take them and be creative.  This means, something as simple as just captioning or as involved as photo-shopping, modifying, anything you can create.  You can take the photo and run with it.  Have fun with it!

• First Prize: *pending*
• Second Prize:  *pending*
• Third Prize:  *pending*
• Let The Kids Pick A Winnah:  *Beware the pending prize, kids choice!*

Here are two that might make a fun shot, go to Flickr for more.

You can go to the Flickr site and steal the photos for your use, use the two above, or pick one with your discretion and have fun! 

Email me with your submissions:  [email protected]

Deadline:  November 30th, 2007 > Winners Chosen December 1, 2007

Elastic Waist.

Blog: Big Girl in a Big City.

I figured I might share some of my top incoming links from other blogs. Right now, it's Big Girl in a Big City, one of the Sassy Ring sistahs.  She wrote a very intense post yesterday about Being Honest.

Can you hear me now?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a new Odiogo Feed Toy.  He reads you my posts.  (My own personal man!) He's got some quirks, like s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g W L S and my made up words, horripible and ginormous.

Click above this post where it says "Listen now!"  And, listen to this:

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so big. *scoff* She looks like,
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff*
They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big. *scoff*
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

(LA face with Oakland booty)
Baby got back!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna ******
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!

Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

Blogrebrity!

I've been linked by a professional blog, with like, contributors and stuff.  Wicked cool.  I'm serious, it is pretty freaking cool.  Who knew anybody would care to read my spewage! 

Check it out: Elastic Waist.